38+ weeks pregnant and my toddler has started freaking out about her cot...

[mje]

Hi there - I'm desperately hoping for some advice!

My 22 month old has been sleeping well since she was 6 months old.  We put her down awake in her cot with dummys and teddys every night around 6.30pm and apart from the odd calling out for a drink or dummy she sleeps through until 6 or 7am with no dramas.

This changed dramatically 3 nights ago, and I'm not sure why or what to do.  She talks of being scared and a dinosaur, but when you ask her to show you what is scary in her room she cant.  We told her that there is nothing scary, daddy took it away, but now she just repeats over and over "not scary, daddy took it away".  She started has now got herself so worked up that as soon as she recognises her wind down routines she starts talking about not going to bed.  I'm not sure if it is that she really is scared, or whether its a developmental things (she is showing a lot more 'terrible twos' signs these last couple of weeks!), adjusting to daylight saving, sensing the new baby, or some combination of all!!

We've been doing wi/wo but I'm not sure if I'm doing it right (and havent been completely consistent - see below).  We go in, tell her its bed time, lay her down and walk out again.  Sometime we wait a couple of minutes, sometimes 5-10 minutes (is this too long?).  She stops crying the second we walk in and although appearing upset/scared she isnt breathless or worked up like when she is genuinely upset.  She starts crying again the second we walk out.

It all started 3 nights ago when my dad was visiting and she really played up when going to sleep (which is not unusual when she is over-excited) but this time she persisted for ages and my dad eventually went in and sat next to her cot until she went to sleep.  She woke at 4am hysterical and because we had houseguests in a small house we brought her in to bed with us.

The next day she played up a bit before her day time nap but went to sleep on her own.  Night 2 it took almost 2 hours of us going in and out every 5-10 minutes before she went off.  Then again at 4am she woke and persisted until 6.30am when we got her up for the day (at which point she promptly fell asleep for an hour on our bed).  Her daytime nap yesterday she persisted for 1hr 45min at which point I got her up. 

Last night she was exhausted and only took 1.5 hrs to go to sleep, but then woke at 10pm hysterical and after an hour and an half we gave in and she came to bed with us. 

AArgh!!!!  I know the most important thing is consistency, but I feel so unsure as to what is the right thing to do.  With a new bub due any day i'm exhausted and I dont know if I have the stamina for two many sleepless nights with wi-wo but also really dont want to establish a bad habit of her sleeping in our bed when we are about to bring a new baby home...

Thoughts anyone on what I could try?  Any advice much appreciated.

[speechie]

Hi-
wow there's a lot going on- FWIW, houseguests do tend to throw my toddler's sleep off too!
Would you post her schedule to see if there's any suggestions there? Sleep needs sometimes drop around 2 years of age, may not be an issue, but just a thought.
Any teeth? Time for molars? The night waking makes me think of pain perhaps?
Have you tried any Motrin/tylenol for a few nights to see if it makes a difference?
For fears, I have used a nightlight, sprayed the room with lavender, given my son a "sentinel" lovie to watch over him, and made sure the winddown included talking over the day to help process all the events.

[mje]

Hi - thanks for your reply.

Her routine is pretty much 12 hours at night (6.30pm to bed but i guess doesnt drop off until around 6.45ish) until around 6.30am (can be anywhere between 6 and 7am, but I think she sometimes plays with her dummies for a bit when she wakes up before she calls out).  For her day sleep she goes down between 12 and 12.30 (normally around 12.15) and can have anywhere from 1 hour to 2.5 hours.  At daycare she tends to have 1 - 1.5hrs but at home she is more likely to have 1.5 - 2 hours.  Her daycare days have just dropped back from 4 to 2 now that I have started maternity leave.

It could be teeth (she doesnt have all her molars) but as her talking is pretty good she usually tells you when something is sore, even if she cant quite explain what.  I havent tried pain relief but might be worth a go. 

A friend suggested a night light, but since her day sleep is affected too I wondered if that would work as its quite light in her room (its also quite light at night too now that its daylight saving).  Also probably worth a try though.

Should we try to tough it out and be consistent about keeping her in her cot, even if her crying lasts for hours?  I am hoping this is just a passing fear, and I dont want to inadvertantly create an ongoing problem (ie. sleeping in our bed or further instilling a fear of going to bed)...

[speechie]

Hi there,

It could be teeth (she doesnt have all her molars) but as her talking is pretty good she usually tells you when something is sore, even if she cant quite explain what

my LO has great speech, but sometimes is irritable and sleep is not right, and the pain meds do help- have you ever been cranky and then belatedly realized your head hurts? I have...Maybe worth a try- also, if it's mainly at sleeping times and when she's laying down- consider getting her ears checked out- sometimes kids have ear infections, but no real symptoms...

Should we try to tough it out and be consistent about keeping her in her cot, even if her crying lasts for hours? 

If she's crying for hours, you're right in worrying about creating a worsening crib phobia. I think I'd keep my LO in his room, but do anything I could to help him more comfortable- sitting and snuggling as needed to calm, then putting into the crib, comforting from over the side of the crib as needed, staying in the room to help LO fall asleep would be preferable to bringing her into your room.
Do you have a good bedtime routine? Maybe adding in more snuggle/comfort time, a massage with lavender cream, or some relaxing music?
Huge hugs- it's exhausting, I know!

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Hi,

My 14 month old is having some crib phobias atm, but from an allergic reaction that happened in her bed. I'm just sitting in with her and holding a hand on her back until she's asleep and hoping to gradually be in there for less time. Tonight it only took 15 minutes, so we are making some headway!

If I'm reading right, until your Dad sat in with her, she always went to bed on her own? Could it be that she thinks it's much nicer to have someone in with her when she's falling asleep? My oldest is like this for a few days after having her cousin sleep over, will keep asking us to sleep with her. She also has a very vivid imagination and one night woke up screaming that a shadow on the wall looked like a whale!

hugs,
Heidi

[mje]

Her bedtime routine is bath, pjs, stories, cuddle and then into the cot with her dummies and teddies.  It probably takes 45mins including the bath.  Last night and today for her day sleep just the mention of her grobag had her freaking out saying she didnt want to do go to bed.

She will immediately settle and go off to sleep if we sit by her cot (did this in the end last night and she fell asleep in about 3 minutes she was so exhausted!), but then when she wakes through the night she needs us again to resettle.  There is no hope of sneaking out until she is completely asleep so this does become quite tiring.  We went through sleep issues with her between 4-6 months, which with the help of BW we improved to the point where all we had to do was sit beside her cot and she would go off.  But we never seemed to be able to improve this using gradual withdrawal though and in the end we went to a mother/baby care residential place and after 3 nights there (one night with lots of crying) she was fine.  Since then she hasnt needed any assistance to sleep, even happily sleeps in the portacot at friends places. 

I think you are right Heidi, she probably did like having Dad in there with her, but gosh, how does it deteriorate so quickly?

Just remembering how bad it was last time with weeks and weeks of being up for hours at a time makes me terrified about doing it all again.  Where is the magic wand when you need it???

Melinda

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Where is the magic wand when you need it???

I wish I knew    I got Masyn into a bad habit when I was pregnant, we had a twin bed in her room and if she woke at night I would just pop into bed with her. As we got closer to my due date, DH started going in because she didn't expect him to stay and would go right back to sleep 

Does she wake at the same times during the night? I actually used wake-to-sleep on Masyn when she was 2.5 after I created another bad habit (but for a good reason, she needed meds at a certain time at night)

I'm curious about this mother/baby care you mentioned, what exactly did it entail? What do you think it was about it that worked for her? is it something you can recreate at home without leaving her to CIO?  I suppose what I'm doing with Spencer is gradual withdrawal, but I think the idea is to move further and further away from the crib as they settle until you are out the door, but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Heidi

[mje]

Her wakings are random, not regular i think, although it hasnt really been long enough to tell yet.  The method used at the residential clinic was probably more like wi/wo than cry it out (although I was very aprehensive going in that they would want to let her CIO, I felt ok about it afterward and it certainly didnt leave her with any bedtime issues, she has always happily raced off to her room). Basically it was hanging back and listening to their cry for distress, going in to settle when they needed it and then leaving again.  I think its hard to be objective about your own baby crying so i found it quite useful having someone experienced sitting there with me guiding me on when and how to intervene.  We have always tried to stick with it since then, and been trying to replicate it at home the last few days/nights but its so discouraging when it doesnt seem to be working and its hard not to question what you are doing.  Thanks for your help, and good luck with your sleep issues also!!

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

I have zero experience with WI/WO! With Masyn I'm more in the WI/snuggle for abit/chat a bit/WO zone. So it's a clinic for people to go to with their kids and get help on sleep issues or on everything? Sounds neat!

Heidi