oh why do I keep getting it wrong 
I put him down at 6pm as he had been ear rubbing and he was asleep by ten past but I had to stay with him.
Why do you think you did something wrong? Not sure I understand? You took him to bed when you felt was the right time, and he was asleep pretty quickly, I would say that was the absolute right thing to do!
I am a total hostage in that room, he will not fall alseep without me which is really stressing me out as I know that when he next wakes and I am not there he will cry and then this leads to OT. What do I do?
First of all, I don't consider needing to stay with your LO for ten minutes while he falls asleep being hostage to his room! I consider it putting your child down to bed! Ten minutes is nothing, needing to stay with an 11 month old child to provide them comfort and love and security before they fall asleep is parenting, it's a reality, and it's sort of the way it is, IMO. I know that you previously were able to put him in his bed and walk away, but you also have to keep in mind that little children go through different phases in life, and at different developmental stages they have different needs -- and these needs often come out at sleep time. When he's 3 that might mean checking under the bed for him to shoo away the monsters....when he's 11 months it might mean helping him get through some separation anxiety by staying with him when he's going to sleep.
When he wakes, how do you know that the only reason he is crying is because you aren't there? And how is that creating OT?
He is crying out for you, yes, but that does not necessarily mean that he is crying because you were there when he fell asleep and are not there now. It very well
could mean that, and that is totally 100% normal in separation anxiety and the only way to combat it is to continually reassure him that you are there for him when he needs you, and it will pass. It is a phase of life, all babies go through it, some take it harder than others, but it is not abnormal and letting it stress you out will not help him get past it.
But he can be waking from many many other things. Eleven months is a prime age for some massive teething to be going on - teeth could be shifting under the gums and causing him a lot of pain. So it could be the pain that is waking him, and he is crying out because his mouth hurts and he wants you to do something about it! When he wakes at night have you tried a topical gel like Orajel or Bonjela? They get to work pretty quickly, and they are most effective when the pain is closer to the gum as the tooth starts to cut. You can also use Calpol, Tylenol, Nurofen, etc as a dose before bed and some parents try a dose when they go to bed later on and administer it like a dream feed - just tiptoe in and try to give it to LO with a syringe without waking them. You could also try teething powders, many moms have lots of luck with them, although I personally have never tried them.
Also, I do not believe it is right to say that NWs cause OT. I think NWs can be a sign of OT, but not so much the cause of it provided you are encouraging good naps to make up for it in the day. It's one reason why I feel that being too focused on an A time and insisting that LO needs to be on a certain A time is not always good...if your LO is waking for a long period in the night time or waking several times in the night, then they WILL start the day off tired (think of how you feel in the morning if you have been up in the night). If you can have a nap in the day BEFORE that point where adrenaline kicks in and you get your second wind, then that nap is restful and helps to make up for some of the sleep you lost the previous night. But, if you push and push and "get past it" then often you CAN'T sleep by the time you take your nap, or you don't take as long of a nap as you could have if you had gone down earlier. Adrenaline kicks in, your body runs in 'fight' mode and you become energised. Over time, then, if you don't get to sleep and let this cycle continue, then it just causes more problems. Pushing that first A time to 4 hours just because that time is age appropriate may be taking him past that optimal time in the morning when he could have had a good nap in to rest him up from the interrupted night sleep. And then adrenaline is kicking in. So an NW did not cause OT, the long stretch until a first nap on an unrestful night is what caused the OT. Does that make any sense?
