Author Topic: Feel like a demanding diva when my allergic family is invited to dinner :(  (Read 1372 times)

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Offline Peek-a-boo

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An acquaintance invited my family to dinner.  She knows us well enough to know that we have allergies, but not well enough to know exactly what, so as we were making arrangements she mentions the allergies and tells me what she was thinking of serving and asks if it would be okay.  It wouldn't be.  :(

The kids and I are intolerant of dairy and DH is extremely allergic to fish and to legumes.

So I emailed back and explained the allergies and offered to bring a side dish/dessert, but still, I feel like such a difficult diva with all these restrictions on what we can and can't eat.  Fish and legumes are relatively easy to avoid, but dairy is in everything and three combined . . . I just feel bad.   :-\

Mostly just wanted to dump, but also wondering if anyone with allergies has worked out a graceful way to handle these sorts of situations. 

Offline Mashi

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Re: Feel like a demanding diva when my allergic family is invited to dinner :(
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2009, 07:12:43 am »
My mother was the same with her celiac disease, and so she would often just take her own mini meal and eat that...but she was just one person and so it was a bit easier for her to do that. Not really reasonable for you to go for dinner and show up with the whole meal for your family! 

I would not feel like a you are being difficult - she invited you, after all. And, I don't think dairy is that difficult to avoid in a main meal - she can serve any sauces on the side, for instance.  It's not hard to be dairy-free in main courses, esp if not serving fish!  I would just make sure that the side dish you take is substantial and filling enough (like a pasta salad for instance) that you can fill up on that if you can't eat her meal  ???

Offline Spectra

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Re: Feel like a demanding diva when my allergic family is invited to dinner :(
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2009, 02:57:15 am »
Hi Bethany, you are definitely NOT alone!  I've felt the same many times, to the point where I just end up bringing my own meals for him.  But most of the time the people I know make sure they have food he'll eat too.  I think people just want to help, and if they ask I'll definitely let them buy food and help.  Makes my parents feel like they are doing something special and caring for my son.  :)
Melanie
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hrk

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Re: Feel like a demanding diva when my allergic family is invited to dinner :(
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2009, 18:49:12 pm »
Hi!
Sounds like a bit of a stressful situation.  I think bringing some safe sides is a great idea.  We started over on testing a new food every 4-5 days, so I hear you about limited diets and visiting others.  My mom (certified food pusher) is always trying to give him something, and I have to say no that we haven't tested it yet.  I am a meatless eater by preference (I don't even have allergies), so people probably thing I am a picky eater anyway, lol.  What we do is bring sides that Heath and I can eat and are yummy enough that others will want to try.  

You could invite them over next time (if possible and things go well), and it gives them a chance to see what you make/eat.  I think it is helpful that it is all of you, rather than just one (like it was when I was the only veggie around).  Then people don't feel like they are creating something for one person.  

I hope it goes well, and you have a great time!
Jean
« Last Edit: November 11, 2009, 19:00:54 pm by *Jean* »

hrk

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Re: Feel like a demanding diva when my allergic family is invited to dinner :(
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2009, 19:08:08 pm »
I forgot to add that you are not a demanding diva.  You are a caring mom taking care of your family's medical needs, hon.  You wouldn't tell someone with a medical condition to do something that they cannot or should not do regarding their condition.  HUGS!

Offline speechie

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Re: Feel like a demanding diva when my allergic family is invited to dinner :(
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2009, 19:17:50 pm »
More hugs honey- anyone who is a true friend and a gracious host would be very happy to serve up foods that were safe and tasty! for everyone! I now ask any guests if they have any dietary restrictions ahead of time because it is becoming more and more common!
You are a fabulous mama,....... more hugs!
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Offline RachelC

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Re: Feel like a demanding diva when my allergic family is invited to dinner :(
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2009, 20:22:26 pm »
{{{hugs}}}

We have to avoid all citrus for DH.  Makes it a little crazy to say "no tomato in any form, no lemon juice, no cranberries".  There is so much more to it than meets the eye.

She did ask if what she was making was ok, so it means she cares and wants to you all to be able to eat.  :-*


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