Is it normal to feel this way?

[nwilks]

Hi everyone, my baby girl is 4 weeks old tomorrow, she is my first baby and my angel!! I am breastfeeding, obviously haven't done it before, received lots of help and support from the midwives in the hospital and have continued at home. I don't know if I am just feeling more tired than normal this week, my nipples are a bit sore, but not cracked and bleeding or anything, my baby can be quite rough at times, she tends to pull away really quickly which can be excruciating! Sorry back to my question, I just feel a bit like I've had enough of the breastfeeding this week. I'm fed up of having my boobs out all the time and feel like I'm really tied up by it all and would like a bit of a break. I haven't expressed any milk yet, I wanted to concentrate on getting more of a routine in place first, before adding another task to my day. I sound like I'm being really negative, I don't feel that way, just need a bit of a boot up the bum maybe!!! Has anyone else felt this way?

[Whatbit]

I definitely feel like that some days!  My LO is 5 weeks old this week.  He's a real tiger when he eats and I had some bleeding and soreness at the beginning- not so much fun!  How many times a day does your daughter feed?  It can really feel like a lot when you're tired and trying to figure out a routine and get to know each other!!  Hang in there!  I totally know that at 2am or 5am or in the middle of the afternoon you don't necessarily want to BF yet again, but it's really good for them... that said, pumping and bottle feeding is a great option too.  I bought a hand pump last week and have done a few bottles- want the freedom of being able to leave him and go out if I ever want to (or let DH do it) but don't want to pump every day.  Also, I understand how tied down you can feel- feeding out of the house is a big step!  I've done it a few times now- yesterday in 'public' for the first time.  I have a drape to put over him that has a ridgid piece around the neck so I can look down and see him and make sure he's ok without having to lift anything up. 
Have a great day and remember that it is normal to feel what you're feeling!!!  And vent all you want here- it's a great place to find support.
Stefanie

[dannabanana]

I don't remember ever feeling this way honestly, though i wouldn't be surprised if i did, but i gotta say that i fully breastfed my first born, and tried to breastfeed #2, but due to his sever reflux i had to stop. I also tried pumping it it hurt my boobs so badly that i couldnt even finish one decent pump...
All i can tell you is that for me BFing was the best thing ever. making formula, boiling water, all that crap is just such a waist of time it feels to me. and pumping was a nightmare.

BUT (and this is a big but) if you feel so uncomfortable with it, it can't feel good to your girl. she feels that you dont enjoy it... think about it.

if i could go back to BFing and have it be good for my LO i would in a heart beat!

[nwilks]

Thanks both of you. Completely agree re. breast feeding is the best way. I'm just paranoid about doing things right! Our routine is getting better now so plan to try and express a bit next week, wold be nice for my husband to do the evening feed then I can mabe have a luxurious bath for 10 mins!!

 

[Whatbit]

I know!  Even after I posted yesterday I was almost crying at my LO's bedtime feed because he's started to gulp air despite my best efforts to stop him and reposition him, etc, etc.  I'm sure you're doing a great job.  Hope the expressing works well and you can get that bath!

[tanya032009]

Girls- I just had to jump in because I had such a hard, horrible time in the first weeks of BFing. I cried almost every feed because it was so hard to have my little angel get a good latch and stay awake long enough to feed. i even used to promise myself that I could quit the next day. I committed myself to 40 days, because I had read that after 40 days, the work involved with BFing becomes less than what is involved with making bottles, sterlizing stuff (not sure, never did it). Anyways, I can honestly say that now BF is the most relaxing part of my day (and I'm having some BFing problems right now, so even with issues, I still feel this way). I cringe at the thought of all the work involved with bottles and love having nice warm milk ready to go during those nightwakings!

BFing is a very personal decision, because really, all the work is yours. From what I have seen, mothers who BF and those who don't have very different experiences...you just can't pass baby along for a break because even if you do, you would have had to put the extra work into pumping first! However, when I look at my LO now, there is no greater feeling than knowing that every inch and every pound has been achieved by our time together, with the very best food I could give. You should be proud that you have given your LO 4 weeks of this gift already!

And there will always be bad times, sometimes I feel like such a "cow"...like I always have a boob hanging out and that there is nothing at all private anymore! I miss my pretty bras and being able to wear some of my nice clothes that aren't BFing friendly. Small sacrifices though, when you look at the big picture!

Hang in there...you are doing wonderful, and everything you are feeling is so normal! The amount of time between feedings does increase! We are at 4 months now and sometimes go 4 hours, which can seem like an eternity!

[~Sara~]

Just wanted to chime in here...

Having both formula and breastfed for the first 3.5 months (was pretty much all bf until about 2 mos and then my supply died after some antibiotics), I know how you feel.  Especially when they're wanting to eat just about every 2.5 hours those first couple of weeks.  I remember Aaron always fell asleep when I bf him and would sometimes take over an hour to eat because I'd have to keep waking him--very, very, very sleepy bf baby (still gets sleepy when taking his bottle).

All that said, it really is your choice as to what you want to do.  There are pros and cons to both bottle/formula feeding and breastfeeding.

I completely agree with pps in that it is a special thing to share with your baby.  I had an extremely hard time giving this up, and never thought that it would be such an emotional decision.  I felt guilty for "giving up" and felt like I was less of a mom--a lazy mom, even--for making the change to formula.  It was especially hard when Aaron had a crying fit a couple of nights after I weaned him...all because he wanted to bf.  I was a wreak, but you know what?  He was okay.  And he's still okay now, almost 2 months afterward.

Please know that whatever your decision, you HAVE done a splendid job for your baby.  You should be very proud of that regardless of where you decide to go from here.

Personally, I wish I could have breastfed longer; but formula feeding is just as fulfilling to me because I CHOOSE to make that feeding time special.  I still get coos and smiles and snuggles.  I can still hold him close to me, love on him, kiss him.  And lately, he's started reaching up for my face...you'll still have that closeness with your LO, if you decide to make it so.

On a more practical note, if you could pump once during the night, you'll give yourself a break from a feed...it really does work wonders for feeling like a 24-hour diner   You never know, you might be able to double-side pump and get a couple meals' worth!

*hugs* Best wishes to you and your LO.

[nwilks]

Thanks so much to you girls, I feel so much better already and the last couple of days have actually been much better, I'm not as tired and there is a bit of a routine developing here! Sometimes you just feel like you're the only one having problems so its just so brilliant being able to talk on here.
Tanya032009 - I know what you mean about the 'cow' we have a dairy farm near here you can take children to to watch the milking, I feel like I should just get in line myself!!! (only joking! My sense of humour, sorry)
Tersaseda, that's such a lovely thing to say about you still having 'special ' time with your baby even on the bottle and very reassuring too. The last couple of days we have been having a 'wind down' feed at teatime with dimmed lights and soft music playing and its felt so special I feel quite overwhelmed by it. Its times like these I really want to remember and cherish.
Lots of love to both you ladies xx

[~Sara~]

Sooo happy to hear that things have been happier and smoother for you   And let it be said that catching up on sleep (even just a 45 minute nap) can put the sun back up in the sky

It sounds like you're making sure that you and your daughter have your special time...again, choosing how you look at things makes all the difference *hugs*  Keep up the fabulous work!

[A pair of Charlies]

Awwwww  Huge huge(gentle!) hugs 

And a massive congratulations! On your lovely little 4 week old!!! And on breastfeeding so far.

It can feel like an isolating experience. It can feel so tiring, like it's all you've done all day everyday for as long as you can remember. But it does give you some great bonding times, giving your babe a great boost and does mean that you're sitting down and can do some Kegels! 

4 weeks is an especially tough time I think. Your body is trying to heal itself and that initial adrenelin is wearing off - I *felt* the lack of sleep suddenly, the hormonal changes - and then those growth spurts just keep coming! Which is great because that wonderful baby you made, carried and brought into this world is growing at an amazing rate, so she needs the fuel! And that is tiring.

So, what I can I suggest. Napping when you can. Grab it. If you can express the late night feed and give to DH as bottle, it will give him a great bonding time AND means you can get to bed earlier. Eat and drink through the breast feeds if you can - prep a tray of goodies & a large glass of water and have them with you for the night feeds. Eat and drink extra. A large glass per feed at least, and then your usual meals and drinks throughout the day - this will give your body the fuel it needs to make milk for LO, to fuel you, to heal you. It's a hell of a job right now.

And if you get any offers of help, grab them. Even if it's someone to come over and make you a sandwich - a friendly face. Someone to hold the baby for 30 mins while you just rest. I'm not sure whereabouts you are, but there are some great baby groups around N Yorkshire which will happily welcome a BFg Mama and give you the chance to see some other Mamas, babies and a bit of a social outing. No one will glare that you're BFg (or bottle), everyone is in the same boat.

These early weeks can be tough. And if you can get through them, then it's a great feeling. I'm still BFg now after 19 months. Hasn't been plain sailing, there have been many many bumps but I've been lucky that we've had the sort of bumps we could get over (no showstoppers thankfully) and great support on here. 

If you choose that BFg is not for you, then that's not for anyone to make you feel bad about - including you! It doesn't mean that your baby is left malnourished does it?  It's about doing what feels right for you and your LO. 

I'm in York. If you need a hand, let me know. Here to support you anyway you can.

Charlotte

[A pair of Charlies]

Another thought....

I noticed in your post you mentioned your EASY. With BFg, especially in the early weeks and months EASY can be a bit tricky so it's best to follow your LOs cues for the E part. Here's why: your babe is unique. Her tummy is the size of her tummy, and that's not necessarily the same size as other babies the same age. She might get hungier sooner, or later than others. She might burn off what she's taken on (calories in the milk) faster or slower than others. She is growing really fast and at her own pace. She is unique. And so are you. Your breasts probably don't produce the same as a BFg Mama you might sit next to. In fact, one of your breasts is likely to store and produce more than the other.

So we can't know for definate how much we produce - as pumps only show up how much milk the pump has extracted... and babes can be a lot better at getting milk, and our hormones can respond to babes more readily. And we can't know for definate how much your LO has had and how quickly her body is saying 'more now!'.

Which all means that of babies your LO's age, some might feed more frequently, some less, some bang on the EASY typical. What we do know is that it's best to feed a hungry baby at this age, keeping an eye on how frequently and on any snacking issues. At this age, if she doesn't give any hunger signs I would still feed at 3h because so young. If she shows hunger signs at 2h30, I'd feed then. There's time to stretch out those feeds gradually over the coming months and she'll probably start doing this at her own pace.

Then there's growth spurts. She may seem like she just wants feeding all day and all night. Insatiable. Feed feed feed feed. Why? By feeding so frequently over a few days (even when it feels like there's no milk), she is stimulating your body to produce more. You'll both get more rest if you follow her cues, feeding more frequently as this will increase your supply quickly. It usually lasts a few days and then they go back to normal, having done their very clever little job.  More on this here: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=66001.0

For new Mamas there's a number of things that I think we wonder about, I certainly did. I've put some links to some FAQs here that might help now and later. The FAQs bit here is really good - even one that shows you what's normal and what's not of nappy contents    The mastitis & thrush are a heads up just incase this crops up for any of you Mamas to newborns.

 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64627.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=65750.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=70305.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63600.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=65738.0
 * http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63599.0
 
Gentle hugs. 

[nwilks]

To A Right Pair Of Charlies - Thanks so much! We had a growth spurt on Sunday, but it was horrible weather so it was a nice thing to do all day!! I agree with you re. the eating times and EASY. I have been working into a routine the EASY way so I have been doing things in the same order and writing down what is going on each day. It definately makes you think about what your baby wants more. For instance, today she had a little bit of a paddywack about an hour after a feed, whilst trying to settle her I kept thinking 'she can't hungry' I got to the point of thinking I would feed her again,but she started to go sleepy and settle - so I was right! Well this time at least! There is definately a pattern forming which is nice to see and she's putting on weight which is reassuring that we're dong it right! The only thing I am yet to master is the amount of time it takes to settle after her last feed before we go to bed, anything between 20 minutes and 2 and a half hours! Bleary eyes! She definately has an alert time around midnight at the moment, I getting used to listening to the owls!

We're right over the otherside of North Yorkshire on the Cumbrian border, I have been looking into groups and things to go to and looking forward to it. Thanks for your advice again, one day I'll be as knowledgeable as you!!

 

[Vicku]

However, when I look at my LO now, there is no greater feeling than knowing that every inch and every pound has been achieved by our time together, with the very best food I could give.

I thought this was just beautifully said!

[Laura GDS]

I'm just paranoid about doing things right!

Hi nwilks,
 
I undestand you soooo well! Marina is 7 weeks old, and each day I'm worried to do something wrong, in BFing, activities, napping.... I think to be the worste EASY-mom in the world! But.... but Marina grow up very well, sometimes a bit of air in tummy (doctor told me it's normal, at her age), sometimes she breaks feed-timing and likes to feed more times (probably when she has a grow....something... ehm sorry english isn't my language and I don't know how to translate "balzo di crescita").
However I'm always very proud to be a BF! I find so miracolous and beautiful to do a so natural thing like give milk to my LO! Probably I'm so proud because I spend a lot of time with others mammals (for work and passion) and I really love what queens and bitches do for their kittens and puppies. It's so marvellous see queen feeding kittens: she seems to me full of devotion, love and satisfaction. So if a cat can feel it, why I can't do the same?

Be proud to be a breast feeder!

[tanya032009]

Personally, I wish I could have breastfed longer; but formula feeding is just as fulfilling to me because I CHOOSE to make that feeding time special.  I still get coos and smiles and snuggles.  I can still hold him close to me, love on him, kiss him.  And lately, he's started reaching up for my face...you'll still have that closeness with your LO, if you decide to make it so.

Sara- I just had to say how much I appreciated this. I didn't have a lot of experience around babies before having my own, but I did have a friend who FF. She rarely fed her LO herself--if anyone else was around (which was most often the case--big family, friends) someone else would always do so, so she could have a break. Looking back, it makes me a little sad actually, because I know now how special this time is for bonding. (Don't get me wrong, sharing is fabulous, but I would say 8/10 times someone else did the feeding). I am so glad to hear from a mom who keeps feeding time special and recognizes that it just isn't "filling the tank".

Hugs- Tanya