Help! I've got a picky eater who will only eat when distracted?? Grrr...

[Emma-Rose's mom]

DD is 22 months, and I'm so frustrated with her eating habits. She used to eat everything and anything I gave her, including meats, vegetables, fruits, and even exotic dishes with spices, such as curries. I used to be so pround of how varied her diet was. Then she turned...dum da da dum... that magical age of 18 months, and she did a complete 180 in two weeks.

Now she won't touch anything. No meat, no vegetables! Her choices of food is now limited to plain spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, yoghurt, fish sticks, french fries, scrambled eggs, corn... well... that's about it. (except, of course, she seems to ALWAYS know when something is a snack food  ... she will eat goldfish, crackers, etc.) To make things worse, she only eats those things when she's distracted. So, we got in the very bad habit of showing her a video (albeit educational ones) during meal time, just so that she'll get something in her belly. But of course, now she won't eat at all unless a video is playing, so forget eating out! Argh! What did I do to myself?

Sigh... not sure what to do... please tell me that this is temporary??

[Peek-a-boo]

{{Hugs}}  It's really common for toddlers to have a real plunge in appetite as their growth tapers off around this age.  They're not so hungry so they can turn down things they don't like as much and hold out until junk food is offered, if you do eventually offer that.

Personally, I'd go back to doing what you were doing before she changed and just scale back her portions.  If she doesn't eat or doesn't eat much, then I wouldn't worry about it.  If it's something that saves well, I'd save it to offer her again if she asks for food before the next meal.  If it doesn't save well, then I'd have a short list of snacks that are as equally wholesome as the meals you would offer her (craisins, bananas, and PB and apples are big here) if she asks for food before her next meal. 

Try not to stress. 

[mmom]

We are already in this stage and my LO is only 15 months.  He won't eat any meat or veggies unless they are hidden and even that is getting hard.  His diet is limited due to other reasons, so I make sure that every bit is wholesome in some way.  Lucky for him (or maybe me), he can't eat most processed foods like goldfish and crackers, so I make sure that he eats things like raisins, fruit, or I make pancakes and put chopped up fruit in them (or sometimes pumpkin and squash).  We also resorted to the TV with meal times because they became so difficult and have been able to slowly phase it out.  Yet, dinner time is our constant struggle.  If we put him in a high chair to eat, he won't touch anything.  Yet, if I make a "grazing plate" for him to just pick at while he is playing, he will eat a  LOT of food.  I always said I would be one of those mothers who wouldn't let their child eat any place other than the table, but I do it to get food in him.  

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Ha ha. How funny! I swore up and down to myself, as well, that my lo will only eat at the dinner table and only in her high chair, and that I would never fix her something to eat that is different from what we eat! Now, she's eating with a video in front of her, and I nearly always fix her something different from us, and although most of the time she eats in her high chair, there have been times when she runs over, takes a bite of a sandwich, and runs off and comes back. I'm glad I'm not the only parent that has struggled with this I felt like such a bad mommy for "caving in", too.

I do try to keep her snacks wholesome, as you two mentioned, with raisins, dried fruits, yoghurt covered cranberries, etc. But, of course, I also resort to pretzels, goldfish, etc. She seems like she's a carbohydrate loader. I have been really conscious lately about making sure she doesn't fill up on snacks, with hopes that she will be hungry during meal time.

But, my question for you two... do you think I should be fixing her something different from what we eat? I end up making her mac and cheese, for example, when we might be eating "our" dinner, since I'm just so afraid that she won't eat. She's never been motivated by food, even as an infant. She would go an entire day refusing the bottle at daycare. Now as a toddler, I can hear her tummy rumbling, but she still won't touch her food. So I end up stressing and offering her all different kinds of foods, most of which she refuses anyway. 

[Peek-a-boo]

I wouldn't  make her anything different, unless you're eating something that you feel it would unreasonable to expect her to eat, in which case I would make and offer one wholesome alternative.  For example, my DS is nearly 4 and my DD is 17 months.  DD ate like a trooper until just recently and suddenly her appetite has dropped.  If we have steak, which is difficult to chew and therefore unreasonable for them to eat, I will make them something different. 

For dinner, anything we have that is reasonable for them to eat, I serve them, usually with a small side of fruit.  When they ask to be excused, even if they've eaten next to nothing, I let them get up.  They don't get any other food that evening.  If they ask for food, I reheat and re-offer dinner, but they rarely ask.  Neither of them wake hungry.  They both eat big breakfasts. 

When we rarely have something for dinner that they love (like calzones), then I find that they don't eat much for breakfast next day.  It seems like they basically have one decent meal per day and a few nibbles at various other times throughout the day.  I chose not to worry about it and try to keep what I offer then as wholesome as possible--particularly at breakfast which is they meal they are most likely to eat. 

Check out this thread as it discusses overlapping issues:  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=158850.0

[mmom]

Unfortunately, with my LO's diet restrictions, we don't eat the same foods.  Add to that, he has no appetite at dinner unless it is one of his favorites and we are really in trouble.  If we are eating something that he can eat, I at least make him take a few bites.  But other than that, all of his food is different.  Hopefully, when he gets older, things will change for him regarding what he can and can't eat.

I know my SIL got in the habit of making my nephew different foods and now he is 4 and they struggle.  Our MIL is an OT and she suggested a "try it plate."  So he has to try whatever they are eating, but can still eat the foods that he likes.  They are making progress, but he still wants his usuals: mac n cheese, pb&j, etc.

[Peek-a-boo]

My DS can't tolerate dairy and for a while we made him different things.  When DD came along and also couldn't have dairy, we decided to make the whole family dairy free as it was so easy to make just 1-2 things again and again for the LOs. 

[mmom]

Peekaboo - That is great!  If it was just 1 food, we would do the same.  It is multiple foods and we can only introduce 1 new food every 4-6 weeks, so we are also limited there.  DH and I can't live on his diet.  We both enjoy cooking and trying new foods and flavors.  Our LO can't eat much of it.

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Bethany, thanks for that link. It really helped to browse through what others were dealing with.

I started weaning DD from video watching during meal time today. Unfortunately, she didn't eat much, even though everything on her plate was something she likes to eat. She only ate yoghurt and fruit, and didn't touch the main meal. I tried not to stress about it, and I just took her out of her high chair once she told me she was "all done". I have to remember not to give in to snacks, otherwise, she'll just fill up on that and not eat a real meal, right?

Mmom, sorry to hear about such diet restrictions with your DS. I completely understand what you mean about enjoying cooking and trying new flavors. My DH and I are the same way, which is why DD's picky eating has been hard on us. I feel like we are on diet restrictions since I end up eating her left over food, anyway!

[Peek-a-boo]

Yup, either keeps snacks to a minimum OR offer snacks that you feel are of equal nutritional value as what you offer at meals.   

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Funny development today since I completely took DD off video during mealtimes and really limited her snacks. I also only offered her two foods instead of being her "short-order cook." For dinner, I re-offered her the fried rice (which she loves, btw) but that she refused at lunch. And I also offered a side of broccoli, a veggie that she has not touched in over 5 months. Guess what happened?  She refused her rice again, but chose to eat all her broccoli!  (Go figure! I thought she'd go for the fried rice)

But, I felt really bad sending her to bed with only a bit of broccoli in her belly. It can't be very filling... At least it was healthy?

I hope she's hungry enough to eat a decent breakfast.

I wonder who is going to out last who.

[Peek-a-boo]

{{Hugs}}  Truly, my DS goes to bed most nights having eaten next to nothing for dinner and never wakes hungry.  I really think, in a way, that eating more in the beginning of the day and less at night is a more natural way to eat--our bodies sort of hibernate over night and don't use many calories--makes more sense to eat more at breakfast for energy throughout the day. 

That's great that she tried a new and healthy veg!

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Okay. An update and a quick question...

I've successfully kicked DD of the habit of eating only when distracted. She no longer needs a video or a TV to eat, and has been eating every meal with the rest of the family at the table. Yay! 

However...  (isn't there always a "however") lol   

As I was saying, however, she still doesn't eat what I put in front of her unless it's something she recognizes. For goodness sakes, I offered her fresh-baked chocolate chip muffins the other day and she refused it because she didn't know what it was. (of course, it wasn't a healthy item, so I didn't really care that she didn't want it) but, it's just so typical for her to not want something right off the get-go without even trying it first.

I can always get her to eat breakfast because she loves oatmeal, cereal, etc. Then after that, its a struggle. I've been offering her whatever it is I make for myself (within reason or with modification). There is usually something else on her plate that I know she likes, like noodles or yogurt. Most of the time, she stares at my food and won't touch it.

So my question is... is there an age when toddlers become experimental again and are willing to try new foods that are offered to them? She used to eat everything and anything. Now I feel like she chooses to eat only the same foods everyday, even though there is so much variety that she is exposed to.

[Peek-a-boo]

I think you're doing exactly the right thing.    My DS goes through spurts (I think when he's growing more) where he's hungrier and will be more adventurous, but he's nearly 4 and hasn't hit a real experimental stage again.