about weaning-for a friend

[kayra]

Hi,
I wasn't able to breastfeed, so I don't have any experience about weaning etc. so I thought I'd ask here. I have a friend who has a DS who must be 15 months. She doesn't do EASY and I think has mostly demand fed, fed to sleep etc. She had trouble starting to wean I think but once she started working again and had some one taking care of her LO he stopped having breastmilk during the day so she'd only BF at night. I was chatting with her the other day and she mentioned that she wanted to completely stop BF but that he really screamed when she refused to feed him. She said her doctor-and others I gather-had recommended that she go away for 5 days or a week and that because she wasn't there her son would basically stop BF and wouldn't necessarily want it again when she came back. Needless to say I was horrified by such a suggestion, but not having breastfed myself couldn't really give any advice. So, what's the ideal way to completely wean? I don't know exactly but my guess is that she BF while he's going to bed and then I think he gets up at night too (don't know if it's just once or a few times) and she BF then as well. How do you think I can advise her? Leaving her son for a few days like that would be so traumatic for both of them I feel that I can't just standby and let that happen without at least offering her an alternative.
Thanks!
kayra

[PaulsMom]

Hi,

I have a friend who was in the same position as your friend.  My friend was feeding her LO to sleep and feeding him if he woke at night.  Recently she weaned her son but she did it in a very gradual way.  She started by stopping the feeding to sleep.  Instead of breastfeeding she gave a sippy of milk before bed and then put him in his crib awake and just comforted him until he fell asleep.  Once she had gotten her son used to falling asleep without being fed, she gradually dropped the night feed by just offering cuddles rather than a feed.  Her husband also helped out at night.

Consistency would be key - once she decides to stop the feeding to sleep, don't go back or else her DS will get confused and perhaps more demanding (ie. if I cry hard enough, I'll get bf).  I would warn her that this transition may be hard on them because her LO is used to feeding to sleep so this is a big change for her. 

I hope this helps!

Karen

[clh]

We started out weaning the night feeds at 6-8 months.  They were big enough that they didn't need them any more.  (They were getting plenty of calories & nutrients from day milk & eventually solids.)  DH would go in & try to comfort them back to sleep.  If it worked, great!  If not, I'd assume they really were hungry & would bf them.  When each boy realized that bf was not an automatic thing, they stopped waking for it.  I weaned the bedtime feed last (at 14 and 16 months).  With J, I weaned to a bottle of cow's milk (he was well over 1), and Isaac weaned to a sippy of it.  Dh did a lot of those as well, so they couldn't smell the milk & weren't anywhere near the nursing position.  HTH...

[~ Vik ~]

Hi kayra

I agree with you - I think that her 'disappearance' could be traumatic for her lo.  He doesn't understand where she's gone or why, just that his mommy has left him :'(  There are rare situations when sudden weaning is necessary, but that doesn't seem to be the case for your friend.  There are other, gentler methods to wean him.

Have you seen the http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=157385.0 FAQ?  There's some information there that may be helpful.

Other than that, pps have given you great advice!  I agree with stopping the feeding to sleep prop first.  Once her lo is not dependent on the breast to fall asleep she can then begin to wean the feedings.  Having her dh on board will be very helpful too - when she settles her lo at night, he's used to being fed and may get very upset when he is not.  If her dh tries to settle, then he will know feeding is not an option and may settle more quickly.

hth
Vikki

[kayra]

thanks ladies!
I guess it's at times like these when independent sleep gets more and more important, in a sense it's easier to just BF LO to sleep but it gets complicated when you're trying to stop BF! I'll offer her suggestions when I next talk to her and hopefully she'll get on bored. IT seems that either way it's going to be a bit difficult, but a bit of crying and hassle for a few nights must surely be better than her disappearing for a week-he would be crying and fussing then as well anyway!
thanks again, i'll be back if a have any more questions