Author Topic: Am I dealing with this in the right way?  (Read 1457 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline *Becky*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 255
  • Posts: 19155
  • Location: Sussex, England
Am I dealing with this in the right way?
« on: December 09, 2009, 20:05:11 pm »
Hi,
I have been looking through the posts about picky eaters but just need to see what people think about this...
DS is 13 months and getting very picky. He will eat bread, cereal, raisins, cheese, yoghurt, fruit (if it is pureed) and pasta/rice occasionally. He loves Ella's Organics chicken and beef meals and so often has these which I now mix with rice or pasta as they are very smooth. That is it really. He will sometimes have breadsticks with a dip and he did like blueberries for a while.
I don't want mealtimes to turn into a battle but I do want him to try a few more foods. I find that he refuses things before he has even tried them..is this normal?
I go through stages of buying jars and then feeling bad and making lots of things but he rarely eats anything I make and quite often refuses bought food!
I am not sure if I am making it worse and this is due to a health visitor I saw when he was one. I mentioned he did not like lumps still and she said he was being manipulative. This really upset me and so I am now doubting everything I do when it comes to food. I feel he is quite young to be manipulating me but I do end up getting out lots of foods (healthy ones!) if he refuses dinner. I am not sure what to try with him now as I am running out of ideas. I also worry about him being hungry in the night. He is low sleep needs and I don't want him to be even lower!
I guess I am just looking for advice on how to handle it. Should I not be giving him the Ella's meals? I am not sure what he would eat!!!
Help!
Thanks :)
bx




Henry James and Martha Rose - my spirited pair!

Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 249
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16048
  • Location: Canada
Re: Am I dealing with this in the right way?
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2009, 20:15:39 pm »
Does he feed himself? I found that once Spencer was into self feeding we just offered her things she could eat with her fingers (mostly stuff I was cooking for supper anyways, just cut up smaller) I just put new foods on the plate with the regular stuff and let my kids decide to try it or not. Usually ends up on the floor the first few times, or pushed to the side, but I just keep offering it. I never make them try anything and our backup is that if the won't eat anything I made they get a yogurt pot each. I would keep using the meals if he likes them and you can add other stuff to them.

Honestly, I would think he just isn't used to the textures rather than being manipulative. Spencer was on purees until around 10 months and hated to even touch anything slimy or sticky. She still will give something a poke with her index finger to "test" and see if she wants to pick it up and eat it!

Oh, and I find it helps at mealtimes if I just serve supper and refrain from any cajoling with the food, today I ignored their protests over the mac & cheese I had made for lunch, turned my back to do dishes and when I snuck a peek, Masyn was eating it and Spencer decided if she was eating it why not try it too!

HTH
Heidi
Heidi




Offline clazzat

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 286
  • Posts: 12883
  • Location: Kent, UK
Re: Am I dealing with this in the right way?
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2009, 20:20:36 pm »
The Ella's meals are fine, and if you are mixing with rice or pasta then you are introducing textures - but even so, I wouldn't worry: one of dd1's friends wouldn't eat lumps at all until he was 18 months and he is just fine now.

The foods he will eat are healthy and balanced so I would be inclined to carry on giving him what he will eat to avoid the battles.  You should introduce new foods every now and then to make sure that he doesn't get too "set in his ways", but don't force the issue - it is entirely normal for them not to try something, so you should offer it to him several times: once he is used to the way it looks he is more likely to try the taste.  In a way he is being manipulative, but this is what they do - although I would agree with Heidi that lump refusal is to do with texture rather than being manipulative.  They are trying to find out where the boundaries are and where the power lies and they learn very young that food is something they have control over.  The best thing you can do for him is to let him know that there are rules about meals - not that he can't chose what he eats, and not that he has no control, but that some things are not okay.

We went through a really picky phase with dd1, and she would only eat 4 different meals for about a year - she lost 1.5kg, but she got through the other side and we don't have many problems with food now (although she is still a bit picky!).  Tips for survival:
1  Don't spend hours making new foods that he won't eat - you'll just feel upset that he is not eating what you have made.  Jars are absolutely fine, as are the Ella's pouches.
2  Offer him the foods that you know he will eat most of the time, but give new things occasionally (so maybe 1 meal every 2 days).
3  Decide what you are going to offer him for dinner (ie Ella's pouch followed by yoghurt) and then give him that - don't give him lots of alternatives, but do give him the yoghurt even if he doesn't eat the pouch.
4  Don't fight him - if he is turning his head away then offer it a couple of times then get him down from the table.  When they are going through this phase they pick up on how you feel really quickly, so if you are getting upset and trying to force it, it will make things worse.
5  I would advise you to give snacks, although some people find this makes things worse.  My experience was that it avoided the blood sugar changes which led to bad behaviour and food refusal.

By this age he shouldn't wake in the night from hunger - M never did, even when she only had some cheerios for breakfast and nothing else all day.

(((hugs))) - it's a really tedious phase, but he will get past it.

Offline anna*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 900
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 28751
  • My two
  • Location: London, UK
Re: Am I dealing with this in the right way?
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2009, 20:26:24 pm »
(((((hugs))))) I do agree with all the pps advice. The other thing I would add, is don't hover. Don't watch. Put a few little bits on his tray and leave him to it - literally leave the room if you have to. It's fine if he just plays with it, or throws it on the floor. That doesn't mean he will never like that food, you may need to offer it many, many times before he will try a taste, and he may need to take several 'yucky' tastes before he decides he likes it.

The other thing that helped with us is to use those tiny tupperware type pots, about 2" square, and put little bits of a variety of things in. So 3 tiny cheese cubes in one, 7 peas in another, 5 blueberries in another, 3 tiny cubes of chicken in another. I think he liked the look of them and enjoyed taking them out of the puts and onto his tray and back again, and eventually accidentally tasted something ;)





scucci1979

  • Guest
Re: Am I dealing with this in the right way?
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2009, 01:17:33 am »
Henry: my lo is exactly like yours. Now she will only eat bread, yogurt, fruit, craisins and some veggies. She is off meat. I keep offering it to her. She is going through a carrot phase at the moment.

I normally leave some finger foods on her tray and let her decide what she wants to eat. Sometimes, she will let me spoon feed her in between. The other day I offered her a fork and guided her to pick up the food and she ate some. She seemed to enjoy that.

I wish I could be of more help but I am in the same boat as you.  Hang in there.

Offline *Becky*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 255
  • Posts: 19155
  • Location: Sussex, England
Re: Am I dealing with this in the right way?
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2009, 08:17:47 am »
thanks so much - this is really helpful! :)




Henry James and Martha Rose - my spirited pair!

Offline anna*

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 900
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 28751
  • My two
  • Location: London, UK
Re: Am I dealing with this in the right way?
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2009, 08:43:15 am »
I also wanted to give (((((hugs))))) for what that silly HV said. Honestly sometimes they can be worse than unhelpful!!! :-*