2 1/2 yrs scared since nightmare

[llr]

DD1 had a nightmare over a month ago.  She woke up with a terrible scream and told me there was a scary guy in her room.  I turned the light on to show her there was nothing there and tried to explain that it was just a dream -- kind of like watching TV when you sleep.  I let her sleep in bed with me because she was really scared and DD2 was only a month old; I wanted to be in the same room with both and needed better sleep than DD1's floor would give me.

That week she talked about the dream all the time and would want to sleep with me when she woke in the night (I let her), but she was still having quiet time (already dropped her nap) alone and going to bed initially pretty well alone.

Then it kept getting worse and worse, needing me ALL the time.  I'm trying to be sensitive since she says she's scared and she's getting a lot less of me since DD2 came along (only 10 weeks old).

We're reading books about being scared and talking about it with her animals and the characters in the book.   She has a new lightlight.  I made her a chart this week and after 5 times of going to bed by herself she gets a special trip just with me for ice cream and the pet store.  (The chart worked miracles when she was afraid to poop.  Now she goes 4x a day!)  I say a special prayer for her and her stuffed animals are supposed to help.

I'm not sure at this point how much she is actually still scared and how much she's just using it to keep me around.  But when I try to completely leave she gets hysterical and climbs over the gate.  I actually think the gate is a bit of an issue right now, but I don't feel safe letting her run abound everywhere, so I told her the gate will keep the dreams out.  A couple times when she's mad about something she's told me she's scared.

Yesterday, I started with only my knees and my feet in her room.  Then she let me move to the hallway, but the gate was off and she had her big light on, and she kept checking that I was ther and it took a full 3 hrs for her to go to bed!  I don't have time for that! 

Any suggestions?

[amandamae]

Hello! I don't know much about getting your DD to sleep happily on her own, but as far as being scared my mother had an excellent solution! I used to have a reoccurring nightmare when I was little of snakes coming to get me (a friend of mine had one of spiders and this worked for her too). I would go to my mom's room and tell her I was scared and one night when I woke her she had the idea to help me turn my scary dreams into silly ones. We stayed up for about 2 hours making all these scary snakes into silly ones. Pink snakes with purple polka dots (for some reason I remember that one in particular) green ones with stripes, furry snakes, snakes with antennae, on and on. After that night I never had a scary snake dream again. I also kept using the technique through my childhood and even now when I'm afraid of something irrational. HTH!!

[llr]

I'll try it! 

[We Three]

That IS a tough one!! I don't have much advice, but I did have a thought.....sometimes, things *begin* for one reason, but *continue* for a different reason.  KWIM?  The dream really DID scare her, and the concept of "it isn't real" must be sooo hard for her to grasp....but I think that perhaps what she is afraid of now is the *feeling* of being scared...does that make sense?

My dd is almost 3, and I have often in the past, when she gets hurt and is crying...been teaching her to "think happy thoughts".  I will make my voice very quiet and breathy, and I will say "Let's think happy thoughts, like swimming at Mikey's house, and the kittens we saw at the pet store...can you name some more?"  This only seems to work when we are close and cuddly and quiet.  Don't know if it will work "in the moment", but maybe at bedtime after stories you could go through those visualizations with her, while adding "These are such happy thoughts....do you think we should think happy thoughts when we feel upset or sad?"

OR...dh just offered this....could you tell her "Guess what?? That dream you had? That was Daddy!!! daddy came in here last week and was putting your clothes away, and he thought you were sleeping..."   Then dh could say "I didn't mean to scare you, silly, I was just trying to be very quiet and not wake you up!"       Not sure how I feel about that, just kinda brainstorming for you!

My dd has Chritmas lights in her room, on top of her armoire, entwined in some berry garland. You can get a 30-light set especially now at holiday time....her room will glow, it really looks so pretty, and is just enough light to see, but not so much that a person couldn't go to sleep. . Maybe you could tell her they are fairy lights or something? I saw Super Nanny suggest that once, and I had to chuckle since my dd has had those in her room since moment one!

[uconngal]

I have the same problem with my 2.5 year old daughter. She is convinced that a man tried to tickle her in her crib. We NEVER talk about it unless she brings it up. I don't want to put the idea in her head if she isn't thinking about it. If she tells us about it, then we try to convince her (I also use the silly approach) that mommy, daddy and sister are the only ones in the house and that we set the alarm and lock the doors so that no one else can come in. I always make light of anything she is scared of. We also had to put a brighter nightlight in her room so that it wasn't so dark. She had trouble when we left her room for awhile (she didn't specifically say that her dream was the reason why but she acted very scared). We just reassured her that we were down the hall and she could call us through the monitor if she needed us. There was a lot of standing by the door quietly for a couple of minutes each night to calm her down but she seems to be doing better. I also never snuck out, I always said 'good night and i love you' quietly before I left. If she started to whine, I would stay a little longer but would always leave before she fell asleep. We also tell her that daddy kisses her goodnight after she sleeps and that it was probably him. She doesn't seem to be scared anymore but she'll just bring 'him' up occasionally over breakfast or at some random time. I know I don't have any specific advice but I hope this helps. Does she have a 'lovie' of some kind? We also reassure her that her bunny blanket takes care of her. I thought about getting a dream catcher to put over her bed but things got better before I need it. Best of luck and remember, 'this too shall pass'

[yunnage]

I don't know if this will help, but our 24 month old son suddenly refused to go into the crib.  He was screaming bloody murder and acted all panicky when we put him in the crib.  The fear in his eyes was unlike anything I'd ever seen.  He doesn't have the words to tell us if it's a nightmare or whatnot, but he was clearly petrified of going into his crib all of a sudden (we've never had problems with him sleeping at all).  So, the next night we gave him one of his stuffed animals to take into the crib with him.  We told him that it's his protector.  He already sleeps with a bunny, but I guess Monkey had something special because after that night he stopped.

Good luck.