How do I sort her out!

[clazzat]

dd2 is 16 months, never the greatest sleeper but has got a lot better.  A couple of weeks ago she slept every night from 6.30 till 5.30/6 and then I would get into bed with her and we would sleep for another hour or so.  This has been the most common pattern since about 10/11 months, although we do get quite a lot of NWs on and off.  She got a chest infection 10 days ago and since then has slept 2 nights (once till 4.15, once till 6.05) - every other night she has woken and will not go back to sleep until I go to bed with her.  We are in the middle of the 2-1 which isn't helping.  The last tooth broke the gum about a week ago - it wouldn't surprise me if it is still bothering her, but she still wakes up if we give her meds.

I know that I shouldn't be getting into bed with her, but there is literally nothing else I can do - I can't do PD because she doesn't get up; I can't do WIWO because she gets totally hysterical, to the point where she is choking and nearly throwing up, and can keep this up for 4 hours; I can't do gradual withdrawal because if I am in the room but not holding her she gets hysterical too.  I can't rock her to sleep and put her down because she wakes up when I put her down, or, more often won't go to sleep at all on me.

Her day looks like this:
Wake - any time from 5.30  Don't get up until 6.30, so aim to AP her back to sleep at this point (usually works)  Sometimes AP keeps her asleep until 7.

Nap 1 - 9.30 for 15/20 mins.  This only happens if she is up fairly early - if she is awake after 6 she is not normally ready for a sleep.
Nap 2 - 12.45-2.30 if 2 nap day; otherwise 12 for as long as she can (normally 2h15 ish)

Bed - 6.30

I have no problem with her waking at 6, but I would like to find a way of getting rid of the NWs as I want to sleep in my own bed.  If anyone has any suggestions I would be very grateful.  Incidentally, I am not convinced it is a prop issue, as I have always had to sleep with her if she wakes in the night, but I understand that at this age props can become more of a problem more quickly so I recognise it might be - but then I am left with the problem of how to tackle it.

[deckchariot]

{{{{{{hugs}}}}} as it sounds like you're really in a bind!  It really does sound like a prop issue to me - especially since you've "always" had to sleep with her if/when she wakes.  It sounds like she's never learned how to go back to sleep on her own, and as she's gotten older, it's only gotten worse.

I know you said that pd, wi/wo and gw don't work, but honestly, those are the only things I  know to try.  I would say if she gets so upset to the point of vomitting with wi/wo, don't do that.   But do try gradual withdrawal - it may just have to be super, super gradual.  I'd start with moving a mattress into the room (or do you already have a bed that both of you can sleep on there?).  And start with sleeping with her. 

Does she have a lovie?  This is a good time to introduce one if she doesn't.  So you, lovie and dd all lie down together and go to sleep.  And, because I would say she's never really been an independent sleeper, you may want to stay with her all night long - so you're right there for any NWs.  When she wakes, have a key phrase that you say (something simple 'it's time for night night...here's your teddy/blanket/etc.) and don't waiver from that.  Then after 3-5 days (or a week maybe), prepare her that you will still sleep in her room, but you'll be right next to the bed, and she'll be in the bed with blanket/teddy/lovie.  Then move a mattress in there so you can sleep on the floor next to her bed.  And repeat the same process you did while you were in the bed with her.  Then every 3-5 days (or a week), move the mattress closer to the door. 

Each time, use the same phrase to comfort her.  At this age, consistency is crucial.  Each time you vary the routine or go back in to bed with her or take her in your bed, reinforces the waking habit - she will then think the next night "maybe if I cry and scream enough, mommy will come back into bed".  Tracy recommends that parents alternate shifts, each parent taking 2 nights on and 2 nights off.  I would be prepared to get little to no sleep each time you withdraw further.  If you can stick to a well thought through plan, I really do think it will work.  There will be lots of crying, and you may have nights where nobody gets any sleep.  But the more consistent you are, the better it will be in the long run.

The other option is to keep doing what you're doing, but then you'll need to be there for every NW and sleep with her. 

hth
michelle

[clazzat]

Thanks for the reply, Michelle.  The really confusing thing is that she is a very independent sleeper - she goes down by herself for naps and at bedtime, normally without a squeak.  She will often cry out in the night and then settle herself - it just seems to be if she gets past a certain point that she doesn't seem to be able to go back to sleep on her own.  We do have a bed in her room, so I go through to her - she doesn't actually seem to like sharing the bed as she will often push me away and sleep on the other side.  She does have a lovey - which she is VERY attached to - and I keep hoping that just giving it back to her will work!

I think you're right, though - I will have to tackle it, but I think (apart from the fundamental dread of how awful it is going to be!  ) a lot of my problem is that I just can't figure her out.

[deckchariot]

{{{{{hugs}}}}} it is hard because they're always changing.  If she's able to go to sleep on her own and has sometimes been able to settle herself at night, that will help.  Being in the midst of the 2 to 1 transition will make life more complicated.  If you're close to being on just one nap, I'd be tempted to just AP til the routine sorts out (since you're already doing it), and then tackle the GW - one issue at a time.  It looks like you're just about there - since that first nap is so short.

You can do it!!!!

[clazzat]

Thanks - we have certainly decided that we are not going to tackle anything until after Christmas!  We really have enough going on.  She actually slept last night - woke 3 times briefly but put herself back to sleep, which is good.

A question about GW - if she is not waking every night (I'm getting hopeful here  ) will it still work?  I don't really want to station myself in her room in case she wakes up, but I'm not sure whether I can move away gradually if I'm not there every night iyswim.

We are certainly very close to 1 nap - but she can only manage on 1 for a day or 2 at most without getting OT.  I know that we will have to deal with a certain amount of OT, but I am trying to keep it to a minimum.

Thanks for the replies.

[deckchariot]

wise decision to wait until after Christmas to start working on anything - she's got enough going on now!  I do think GW will work even if you don't need to do it every night.  I would have your plan for how you're going to do it (for any and all NWs), but then only use it when you need to.  If she's sometimes able to do it herself, I think the whole process will be much easier.

If she's at the point where you go back and forth between 1 and 2 naps, you're really close, so I think that will also hep things out!  You're doing great!!