Help with 13-month old

[Em703]

Hello - this is my first time posting (actually, I just posted in the food section, so technically it's my second!)... I am almost finished reading the baby whisperer book and I have a few questions for anyone out there who can help me.  I guess first I will give some background...

My daughter is 13 months old.  She is a very happy and smiley baby, however, since 4 months, she has not been a great sleeper.  Up until that point, she was waking up 2x a night to nurse.  At 4 months, we attempted to move her into her own room (she was previously in a basinette in our room) into her crib.  Around this same time, she started teething and also caught a serious cold that resulted in a few trips to the ER where the doctor recommended bringing her back into our room and allow her to sleep with us or on the floor in her car seat.  We had not been allowing her to do that previously.  Following that, we ended up moving her crib into our room (too big for the basinette) for another 2 months.  I had to return to work when she was 6 months and we had a family friend come in and look after her for the 3 hour period where my husband and my work schedules overlapped.  This resulted in my daughter's schedule getting extremely messed up.  Prior to me returning to work, I could put my daughter down at night semi-awake and she would fall asleep on her own, however she was never great with naps.  Following the time where our family friend was involved, who, unknowingly to us, was letting our daughter "cry it out" despite our direction not to do that.  My husband, at his witt's end, started rocking her to sleep for naps and at night time, and I followed suit.  On nights when things weren't great, we allowed her to sleep between us (something I swore I'd never do!).  So, a lot of accidental parenting went on after we learned that she had been "crying it out."  When we found out, we no longer invited that person to babysit for us. 

Over the last several months, my daughter gets up frequently, sometimes hourly.  The best nights are when she wakes 2x.  I am still nursing - right before bed, and at the times when she wakes at night. I am hoping to completely wean her ASAP, but I am not sure how to do it, especially when I want to start the PU/PD technique.  I'd like to start a schedule and follow the Baby Whisperer way, but I am not sure how to specifically do this with a 13-month old.

Should I be aiming for 2 naps?  For how long?  I know I need to get her to eat more during the day so that she isn't feeding at night, however sometimes she is using me as a pacifier.    Is there an example of EASY for a 13 month old?

HELP!

[~*Nicole*~]

Hello and welcome!

You have a lot going on, but have come to the right place!

There are two main things going on within your situation.....needing a routine.....and needing to wean props (feeding, rocking, co-sleeping, etc.) On the EASY board we can work on the routine with you.

If you post your routine...or some idea of what your days currently look like. When she wakes, when she eats, when she sleeps, what you do when/if she doesn't nap well or wakes at night, etc. In the EASY format we can try to see where you should be heading.

When my DD was 13 months old she was still taking 2 naps, but I was cutting one shorter to fit in the second one and keep bedtime at a reasonable hour. Something like:

7:00-wake (if I was LUCKY--usually earlier) and have milk
8:00-breakfast
9:15/30 ish- snack to hold her through nap
10:00-10:30-nap and wake her
11:00/11:30-lunch and milk
1:30/2:00-nap for 1.5 to 2 hours
3:30/4:00ish-snack
5:30-dinner
7:00-milk and bedtime

I can't remember exactly but it was something LIKE that.

[firsttimemummy]

Just posting here so I can keep up-to-date with suggestions, etc as my DS is 12 months old next week and things have gone pear-shaped so good to see what similar age babies are doing.  Welcome, by the way!  I have used the boards for various things and have got some great advice

[Em703]

Thanks for your replies!

Today was our first day trying EASY... so far so good I think.  My daughter was up just before 7am, so we got up then, gave her a bottle - Breakfast at 8am.  I tried PD with her for her morning nap around 9:30am.  It took 30 minutes and she stayed down for an hour.  I wasn't sure if I was supposed to try and get her to sleep for an hour and a half, or just let her wake up at the time she would have woken up had she slept the full time.  We had lunch around 12:30-1pm, and my husband tried PD with her around 2:30pm for her afternoon nap.  It took him 15 minutes and she stayed down for almost an hour.  He tried PD again to get a bit more out of her and she stayed down another 10 minutes or so.  She had a bottle at 4pm and supper at 5:30.  She had a bath, her last breast feed ever, (plus we triedto give her a bit more milk as a top up, I don't think I'm making that much milk now), brushed her teeth, 2 books, put some quiet music on and I did PD for 35 minutes.  She didn't scream like she did this morning.  She mostly rolled around and fussed but didn't cry as hard as this morning.  She almost threw up once (which was our problem in the past ) but didn't.  My husband is going to take the next shift with PD - so we're just going to make sure she hasn't pooped and try and get her to go right back down.

Am I on the right track?? Any tips?

Thanks so much for your help!  2 years of no more than 3 hours sleep in a row is starting to catch up with me (I had a difficult pregnancy as well)...

[~*Nicole*~]

You definitely are. You're not using props and you're being consistent. Once she IS sleeping well and napping well she may head towards cutting or tweaking her naps, but it sounds REALLY good for getting onto a good daily routine.

Be forewarned for a couple/few days of good results and then some regression. It DOES happen. Keep going with what you are doing and don't lose faith! It should get back to being better again and then eventually be where you want it.

I think at her age if she takes two one hour naps that is great....I think right around 2 to 2.5 hours is a good amount of daytime sleep and if you can fit it in you should be in good shape. I only needed to wake DD when she started refusing to take her pm nap. Then I woke her so I had enough time for her to get tired again and nap again before bed...otherwise she'd be sooo tired by bed on only one nap in the morning. Does that make sense? So I'd keep trying for the two like you are...if that starts to not go well we'll tackle that issue then.

[Em703]

Okay - so she got up a few times but easily went back to bed.  We have had great success today as well - we actually had to wake her up this morning and following both of her naps.  How many bottles should she be getting?  I had thought 7am, 11am (after nap), 4pm (after nap) and 7pm (at bedtime) - is this too much?  We're also in the process of trying to get her to eat finger foods - she won't eat them, or she throws up when she gets any size chunk in her mouth - she won''t be anything up herself to eat. 

Still trying to work it out!  Suggestions greatly appreciated!

[~*Nicole*~]

The sleeping sounds like it is going well

DD dropped to 3 bottles around 8.5 ish months actually. I combined the two mid-day ones but she did really well with solids and took very easily to finger foods.

Do you offer the solids first and then the bottles? That sometimes helps to encourage eating a bit more solids wise and a bit less milk wise. DD could never wait for breakfast, so I still do milk first, but the rest of the time I tend to offer her sippy cups at the same time as meals. I still did one right before bedtime though.

You can also try introducing a sippy cup or even a regular cup with your assistance or a straw cup if you'd like. You can keep a bottle for morning and night to make sure she takes enough and use cups with lunch and dinner to offer her more milk if you'd like, or keep all the bottles until she takes more food in general, but at 12 months they recommend that we provide most of the required nutrients/calories in the form of food with milk as an added bonus.

A lot of moms have trouble switching to solid foods. Here are a few suggestions I have heard from many that seemed to have helped.

*Slowly increase the texture by making foods less pureed bit by bit.
*Mashed soft foods (bananas and avocados etc.) are usually fairly successful.
*Offer what you and the rest of your family is eating...eggs/french toast/pancakes for breakfast, etc.
*Try to only offer 1 or 2 new foods at a meal/time and also offer something she already likes at the same time.
*Don't force it. Make food an enjoyable experience. Act like it's not a big deal if she doesn't take to it.
*Keep offering! It takes a LOT of first tries for kids to acquire a taste for a new food ESP. if they don't like the texture.

Here are some things that I know DD took to really well b/c they weren't too difficult to eat at first.

*Gerber puffs-they basically dissolve so quickly they learn what happens to hard foods once their saliva is in contact and it helps them figure out what to do. Took a few tries and DD was a BIG fan.
*Stage 2 and 3 jarred foods do a lot of pasta/veggie/chicken or turkey mixes. If you make your own you can try to replicate something like this. Using cream of anything soups and slightly overcooking pastas so they are softer makes foods a bit creamier and smoother which might help. If you have already introduced her to tomato based things that is also a good way to make a smoother mix of things...but when I first gave them to DD she got bad diaper rash until she was more used to the acidity of the tomato sauce etc.
*yogurt is a big favorite for a lot of kids and DD enjoyed it.
*Adding soft fruits (cooked pears or apples etc) to baby cereal was something DD loved.
*Using purees as "dips" for things you'd like them to try: pieces of chicken, toast, etc. might help.
*White, blander tasting fish cook up pretty soft and can be added to things. DD likes tilapia, flounder, tuna, etc. I think she likes salmon (but I don't so I never make it lol)

[Em703]

Nicole - you're making me feel a lot better as we've tried a lot of this already!  But at least I know I'm on the right track!  She USED to eat cheerios and the gerber puffs, but now she refuses.  We were out shopping two weeks ago and it was close to dinner time and there was a sample lady giving out White Cheddar Cheese Kraft Dinner - out of desperation trying to get out of the store without her getting fussy, I gave her the sample - which she ate no problem!  We were excited and bought some - and now she won't eat it.  I did mash up a banana - which she threw up.  She will eat yogurt and flavoured apple sauces (as well as regular).  She's starting to eat Stage 3 baby food without throwing up every time - she still gags frequently and the odd time will throw up.  Thanks for your suggestions - we'll keep at it.

We have been offering her a sippy with water in it.  I recently read somewhere that breastfed babies do better with the straw sippy - so we have tried that too.  As far as milk, we have kept it strictly in the bottle for now, as she doesn't really use the sippy yet -she still bites on them.  I'm not sure exactly how much to put in the bottles, as up until yesterday I was still nursing (Sooooooooo sore right now)...  We have been offering the bottles as snacks and not at meals.  The first bottle is when she wakes up, the others are around 1.5 hours before a meal, and the last is at bedtime.

[~*Nicole*~]

Here's a link on toddler portions that I find useful.

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=24957.0

So for Milk: 4 servings of 1/2 cup a day...4 oz. each of her 4 bottles then. But can be less if she is having yogurt or cheese or other dairy.

You're doing the right things. She may also be teething...that definitely puts a kink in things.


Congratulations on nursing for so long! That's great!

[firsttimemummy]

I was surprised at how well DS ate breadsticks - I would never have thought he would manage them but he loves them (he is 1 on Thursday!) - I think I started with toast before them and he liked that too.  Weetabix is a good breakfast cereal too.

[Em703]

Help - things have taken a serious turn for the worse!  Yesterday my daughter screamed through her "naptime" - so no nap was had.  Last night she went down at bedtime without any issue, got up around midnight and easily went back down.  At 5am this morning, she threw a massive tantrum - never seen this before with her.  Throwing herself around the crib, etc.  I ended up taking her out of the crib as I wasn't sure if her behaviour was from the PD technique or if she was getting a cold (my husband and I are both sick and she was sick last week).  She continued to throw a tantrum even out of the crib - clawing, biting and headbutting me.  I'm not sure if this is because I also stopped nursing when we started trying EASY.  She never went back down to sleep this morning, so we just carried on as if she had gotten up for the day at 7am.  This seemed to work.  She went down within minutes and slept for an hour and forty-five this morning.  I have just spent the last 45 minutes attempting to put her down for her afternoon nap.  She tantrumed again - not as severely as last night - and refused to let me touch her, rub her back or otherwise - she kept pushing my hand away and going to the far side of the crib where I couldn't reach her back (but staying laying down). 

HELP!  I"m not sure how we should tweak things to make this work!  Is this a normal introduction to EASY or should I be chalking this up to the fact that I stopped nursing or that she may be getting sick?

I really want to stick with this - but I want to make sure I'm doing things correctly!

[firsttimemummy]

I think after a few days most babies have a relapse, according to the book and you just need to try to remain consistent (as hard as it is) and it will pass.  It's horrible as you think things are on track then they go bad (and it feels even worse as you experienced the good bits!) .. you will get there.

[~*Nicole*~]

I'm willing to bet it's a reaction demonstrating her disapproval of everything changing suddenly for her. LOs are resistant to change as they like to know what to expect. Since you want her to expect a more consistent routine and no more nursing, stick with what you want to continue with and try to be as consistent as possible. At her age, they tend to "voice" their concerns and if they can't do that they will SHOW you their dislike...which is really just not liking what is DIFFERENT than what they're used to.

It can also be an illness/teething/OT/stopping nursing or a combination of any of those! The BEST thing to do is remain consistent and comforting. If she doesn't want to be touched, leave her and use your voice to comfort her if need be.

You may have luck not letting her sleep too long in the morning, say an hour tops, even if her night has been rough, as she may be less resistant to an afternoon nap then.

It sometimes helps to let her have her tantrum and walk away so she has space and knows you're not going to be in the line of fire (getting bitten, scratched, headbutted) and then coming in to comfort when she has calmed down. But I haven't had too many full blown tantrums yet so hard to say from lack of experience)

[Em703]

Okay - I like your suggestion to limit the morning nap to an hour.  I think that should be helpful - my other thought was to try and hold out for one long nap in the afternoon.

I've been meaning to ask - what does LO, DD, DS, etc mean?  I see them in many posts???

[~*Nicole*~]

LO-little one
DS/DD-Darling or Dear Son or Daughter
DH-Darling/Dear Husband

Not sure if you've worked out and BW abbrevs.
OT-overtired
UT-undertired
httj-holding through the jolts
EW-early wake
NW-night wake
NF-night feed
BF-breastfeed

etc.