Author Topic: NWs+EWs+bad routine+co-sleeping Can I have a little more advice(March)? (Read 19855 times)

louis-mummy · « **Reply #30 on:** January 28, 2010, 21:31:17 pm »

Loving Anna's description of wi/wo!

no wonder it took us forever as i was walking back in more than anything else! i'm also a total wimp for crying, i've always described it as like someone ringing a big bell in my head! ugh! but having the 'rules' there in black and white would really help in those moments where you might falter and be tempted to 'rescue' her.

you know she did SO well when you first did gw.........i reckon (and hope!) that you're going to be pleasantly shocked with wi/wo. when we got a lot of the independant sleeping thing cracked with Louis he very quickly napped much better so here's hoping for that too.

good luck

p.s. consistency is king

louis-mummy · « **Reply #31 on:** January 28, 2010, 21:35:34 pm »

Quote from: Shiv52 on January 28, 2010, 21:30:43 pm

We're starting tomorrow! Going to start with our nap. We go to music at the library in the morning so she's usually wrecked by the time we get home and get lunch. But I am expecting a lot of crying. Earlier when I moved the chair further away she shouted 'chair back here' so I know she thinks one of us sitting here is a part of her going to sleep.

We had a big regression in sleeping habits when DS's speech improved, he found the words to pull at my heart strings even more than usual!

good luck for tomorrow :-)

Roseii · « **Reply #32 on:** January 30, 2010, 16:56:40 pm »

Hey Shiv, how did you get on?? I keep delaying starting (I did this with GW too!!) She is coldy and teething. Last night wasn't too bad though, she did wake 3 times but they were in short succession between 2-3am so she slept well either side...Anyway hope you got on well?
Laura I so hope you're right, and it's so true she responded to GW way better than I ever thought she would, I pray WIWO is the same!! Was out with friends for lunch today, they let their DD CIO for an hour for the first night

She then of course slept really well so they totally recommend that. They weren't being at all pushy but they were advocating it, I had to bite my tongue and stop from spouting BW'isms!!
x

Roseii · « **Reply #33 on:** January 30, 2010, 16:58:59 pm »

Oh, we have been out and about today but naps have turned out really well: 45 mins this morning, then fell asleep on our way home from lunch and she is still asleep now, will probably get about 1 hour 45 mins if I wake her at 5pm which I think I should otherwise bedtime will be a nightmare. Fingers crossed it impacts well on tonight. x

Shiv52 · « **Reply #34 on:** January 30, 2010, 19:03:56 pm »

I was sick as a dog all day yesterday and not much better today. That being said she feel asleep within minutes for all sleep times the last two days!

I will start soon! Hope your LO is feeling better soon xx

Roseii · « **Reply #35 on:** January 30, 2010, 22:52:21 pm »

Oh no Shiv, poor you I hope you feel better asap. At least DD is sleeping well however she arrives there!!

Well I know I was going to start WIWO with naps but after we had a good sleep day today I thought maybe it couldn't hurt to start it tonight because I also figured I would be more likely to keep at it than if it was a nap in the day. Also DH is off for 3 days (Sat, Sun, Mon) so this is a very rare opportunity to get him to help me!! (sorry Anna feel guilty for ignoring your great advice on that bit)

So she woke from her nap at 5.10pm, I had her in bed at 8.18pm to be precise (day started at 7.30am so it was just short of a 13 hour day which is what I am aiming for anyway)
So the second I left the room she was HYSTERICAL I mean the kid sounded possessed. She was doing this weird hyper-ventilating crying which every now and again sounded like laughing. It was really quite disturbing. I left her for 30 secs at a time for 10 mins, everytime I walked in the room she lay down straight away without me even telling her to, and stuck her little hand through the bars to try and touch me

But as soon as I headed for the door she jumped up again. After 10 mins I started leaving her for one min in the hope she might calm herself ever so slightly, no such luck. DH took over and basically she screamed hysterically, absolutely no let up at all for nearly 40 mins

By that point DH was *really* not on board anymore (didn't take him very long hey $:-\$ ) I just did not want to argue with him over it, he kept saying it felt so unfair to leave her so upset and hysterical, and I can't even tell you how guilty I felt by that point. Anyway at that point he sat on the floor in her room in she was asleep in 3 mins.

So we didn't do very well

But, the positive thing is, DH has not been able to settle her for weeks, so the fact that she fell asleep with him present (even if it was through sheer exhaustion) is a bonus. Also I feel now like I might be able to make a very quick jump from crouching next to the cot with her fingers in my mouth, to sitting in the lovely comfy rocking chair and finally GW towards the door...I feel like this short spurt of WIWO has sprung me into action that I can be tougher with GW if that makes sense? I am even tempted to do a similar thing tomorrow night, say 10 mins of WIWO then sit as far away from the cot as I can get away with and see if she drops off...

Would that be too confusing for her?? I hope you don't think I am being ungrateful for all the fab advice re WIWO

I really was aiming to do it, but if DH isn't on board I just can't be doing with arguing over it, it is too difficult to try and do this kind of thing alone.

I would still massively appreciate any help, advice and support if you don't disown me

thanks for sticking with me

Roseii · « **Reply #36 on:** January 30, 2010, 23:03:20 pm »

Ps Anna I did the toddler test, she is textbook-spirited! I was very surprised at the textbook bit at first but I think that's because I focus soooo much on her sleeping and how she's not "normal." But when I think about it she is very textbook in lots of areas. And I knew she was spirited without even doing the test, but it proved that bit

Shiv52 · « **Reply #37 on:** January 30, 2010, 23:38:37 pm »

Sorry hun for your rough night. I nearly cried at her sticking her wee hand out of the cot. Maeve does that and says 'hold hands'. I didn't know what she was on about until DH said he hold her hand until she sleeps! I think if you are going to do GW, just do it by itself. I don't think I would combine it with WI/WO if it were me.

Is she used to you being there and touching her? Or are you normally just in the room?

Roseii · « **Reply #38 on:** January 31, 2010, 08:46:38 am »

It is SO heartbreaking isn't it! Bless DH for holding her hand, even if it was creating anohter prop lol!!
I don't have a tough bone in my body when it comes to DD. She falls asleep with her fingers in my mouth, this is her prop weird as it sounds! Whenever she is tired or upset she does it. She will actually put her fingers in pretty much anyone's mouth if she is tired enough!!
So yes she is used to physical contact. Maybe I should try harder to break that association tonight. I have half-heartedly tried before but it was so hard I gave in...

Last night was like this:
S 9pm after WIWO fiasco
A 12.40am settled quickly with me in the room (fingers in my mouth, oops)
A 2.35am settled by 3am but no fingers in the mouth, just me sitting next to the cot.
A 6am

She without fail wakes up between 6-6.10am every day, refuses to settle in her bed, even though she has settled there for however many NWs and it is still just as dark at 6am. But she will then come in my bed and sleep for another hour or more. I know this is creating another problem in itself but I have a sort of "not before 6am" rule, and also I am telling myself that at least she is getting more like an 11-12 hour night...I am hoping that maybe we can conquer GW for settling and get her out of the OT cycle, THEN try and tackle the early morning co-sleeping!!

Hope you're feeling better today Shiv. x

anna* · « **Reply #39 on:** January 31, 2010, 09:01:33 am »

Charli, just to make sure I'm clear I meant start with the first nap on (say) Monday and then use WIWO for all sleeps and all NWs thereafter - not do naps only for a few days and night time afterwards! Don't know if that is what you thought, but that would be just too confusing for her - after all, she doesn't know what time of day it is!

Roseii · « **Reply #40 on:** January 31, 2010, 09:23:56 am »

oh I did realise you meant that, I just meant I started altogether with a night rather than a nap.
And it was a disaster!! x

anna* · « **Reply #41 on:** January 31, 2010, 09:31:50 am »

Hun, 40 mins really isn't bad for a first attempt at WIWO. I think you should expect the first few attempts to take a long time. I wouldn't do 10 mins WIWO and then stay with her - isn't that just going to teach her that you have to scream for ten mins and then mummy or daddy will stay with you to sleep?

Roseii · « **Reply #42 on:** January 31, 2010, 09:36:56 am »

No you're right, 40 mins isn't bad at all, it's doing it for 40 mins then giving in and daddy sitting in there with her!! It's just soooo hard to convince DH to do this (I mean he agreed in principal then changed his mind after 40 mins of screaming) And I feel like I can't try and force him to do something he isn't comfortable with, I would hate it if he were doing that to me.
And yes you are totally right. I guess in the fog last night WIWO turning to GW seemed like a good idea!! I think maybe I just need to be really tough and totally break the physical contact and sit across the room and really be tough with moving towards the door. I think DH could tolerate her screaming more if one of us is actually in her room...

SOOOOOOO sick of getting up the night I can't even tell you. I know people go through so much worse with their LOs and thank god she is healthy and happy. But boy would I love a full night's sleep

Shiv52 · « **Reply #43 on:** January 31, 2010, 11:34:43 am »

I think its a big step from going to sleep with someone there and having physical contact to WI/WO. It seems a big jump to me, much bigger than going from some one sitting near the door to WI/WO. I'd probably concentrate first on her going to sleep by herself with no one touching her. Will she put her fingers in her own mouth for comfort? You'll probably still have a lot of crying but you can reassure her but stand your ground. If you decide to cut the physical contact I would try and agree with DH that he will not give in so long as you are able to be in the room with her. I think once she's used to going to sleep with no physical contact you'll be able to move out the door quicker or move to WI/WO then. It took us (well DH) two nights to break the holding hand carry on so hopefully it won't take you very long.

{{{{hugs}}}

louis-mummy · « **Reply #44 on:** January 31, 2010, 22:34:36 pm »

Hi Charli

You must do whatever you feel is best for S and you and DH, i reckon its best to do a plan which you can realistically maintain and be consistent with. If you don't honestly think you can both be consistent with wi/wo then do something else.

Having said that i agree that 40 mins is really not too bad and a few tough nights of consistent wi/wo will give you more dramatic results than gw.

good luck x

p.s congrats Shiv

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