new momma, new to EASY, have questions!

[cecilia2010]

Hello all... thank you so much for taking the time, if you can, to read and respond to these questions.

I have a lovely 6 week old daughter who, on good days, seems to be an Angel/Textbook type baby. On other days, she sometimes seems a bit Touchy. Here are my questions:

1/ I have been trying the EASY schedule with her a bit. She tends to go straight from E to S in the mornings which I have been letting her do. Is it okay to let her do that? Or should I keep her awake and engage her in some playtime activity before sleep? Seems like if I did that, she would start crying...? I get pretty strong ‘I need to sleep’ signals after the morning feeds on the days that she wants to go directly to sleep (she doesn’t do that on all days.)

2/ Some days, she does E, A, S right like the book says... it's all easy and she has good naps throughout the day, eats well and while she fusses a bit when put down for a nap, I eventually get her there. Getting her to sleep at night is not a big deal, especially if we give her a bath, etc.

Other days, like yesterday and today (ahem!) she is a disorganized, fussy baby who will NOT take her naps, no matter what I do. Today she had a nap in the morning (about 1.5 hours) after sleeping really well the night before: slept from 10-11pm, had a feed, then back to sleep by 12am and slept until 5:30am. Had a feed, then back to sleep until 7:45am. Since then, she has been almost constantly awake since about 12 noon, with just a few cat naps here and there, and one 40 minute nap from 7 to 7:40pm. Her eating also seems a bit irregular today - instead of gulping down her 3-4oz at each feed, it's been a 4oz here, a 1oz there, then a 2oz... as I said, she seems disorganized and totally 'off' today and I can't figure out what is going on with her. And I am also worried about her not getting that much sleep...? Last night we had to bounce her in her vibrating bouncer on our bed until she fell asleep, and then were finally able to put her in her crib once she feel asleep at 12am. Once she is asleep and in her crib, she generally stays there and is fine (at night - it can be trickier during the day on days like these.)

I guess my question is: what is going that she is so regular on some days, and then a mess on others? On her good days, her naps are sometimes long (3-4 hours); I was just reading somewhere in the BW notes on this site that I shouldn't let her go more than a 2 hour nap during the day... is this true? Could the irregularity be that I am letting her sleep too much during the day? Is the irregularity be related to a growth spurt? Seems like this happens after a stretch of good days, although I haven’t really charted it that carefully.

Thanks for your input.

[Jiinx]

hey hun,

welcome to BW!! Before we tackle your questions, would it be okay to post your EASY? whatever you have..it'll give us a good idea of her A times (however small it is) and her Ss (how many naps, how much sleep at night etc.)

Thanks! looking forward to your reply.

[cecilia2010]

Hi there... thanks for replying!

I don't really have a specific EASY yet. She's still been a bit all over the board. But on the days she sleeps well, I have generally tried to EAS except that I probably did not do enough A. She would often seem very sleepy after E, so I would just let her slip right into sleep. Two days ago, I did this and she slept a LOT all day long. Basically would eat and then sleep 2-4 each time. That night, however, she was a mess - waking up every 1.5 - 3 hours whereas she is already sleeping through the night. Usually...

I think I've got her back on track today. Yesterday she slept very little. A 2 hour nap in the morning, a few catnaps throughout the day and one 40 minute nap in the late afternoon. By 9pm, she was a mess - crying a lot, rubbing her ears and yet I couldn't get her to sleep. Finally at around 10pm, she conked out. I can't remember if that involved a feeding before she conked out, but I think it did (she had been feeding off yesterday too.)

Once asleep, she slept great. She went from about 10:30pm to 3:45am. Had a 3oz feeding, went right back to sleep (this is typical for her when things are going well.) Slept again from 4:30 to 9:30am.

Fingers crossed that I've got her back on track today. She had 4oz at 9:45am, we did playmat from about 10:10am until 10:30am. I noticed tired signs then, so swaddled her and got her in her crib. It took her about 20 minutes (and 3-4 visit from me) before she drifted off to sleep. When she is like this, she totally fits the Angel Baby description.

I was thinking that I would not let her go more than 2 hours for her naps today -- what are your thoughts on that? Usually when she has her nap in the morning, she naps well for the rest of the day, too. I am hoping that we are back on track now and can stay on track!

Update: So, the morning nap went well. She woke up after 2.5 hours which is right when I was going to get her up. After she woke, here's what happened:

1:30 E > 3.5oz
2:00 A > 10 min on her back, me with rattle, talking, etc (she coos a lot already and likes to 'talk'). I got lots of tired signals right away (rubbings ears, yawning) so that's why we didn't play longer. In fact, she seemed like she wanted to go directly to sleep from the 1:30 feed, but I tried to keep her up just a bit.
2:15 S > once swaddled and in bed, she was pretty fussy and didn't go down in her normal time. I checked her diaper, wet, changed it. Still fussy after that. Her cries seemed intense so I let her finish her bottle. She went right to sleep then.
2:45 S > woke up again at 3:00, cries seemed a bit intense
3:00 E > 1oz I think she could have eaten more, but I didn't want to get her too far off her sleep schedule and she was falling asleep on the bottle, so I put her back down.
3:15 S > fingers crossed that she is off to dreamland this time

[Jiinx]

hi there,
 Have you taken a look at this? It'll give you a rough idea about what you're looking for:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164027.0

At this age, they roughly need 6 hours of sleep and 12 hours of night sleep with one df and one night feed.
 It's a good idea to think of the day split into half: 12 hours for the day, and 12 hours for the night. Also, what time do you want your day to start? From the looks of it, your lo seems to prefer waking up at 9:30 in the morning? Then she would need to go to sleep by 9:30pm or 10.

Please, also, take a look at this:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164034.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=68057.0

they're not long reads and it'll give you a better idea of how to start

Eating
A baby that young can go 1.5-2 hours between feeds usually during the day.

Activity
Their activity, from when their eyes open from a nap to when their eyes close for a nap, is roughly around 1 hour to 1 hr and 15mins.
So on days you mentioned things are wonky ..it may just mean she's not getting enough or maybe too much activity. too much activity and too little activity can lead to nighttime wakings as one correlates to being overtiredness from the day and the other correlates to them sleeping too much and wanting to party at night make sense?

Sleeping
you asked if she should be woken up at 2 hours. I think that's a good idea. She would need to be fed as too little calories being taken in during the day could also lead to nightwakings.
Good job at being in tune with sleep signals. Sounds like you know the right amount of time it takes for her to go off to dreamland! Have you seen this?

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64277.0

It helps them ease into sleep. Remember, props like a vibrating chair or rocking etc. can lead to a dependency that will much harder to break as they get older!

I hope that gives you some idea of how to start? EASY doesn't have to be an hour by hour schedule. It's more a routine and it's watching your baby rather than a clock. EASY gives them the predictability of what's going to happen next!

Please reply with any questions or clarifications! We're all here to help.

[cecilia2010]

Thank you! I will review all this and get back to you... in particular, I think I need to do a better wind-down with her... I think I am going to abruptly from her yawns/ear rubbing to the crib... it makes so much sense too, I am the same way! I have my little rituals for going to sleep and it makes falling asleep so much easier when I do them. Why should it be any different for a baby?

FYI, the 3:15 nap had one more wakeup at 3:30pm, but she's been sleeping ever since. And yes, I always feed her when she wakes up from her naps. She is almost like clockwork, it is amazing. But I will be sure to not let her sleep more than 2 hours for her naps during the day.

I wish Tracy Hogg were still alive today so that I could write her a note. The knowledge she has shared is really wonderful. This board is fantastic too, thanks so much for responding...! I'll update you once I've had a chance to review and let you know how the rest of today/tonight went.

Take care!

[Jiinx]

 

you're doing excellent, mommy. Good luck tomorrow and sleepy vibes for tonight.

[cecilia2010]

Hi... still haven't reviewed everything yet, but have read a lot of it. Here's what seems to be going on after a few days:

She's on a schedule where she get to bed around 9:00/10:00. It's fairly easy to get her to sleep at night, usually can do it within 1/2 hour, especially if she's had a bath (we give her one every other night, too exhausting right now to give one every night and at 8 weeks, not sure she needs it.)

Once asleep, she sleeps very well. She generally goes for 3-4 hours in the first stretch, will have one night feed and will then sleep through the night (5 hours from the night feed.) She's pretty consistent with this, even the times vary a bit. Last night, for instance, we gave her a bath, a bottle and had her in bed by 9:00pm. She slept until 12:45. We fed her, she went back to sleep after a little fussing. This is a bit unusual, may have had something to do with my the fact that my husband fed her. Often, when he takes over, things seem to go wonky, I don't really know why - and it's making me blame him too much, which is not good for our marriage...!! Anyway, I took the reins back and got her to sleep pretty quickly and she slept until 5:15am. I fed her, and she went right back to sleep. She woke up at 7:30am, we fed her again. This time, getting her back to sleep was difficult again. Husband fed her and tried to put her back in crib, didn't work. I finally got her to sleep by wrapping her in a blanket and having her sleep next to us in bed. I sometimes do this in the morning. (Not sure if that is a bad habit to start, so far doesn't seem to prevent her from sleeping in her crib.)

She slept from 8:30 to 9:30 when I think my husband jumping back in bed (!) woke her up. He says no, but I think otherwise...

At that point, I decided it was time to start her day to hopefully 'restart' her and get her back on track for today. So I got her up, fed her, played a bit on her playmat. She started to rub her ears and squirm pretty quickly (within 15 minutes), so I thought, okay, I should put her to bed. I swaddled her and when I tried to do the wind down, she started crying pretty intensely. I changed her diaper, kept trying to put her down, and the cries got more and more intense to the point where she was starting to have a meltdown. I generally avoid letting her get to that point, and she usually only does that when she is exhausted. But I am puzzled as to why she is exhausted after a good night's sleep plus fairly good naps yesterday? Her naps yesterday were 1x1.75, 1x2, 1x1, 1x.75, btw.

Finally at 10:45am, I put her in her bouncy chair on our bed (room still darkened for nap-time), and gently rocked her to sleep. Took about 20 minutes, which is her usual time to fall asleep. I was then able to put her back in her crib, where she is sleeping now.

In retrospect, it seems like she didn't get enough sleep this morning, and that made her very cranky. Or something did. And I can't figure out what.

The other thing is that if I look at her logs... she has consistently gone down for a nap at 11:00am-ish in the last 4 days and that is her longest nap (was 2 hours before, seems to be shortening to 1/1.5 hours or so.) So clearly she likes sleeping at that time. Am I doing something wrong in the morning...? Should I let her be up longer? That doesn't seem to make sense as she was starting to get fussy while we were playing at 9:30? And she was rubbing her ears a lot once I tried to put her down, which generally means 'I'm really tired.' So I am confused. Again. LOL

Another thing I am wondering about: I had her via C-section. I was overdue and my OB finally induced me at 41+3days. By the time she got here (2 days trying to induce/labor), she was almost 42 weeks. Tomorrow is 8 weeks from her birthdate (12/21) if I count her as a 'regular' baby... but should I be adding 2 weeks to that? Do I really have a 10 week old baby in terms of development...?

While I'm at it, one more question: some days this method seems to work great... and then we have difficult spots. A few days have gone like clockwork, but others have had at least one difficult moment. I guess I prefer them in the morning rather than evening which is what seems to be happening now. And one great thing about this method is that she is definitely much easier to get to sleep at night now, as well as sleeping through the night. So I really like it... but sometimes I feel like I never get a chance to hold her? This is where the AP style seems to have an advantage. I guess I could hold her during her activity times. But I find it hard to hold her when she's active on her way to being squirmy. I find it stressful, I think. I wish so much there was a time when I could hold her when she is calm and we could just enjoy that time together. That's why I let her sleep with us in the mornings sometimes... it's so nice to be next to her when she is calm. I do get that with her after feedings most days... I guess I just want more of it.

Thanks so much if you have time to respond again. I really appreciate your input. I just ordered Tracy's other book (TBWSAYP), so maybe I will find some answers there too.

Update: Today has been pretty messy. The 11am nap last 1 hour. She's been very fussy, crying since just now when I fed her 1.5oz and she fell asleep in my arms. Got her into her crib, fingers are crossed. Oh, and the other thing? She seems to HATE her wind down today whereas the past few days that seemed to really help. If I start singing the usual song or sitting where I usually do with her when I start the wind down, she starts to cry. WTF? Where did my Angel Baby go?

[Jiinx]

Hi there,
 *hugs* seems like you're going through a rough patch..

Often, when he takes over, things seem to go wonky, I don't really know why - and it's making me blame him too much, which is not good for our marriage...!!

It's hard when our los are crying! They're crying and we can't obviously get frustrated with them, so our spouses are the other outlet! I get frustrated with my dh often..we're both first time parents and I know he's doing his best, but sometimes I get a little stressed out. Any chance you guys can have some time together? recharge?

I finally got her to sleep by wrapping her in a blanket and having her sleep next to us in bed. I sometimes do this in the morning. (Not sure if that is a bad habit to start, so far doesn't seem to prevent her from sleeping in her crib.)

It is, and I'll tell you why. Babies are so smart. They may start out in the crib..but if they know they can wake up early in the morning and snuggle between mom and dad, then they will Who wants a crib when they can get body heat and mommy and daddy's smell?? If you want, you could camp out in her room in the mornings until it's sorted out? Once in awhile it's okay but as they get older, they'll retain much more in their memories

She started to rub her ears and squirm pretty quickly (within 15 minutes),

Does she always do this? Not pulling correct? As that would indicate an ear infection perhaps.

generally avoid letting her get to that point, and she usually only does that when she is exhausted. But I am puzzled as to why she is exhausted after a good night's sleep plus fairly good naps yesterday? Her naps yesterday were 1x1.75, 1x2, 1x1, 1x.75, btw.

hmm..if she's not in pain..then was she up for long on those night wakings? Perhaps she was a bit OT from the night.
Also, I'm not sure how long she was up for in the morning? Could you post your EASY with the NWs and your day?

That doesn't seem to make sense as she was starting to get fussy while we were playing at 9:30? And she was rubbing her ears a lot once I tried to put her down, which generally means 'I'm really tired.' So I am confused. Again. LOL

Okay, wait ..now I'm confused! Did you mean 10:30? I think she may have been OT, to tell you the truth. The rubbing ears bit is really standing out. However, if that's a normal "I'm sleepy" cue then I feel better about it

Another thing I am wondering about: I had her via C-section. I was overdue and my OB finally induced me at 41+3days. By the time she got here (2 days trying to induce/labor), she was almost 42 weeks. Tomorrow is 8 weeks from her birthdate (12/21) if I count her as a 'regular' baby... but should I be adding 2 weeks to that? Do I really have a 10 week old baby in terms of development...?

Oh, gawsh that I don't know. I had mine at 38 weeks and I find she's 2 weeks behind on the "norm", so maybe, yes, she might be two weeks ahead. Are you asking bc of your concerns with sleeping or just in general knowledge? I think the answer is "no" but you could ask your paed if she's ahead two weeks. Or post another thread and ask other mommies?

While I'm at it, one more question: some days this method seems to work great... and then we have difficult spots. A few days have gone like clockwork, but others have had at least one difficult moment.

I didn't mean to smile, but that made line made me chuckle. If babies were programmed to be like clockwork..man, life would be so easy (no pun, intended!). Honestly, babies are just like us. We wake up some mornings and we want to "sleep in" a few more minutes. Or maybe we don't want to read the morning newspaper and we'd rather watch TV, yk? EASY is just about routine and reading her cues to the best of your abilities. Please go easy on yourself as you're sounding like you're getting frustrated. If she's OT one day, some APOP is okay to get her back on track. Remember, you're there to teach her the tools to sleep and provide a routine that will have her anticipate what will come next. She'll have meltdowns and NWs on some days but you'll back on track and meltdowns at night are common...my lo has her "witching hour" between 5-6pm and if she's not in bed or something's in her way..watch out, she'll scream the house down. :S

find it stressful, I think. I wish so much there was a time when I could hold her when she is calm and we could just enjoy that time together. That's why I let her sleep with us in the mornings sometimes... it's so nice to be next to her when she is calm. I do get that with her after feedings most days... I guess I just want more of it.

Please enjoy your baby!!! EASY is not meant to deprive you of your bonding time. When you do your winddown..put an extra cuddle (or two! or three!)..dance with her..sing to her...it's your time before she sleeps to really connect with her. And of course, you have her A time and E times. Modify EASY to suit you and your dh and your baby.

So take a deep breath and reeellaaax...you're doing amazing and you're a great mother!

*hugs*

hope that helps..

[cecilia2010]

 *hugs* seems like you're going through a rough patch..
**thanks and yes, today is not going well... I know I am expecting too much for an 8 week old baby to not be challenging... but I guess I just did not have any idea being new parents (we are too) would be this hard. I just had no idea, in spite of all the books I read, etc. Somehow when I read 'it's hard', I didn't take it to heart. I didn't think it would be hard for me, maybe because my mom had 8 children, I babysat a lot as a child... I don't know but this is way harder than I ever thought it would be. And I get panicky feelings that it won't get easier and will only get worse! And I have an Angel baby (I think?), to boot!

I don't have any local family. My mother would be awesome but she is 85 and on the other side of the country... No family here and no friends who can really step in a childcare providers. So I get virtually no breaks. I am getting over bronchitis to boot. Some moments (like right now!) I just sit here with tears spilling out of my eyes and I feel like it's too much. Then she'll go back to being an Angel baby and I have time to talk to my mother on the phone and I think I can handle it again.

Please tell me it will get easier....?!?!?!?! And I feel so guilty saying that. I have Angel baby, for goodness sake! I feel like a wimp and a lousy mother to boot.

Okay, vent over, let's get back to what is going on

Quote from: cecilia2010 on Today at 12:03:30 PM
Often, when he takes over, things seem to go wonky, I don't really know why - and it's making me blame him too much, which is not good for our marriage...!!

It's hard when our los are crying! They're crying and we can't obviously get frustrated with them, so our spouses are the other outlet! I get frustrated with my dh often..we're both first time parents and I know he's doing his best, but sometimes I get a little stressed out. Any chance you guys can have some time together? recharge?
**yes, I get very frustrated with him... I tell what he needs to watch out for, do, etc. and he seems clueless or forgets it all... and I think from his perspective, he's doing tons. I am SAHM right now, he works full-time. My mother says I am lucky  to get any help from him at all, my dad certainly never gave her a ounce of help (married in the 40s, older generation.) To make things worse, I think all of this is making him think he doesn't want a 2nd child and that is going to break my heart. Although I wonder how the hell I would make it through THAT if this is so hard already...?

Quote from: cecilia2010 on Today at 12:03:30 PM
I finally got her to sleep by wrapping her in a blanket and having her sleep next to us in bed. I sometimes do this in the morning. (Not sure if that is a bad habit to start, so far doesn't seem to prevent her from sleeping in her crib.)

It is, and I'll tell you why. Babies are so smart. They may start out in the crib..but if they know they can wake up early in the morning and snuggle between mom and dad, then they will Wink Who wants a crib when they can get body heat and mommy and daddy's smell?? If you want, you could camp out in her room in the mornings until it's sorted out? Once in awhile it's okay but as they get older, they'll retain much more in their memories Smiley
**I get how smart they are, believe me. It's almost like she is 2nd guessing me, or I have to keep outsmarting her in terms of finding out how to get her to sleep on days when she is a mess like today. I tried all my 'tricks' today... the thing that finally worked was a bit more formula and she finally conked out. FYI, to make our situation more difficult, her crib is in our room and until we can get some furniture moved around (in all of our plentiful spare time!!) it's going to have to stay that way. I only use the 'sleep in our bed' technique when getting her to go into her crib seems like it's going to be impossible. I am getting so I can tell which days she is going to be an Angel baby and which days she is going to be a Devil baby - kidding! Maybe she is a Touchy baby on her off days...?

Quote from: cecilia2010 on Today at 12:03:30 PM
She started to rub her ears and squirm pretty quickly (within 15 minutes),
Does she always do this? Not pulling correct? As that would indicate an ear infection perhaps.
**I asked her pediatrician about this and she said no. Now you are making me wonder. She started really pulling at her ears more than usual two days after we started giving her a bath every night. We stopped that and went to e/o night for baths (not enough energy.) And yes, ear rubbing seems to be a tired sign, or at least I thought it was. But I am worried now... she also scratches at the back of her head. If she had an ear infection, wouldn't she be rubbing them all the time? Not just when she is tired? And wouldn't she have a fever? I actually took her temp the other day just to be sure, it was 99.1F which I understand to be okay...?


Quote from: cecilia2010 on Today at 12:03:30 PM
generally avoid letting her get to that point, and she usually only does that when she is exhausted. But I am puzzled as to why she is exhausted after a good night's sleep plus fairly good naps yesterday? Her naps yesterday were 1x1.75, 1x2, 1x1, 1x.75, btw.

hmm..if she's not in pain..then was she up for long on those night wakings? Perhaps she was a bit OT from the night.
**No, she was only up briefly after the feeding at 12:45. I was able to get her back to sleep pretty easily. Then she slept for about 4.5 hours.
Also, I'm not sure how long she was up for in the morning? Could you post your EASY with the NWs and your day?
**she wasn't having NWs... the figures above were her naps during the day. Her EASY yesterday was (starting in evening of 2/4):

Bedtime: 10:00pm, slept until 2:30a
E 2:45a
S 3:00a - 7:30a
E 7:30a
S 8:00a - 9:45a
E 10:00
A singing, talking
S 10:30 - 12:30
E 12:45
A swing, talking
S 1:45 - 2:45
E 2:45
A playmat
S 4:00 - 4:45
E 5:00
A swing, talking
S couldn't get to sleep at this time, seemed a bit fussy
E 6:30
A swing, talking
Bath 8:15
E 8:45
S 9:00 - 12:45a

Quote from: cecilia2010 on Today at 12:03:30 PM
That doesn't seem to make sense as she was starting to get fussy while we were playing at 9:30? And she was rubbing her ears a lot once I tried to put her down, which generally means 'I'm really tired.' So I am confused. Again. LOL

Okay, wait ..now I'm confused! Did you mean 10:30? I think she may have been OT, to tell you the truth. The rubbing ears bit is really standing out. However, if that's a normal "I'm sleepy" cue then I feel better about it Smiley
**yes, usually she rubs her ears first, then starts yawning... although I really am worried now that she has an ear infection. The pediatrician said she wasn't worried about her getting water in her ears at this age. I wasn't sick at that point, didn't come down with bronchitis until after that appointment, but I'm worried now

Quote from: cecilia2010 on Today at 12:03:30 PM
Another thing I am wondering about: I had her via C-section. I was overdue and my OB finally induced me at 41+3days. By the time she got here (2 days trying to induce/labor), she was almost 42 weeks. Tomorrow is 8 weeks from her birthdate (12/21) if I count her as a 'regular' baby... but should I be adding 2 weeks to that? Do I really have a 10 week old baby in terms of development...?

Oh, gawsh that I don't know. I had mine at 38 weeks and I find she's 2 weeks behind on the "norm", so maybe, yes, she might be two weeks ahead. Are you asking bc of your concerns with sleeping or just in general knowledge? I think the answer is "no" but you could ask your paed if she's ahead two weeks. Or post another thread and ask other mommies?
**I'm asking because I found something Tracy Hogg had written about calculating a baby's age if they were preemies... maybe it doesn't apply to late term babies.

Quote from: cecilia2010 on Today at 12:03:30 PM
While I'm at it, one more question: some days this method seems to work great... and then we have difficult spots. A few days have gone like clockwork, but others have had at least one difficult moment.
I didn't mean to smile, but that made line made me chuckle. If babies were programmed to be like clockwork..man, life would be so easy (no pun, intended!). Honestly, babies are just like us. We wake up some mornings and we want to "sleep in" a few more minutes. Or maybe we don't want to read the morning newspaper and we'd rather watch TV, yk? EASY is just about routine and reading her cues to the best of your abilities. Please go easy on yourself as you're sounding like you're getting frustrated. If she's OT one day, some APOP is okay to get her back on track. Remember, you're there to teach her the tools to sleep and provide a routine that will have her anticipate what will come next. She'll have meltdowns and NWs on some days but you'll back on track Smiley and meltdowns at night are common...my lo has her "witching hour" between 5-6pm and if she's not in bed or something's in her way..watch out, she'll scream the house down. :S
**well, it's good to know I do not suffer alone... haha...

my biggest dilemma right now is that I can't get breaks from this... my husband doesn't have the time (and possibly the skills!) to learn this technique. I am considering child care but I realized this morning that bringing someone in who may or may not know how to do EASY could be disastrous... on the other hand, I am exhausted physically and emotionally... and I feel like I have no escape... on days when she only does an hour nap like this morning, it is really painful... I get small chunks of sleep at night and I'm supposed to be getting over bronchitis... I am scared I'm going to wind up with pneumonia!

*totally venting to you, I appreciate you listening, if you still are...!*

so I feel stuck... I can't really get much help from my husband (the most he can seem to do is feed her and occasionally at night he can get her back to her crib, but if she is having a bad day, seems like he can easily set her off)... I am reluctant to hire someone to help out... I have no family around to help out, and no friends who are good candidates... I just don't know what to do other than to just get through this and hope it will get better.

I am sad because I really wanted a 2nd child... and am wondering now if that is even realistic. I am an older mother, and I may run out of time. And I am mad at myself for thinking so far ahead and not being here, present 100% for my daughter, but I can't help but think ahead.

Quote from: cecilia2010 on Today at 12:03:30 PM
find it stressful, I think. I wish so much there was a time when I could hold her when she is calm and we could just enjoy that time together. That's why I let her sleep with us in the mornings sometimes... it's so nice to be next to her when she is calm. I do get that with her after feedings most days... I guess I just want more of it.

Please enjoy your baby!!! EASY is not meant to deprive you of your bonding time. When you do your winddown..put an extra cuddle (or two! or three!)..dance with her..sing to her...it's your time before she sleeps to really connect with her. And of course, you have her A time and E times. Modify EASY to suit you and your dh and your baby.
**I do enjoy her when I am not feeling exhausted. She is so beautiful and amazing... she always makes me smile, even when I am really tired. It sort of hurt my feelings today that she seemed to hate her wind down. I really can't figure that out.

Thanks again for your input. Much appreciated. I think I will call my pediatrician just to be sure tomorrow.

[First Time Mom]

Hi cecilia2010 and (((hugs))), it will get better! First you are getting great advice already as you are in great hands and if you tackle one step at a time it will be manageable. I just wanted to add a few thoughts.
In terms of the ear rubbing, my ds does this, he rubs/grabs his ears, scatches the back of his head near his ears, and then rubs his nose and eyes. When he does this it is a sign that he is way overtired, beyond belief! Some los have a very small window of opportunity for getting down to sleep- if you wait even 5-10 minutes they get OT so I would perhaps try putting your lo down slightly earlier and not wait for the "tired signs". Now that my ds is almost 6 months he can wait longer, but at 8 weeks of age, forget it, there was no waiting!

Not sure how long your wind down time is but I would suggest keeping it really short. At that age my ds couldn't handle the wind down time. We couldn't do bath, it got him too excited so bath was always in the morning during his first wake up time. His wind down time consisted of going into the room, diming the lights, doing a feed in the dim room, changing his diaper and pj's and that was it!

I do think your A times are perhaps too long, my ds couldn't go that long at that age. Also I found that the A times started out short and got longer throughout the day (but still were not as long as your lo's). I would also try an earlier bedtime. My ds went to bed (was asleep) for 6pm up until he hit 5 months of age. Now that might be too early for some, my dd at that age had bed at 7, regardless, I think I would go for an earlier bedtime.

I don't think there is a "corrected" age for los that are born past their due date. Due date is an estimated date of when the doctors think they are ready for birth, not usually a correct guess, so unless a baby is a premature, the "correct" age is their actual birthdate.

If you are feeling stressed take one day at a time, don't look at the clock but try to follow a "pattern" of wake up, eat, activity, sleep. This way, if you don't stare at a clock it makes you watch and learn the cues and a pattern instead of trying to follow a clock.

(((Hugs))) on the lack of help, I was in this situation, my parents are older and don't live in my city, dh is busy with work and travels, sis lives nearby but is useless LOL. Are there any parenting baby/toddler centers near you? Check with your local hospital. They might not be able to help but sometimes it is easier just to meet other moms and hear they are going through the same struggles. As for a 2nd lo, your lo was just born, you have lots of time to consider having a 2nd! I'm an "older" mom and 4 years ago when my dd was born I wanted a 2nd but only now, years later, did it "feel" right to have a 2nd.

[Jiinx]

Marian - thank you for that lovely response. I couldn't have said it better myself.

How are you feeling today, cecilia? I hope you're getting a chance to rest and enjoy your baby.
Did you get a chance to call your paed? If your daughter doesn't have a fever, then don't feel like she has an ear infection. Like Marian mentioned, it's a sleepy cue for her baby!

remember, your baby has only been in this world for 2 months. It's getting used to you, her surroundings, her body...it will iron out soon. She'll get older and you'll discover what makes her squeal and giggle. Right now it's more like "feed me" and "I'm tired", yk?

I agree with Marian. Could you find a support group in your town? Also, have you been to your family doctor? Could you use a supplement? I find as we get older, our hormones and nutrition starts to suffer. Perhaps it's worth investigating.

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164794.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164316.0

You can get through this.. keep us posted, hun.

[cecilia2010]

Hi FTM! Thanks so much for your input!

I was able to get some sleep last night, so feeling much better today!

As it turns out, she has a bit of a cold, so that could be what is making things 'off' right now. We had her checked at the pedi today; nothing serious. Her naps were better today, so I am hoping we are back on track.

I'm also going to be less attached to hours and schedules and things like that, I've decided. I really like the EASY method, but I think I need to be careful not to get too rigid about it. And as the other person who responded mentioned, not expect her to 'work like clockwork!'... I don't really, it's just that I was so tired and needed a break, I was enjoying those couple of days when I could almost rely on her nap times. I'm not sure that's doable yet though... I guess I should work towards regular times, but I don't know how to do that... any ideas...?

Thanks for responding!

Jlinx: thank you (again!) for the encouragement. I am actually taking lots of supplements right now - prenatals, calcium, probiotics, D3... I'm a very healthy person, normally. I think I caught the bronchitis from a workman who came to our house and was sneezing a lot. He knew I have a baby too, which just irks me...! I guess I could have caught it from anyone... annnnnnyway... as I told FTM, I got some sleep last night - yeah! As my dear mother told me on the phone today, 'you've got battle fatigue, honey'. She is so right. I wish so much she could come over, but she is far away. It just breaks my heart. We are trying to get her to visit soon (I'm kinda scared of flying with baby still), so maybe that will work out.

Ladies... how did you start EASY with your babies...? Meaning, at what time of day do you start? Do you just pick a time and go? Or do you follow baby's cue? I am worried now because she was sleeping through the night, but last night and the night before she didn't do the full 5-6 hours that she was doing... I'm wondering if something I did put her back to 3-4 hour windows...? She didn't eat very well last night, maybe that's what made her wake up a bit earlier than usual...?

Anyway, I think putting her to bed earlier at night is a good thing, and working. I just got her to sleep now (cheated, used the bouncy chair!) and it's 7:45p. Am hoping she'll stay down long enough for me to do a DF in a couple of hours. If she does what she did last night, she'll then go until 12:45p and won't wake up again until 4am. This is okay, but I'd like to get her back to the 5-6 hour stints she was doing.

It makes me question the EASY method to some extent, because before I tried it... she was sleeping through the night, at least some of the time. So I don't know if it's the little cold she has, or the change in schedule...?

I find all of this still somewhat confusing... trying to do EASY, trying to follow her leads, trying to get her on a schedule... I do believe that getting her on a schedule is the right thing, just not sure where/how to start it. Any input you have there would be appreciated. Thanks again!

Also, Jlinx, thanks for posting the link on PPD. I have been wondering if that is what is going on with me, but I don't think so. It's true I'm going through a lot right now (there's more that I haven't written about.) I was hit pretty hard with the baby blues, but I think it's more that I don't have a lot of support. After sleeping last night, I was able to cope very well today. My husband and I agreed we can't let me (or him) get to that point of fatigue again, so we're going to figure something out. I'm finding that having a baby brings on a whole new level of creativity... I am watching myself though, and if it gets worse and not better, I will definitely get help.

[Jiinx]

just wanted to drop off some hugs this morning and see how you're doing....

will be back later to respond as lo wants out from her high chair - stat!

*hugs*

[Jiinx]

I was able to get some sleep last night, so feeling much better today!

ah..sleep. It can make all our achies and ichies go away hehe

As it turns out, she has a bit of a cold, so that could be what is making things 'off' right now. We had her checked at the pedi today; nothing serious. Her naps were better today, so I am hoping we are back on track.

same here. my lo is so stuffy..not sure if her bad naps and random nws are due to her congestion.

I guess I should work towards regular times, but I don't know how to do that... any ideas...?

hmm you've been keeping a rough log in your mind or in paper? you're still new to EASY. I've forgotten what it was like (it's not like it's been so long lol) in those early months. I was blessed that she slept through the night and I could get her on an a routine. Growth spurts made things really hard. Plus she has (or had maybe hehe) acid reflux which made me worried and frantic as I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I think as long as you roughly keep to 1 and half hour activity and sleeping..you should be okay. Be conscious of overstimulation. It's so hard when they're tiny though bc they get tired, overtired and stumulated SO fast. You can barely see the line and you've already crossed it! haha

It makes me question the EASY method to some extent, because before I tried it... she was sleeping through the night, at least some of the time. So I don't know if it's the little cold she has, or the change in schedule...?

it's frustrating when EASY doesn't work at times but it's helped me in so many ways even if I don't have the 'perfect' night or naps...it's helped me decipher her cries and know when she's bored or hungry etc. I know you're tired of hearing "it gets easier" but it really does.

*hugs* I'm glad you've got some rest and that your dh and you have come to a resolution It's so important to have that line of communication open. A baby really challenges even the best of marriages in the first year...

[cecilia2010]

Hi Jlinx... yes, this baby has certainly been testing us. Much more than we thought. No one could have ever explained to us how difficult this is...and we've got a pretty easy baby, to boot! I keep telling my husband that.

I get that you don't need to get obsessive about the scheduling... I'll just try to put her back on track when she is feeling better. Also, I looked at my calendar... she is not 8 weeks, she is only 7 weeks as of yesterday (!) I think part of me wants her to grow faster so that we can get through this more difficult time... lol... but I know I will look back on these days and want to cherish the time we had when she was just a wee thing.

She is sleeping a lot today, and I figure just let her sleep if she's not feeling well... we'll worry about schedules and sleeping through the night later. I know she'll be fine once we're back on track.

Thanks for the support and I'll probably be back once it's time to give it go with her again.

Take care!