:'( upset!

[Julianne1984]

For those who don't know my story. LO has been EW (4-5am) for a whole year. It has taken all this time to finally, for the last week, having a 1.5h nap and 7pm bed, resulting in 6:00am plus wake-ups!! Woop!

We are going out tomorrow, and I thought OH knew how hard I've worked to get this far (he works all night/sleeps all day). But his Mum has arranged, totally bad times for us to be doing things tomorrow without checking first, and now phoned to tell us that LO "will just have to sleep on the way home at 6" errrrr, NO! He went along with it agreeing...!!! She wants us to be somewhere at 10:30am (so leave at 9am) ...

1. T will not sleep in the car unless unwell, and journeys get planned when he's sleeping otherwise he screams the whole way.

2. It will completely ruin all my work and he'll EW the next day... I know he will as he always does and its bad for days after.

For the sake of us leaving at 10:30/11am and T being able to sleep in the car until 12... and beingan hr or so late, what's the problem?? OH doesn't care and has just dismissed everything I have done on my own to get to this point. I've taken T upstairs as I can't be near my OH right now, he made me so upset I keep crying. I'm not willing to ruin it all just cos his Mum says jump.

Am I being stupid??? I don't think i am. xx

[Julianne1984]

Forgot to say me and OH had agreed ages ago to leave at 10:30/11 so LOcan sleep,come home at 5 so he can have dinner in car and won't scream all the way home. He spoke tohis mum on the phone and totally threw it all out the window without asking me first! He's wound me up so much!! need some female support please!xx

[momtonb&ab]

i think you have every right to be upset and i just wouldn't go.....or go on my time frankly.

everyone around us used to plan things without regard to our routine/schedule which was critical to our survival - especially when the kids were small.   i used to get so freakin' upset about it and then decided that this was my choice, my children.  so now we go on our time - i am always clear and polite in advance if we are going to be late - i don't like to be late and leave people waiting or hanging, but if a tiem doesn't work for me i say well in advance and if being late isn't an option we just skip it.  two overtired kids just doesn't work for me - i bet your MIL isn't coming home to get up at 4am with ds or ride in the car with him while he screams!! 

do what is best for you - and if your relationship with dh allows, be sure to remind him that  you did all this work and it is critical not to mess up ds's routine. 


hugs to you

[~ Vik ~]

Same here - I think you have every right to be upset and I either wouldn't go or I would go when it was convenient for us.

I'm very much like pp in that I always make it clear when we will be able to arrive to outings/events, how long we will be able to stay, etc.  Ds is very spirited and quite sensitive to OT/OS (even now at 16mo) and it is not worth it to me to mess with our routine as it takes several days to recover from one bad one.  I long ago decided that it just wasn't worth it!

i bet your MIL isn't coming home to get up at 4am with ds or ride in the car with him while he screams!!

I agree wholeheartedly!

(((hugs))) and good luck with whatever you decide

[Colin Macs Mom]

Julianne, I hope you will be telling them that they will be getting up with LO at 5.

[Julianne1984]

Thanks guys.

Well he called her last night. She was not impressed... "why can't he just sleep at 9 in the car?"... "Why can't he sleep in the evening?"... "Well how will he nap when he starts nursery?" ...she was not impressed that we are paying them for him to sleep! (her words!) I could hear her raised voice from the other side of the room!!

She then moaned that the kids will be bored of the indoor play area by the time we get there (aged 10, 5+5... I think they won't care!) Even though 2 days ago they played in one for 5hrs, yep!

She wants everything her way, its so damn regimental I can't bear it, she'll phone to check again when we're leaving, and again to see where we are.. My Mum would never do that to us, she's had 5 kids, 6 grandkids so far, so "gets" it all... arrrrgh!

I must say its not always this bad, maybe she's hormonal lol (better not suggest that one lol).

Well I better go get ready, I woke at 3am for the day as I was so stressed couldn't sleep fun eh... thanks again ladies xx

We then got "well I didn't know he had such a strict routine!" Umm... he's had 1 nap at lunch for 3months! (Last week she put him down for a nap at 9:30am!! (3hrs A! ) omg I'm going to crack.

I'm a chilled/calm person generally, but this last few days has pushed me towards the edge. Seriously. Ugh. Sorry to moan.

[shresmummy]

Hi, I totally understand why you would be upset. It takes us mums so many weeks, or months to get a routine that works and it really gets me agitated as well when my MIL sometimes doesn't get DD's routines.

Hope you make it through OK. keeping myfinges crossed for you.

[*Becky*]

I would feel exactly the same as you Julianne. You have worked so hard with DS sleep and only you know what this will mean. Stick to what you think - mums do know what is best for their lo's.
bx

[becky1969]

You get my support!  When you've had some awful sleeping, like EWs, the thought of going back there again ON PURPOSE -- meaning doing something you KNOW will bring it back -- is insane!

Do what you're going to do, and apologize later.  She can fume and moan all she wants, but she doesn't have to live in your house!  And men don't get it.  Even if they're there to SEE it, they still don't get it.  It took my DH until my son was 2 until he believed there was such a thing as "over tired".    WTH??? We had the POSTER CHILD for OT! LOL! 

Perhaps once you get there, you can be real apologetic and kindly to MIL and say "Gosh, I'm so sorry if we've made a mess of things.  But we're here now! Let's have fun!"  If she tries to engage you in talking about LOs routine, just say "Hmmm. Those are some things to think about.  I'll get back to you on that."    don't defend what you're doing, and don't try to convince her she'll wrong. It probably won't get you anywhere.  When you have a sensitive sleep kid, most people just don't understand. 

Good luck! Stick to your guns!

[louis-mummy]

Ugh 

My DP worships the ground his mum walks on, i totally respect that (and hope Louis feels the same about me in 40 years time  ) but as all pp's have said, youre the one dealing with the aftermath and its also not fair on T is it?

Becky is right, most people just don't get it.  I've gone home early from mum/tot get togethers, missed half of my cousin's wedding etc etc so that Louis can go to sleep when he needs to and it SUCKS, i'm sure most of us would only miss out on doing things if you really have to, youre not trying to be difficult!
 
I hope everyone's comments have helped you feel a bit more confident in your own (correct, imo) belief with this one

Hope T's back to 6am+ tomorrow!

[Julianne1984]

Thanks

It totally went wrong! He slept 25m in the car wtf

Then had 1hr at 2-3pm, bed at 8pm, woke at 5am again!with a really leaky nappy... couldn't get him back to sleep, so he's gone to his first settling in session with under 9hrs sleep yikes. He's GOING to have one nap at 11 today, bed at 7pm tonight whether it kills me! Lol.

OHs mum was grumpy as hell yesterday, shouting at the kids all day and being really bossy/moaning. We only stayed for 3hrs in the end, couldn't put up with it lol. Wasn't worth ruining T's routine well he did that himself!! xx

[becky1969]

Aw, honey.  Don't get too upset.  That's what kids do! LOL! I can't even count the times that my son would throw his routine out the window on the one day I really NEEDED him to sleep well!    It's just what they do.  Honestly? I think they can tell when *we're* stressed about something, and that's what throws them off.

Don't worry.  The years pass all too quickly, and in another year you'll have a whole different set of sleep problems.    There will be LOTS of opportunities for fun with family as the years go by, and things will only get easier.  Promise. 

[shresmummy]

I agree... I think they can TOTALLY tell when you absolutely need them to do the right thing and they go and do exactly the opposite. I swear, it works like a charm every single time!

I hope you get back on track without too much difficulty