Spirited Toddler-Major Big Boy Bed Issues!!

[rinsbaby2]

Hi all, I am just a visitor here and recently started practicing Tracy's techniques on my 5 month old. Things are going very well with that, but my 2 year old just started having issues. He has slept very well independently from about 7 months. Once in a while he would fuss at bedtime, but never for very long and always slept through the night. Well, then about a week ago, he started climbing out of his crib. At first I would go in, calmly put him in his crib and say it's bedtime and leave again. He would climb out again and I would put him back in, repeat SEVERAL times. Eventually he would stand there and cry and we wouldn't go to him unless he was out of his crib. (Mistake I think) I see now I should have done PD but I wasn't familiar with it until very recently and I didn't want to teach him to cry just to get us to come in. We decided to try transitioning into big boy bed since we couldn't keep him in his crib. Last night was the first night. Talked to him about it, let him pick out pillow/blanket, stuck to night time ritual although he didn't want us to read to him. So I rocked him a bit put on his lullaby music and told him it's time to lay down. He was very resistant so I tried not to push TOO hard but after a couple more minutes said it's time to lay down would you like me to lay down with you for a moment? He said yes, so I laid with him for a few minutes and then told him I would sit next to his bed until he fell asleep. He finally fell asleep after about 45 minutes and I left. He woke at 1:00 am crying very loudly. I went in, led him back to bed and tried to leave but he would come to the gate (his room is upstairs and our wooden stairs are VERY steep) crying for me. When I would start back he would run back to bed. He did this several times. I tried sitting next to his bed until he went back to sleep about 3 times and would wait until he seemed to be in a deep sleep, but the second I would head for the door he would get up and cry. Finally at 2:30, my 5 mo old woke and I had to go to him so I told my husband that he had to help. He went up, our son ran back to bed and my husband closed the door. He SAID he stayed in bed and did not cry after that but I'm not so sure. Can't really hear from my room. I am so confused, I don't want to leave him alone to cry but I can't sleep in his room because I have to tend to the baby. I don't think hubs would be willing to sleep on blow-up in there. I fear I've messed it all up and have NO idea how to handle this. Please help! ! Oh and I've asked if he wants to sleep in his crib and he keeps saying NO!

[becky1969]

Don't worry, love! You haven't messed it all up! It was his first night in a BBB.  That typically stinks! LOL!  Plus, y ou have a 5 month old.  That will often screw up older sib sleeping b/c of sibling rivalry etc.  The sibling rivalry often doesn't happen initially b/c big brother is enamored of the new person in his house plus is sort of hoping that baby will leave eventually! LOL! Around 3 months old is when the older sib typically starts to act up. 

So! What to do now:

*We don't do PU/PD with children over age 1.  Instead we use a technique called WI/WO (walk in/walk out).  With WI/WO you go in to soothe child when they full on cry (not just fuss or yell).  You soothe without taking them out of bed.  You can sit on the bed and hug if you want.  Then when child is calm, you leave.  Child may begin crying immediately, as soon as you stand up.  That's OK.  Continue to exit the room, and count to 5 before coming back.  Then soothe again.  The first day or two you try this, it may take 2 hours or more! But that's to be expected.  After that you will see immense improvement.  I realize you have an infant in the house.  But you're just going to have to steel yourself to having TWO kids up for a couple of nights in order to nip this problem in the bud.  Otherwise you're going to get caught up in some really annoying AP techniques that will be worse than a couple of sleepless nights! LOL!  If you want, start this on a weekend and enlist the help of friends or family to come over during the day so that you can take a nap and recharge.  I also encourage parents to wear an ipod while doing this with a nice book on tape so that you aren't as frustrated with what's happenign with the child.

Once child is calm and you leave, do NOT go back in unless they full out cry.  Fussing and yelling don't count. 


*I would discourage you from staying until he falls asleep.  He's been an independent sleeper and will be again.  Staying until he falls asleep just encourages this behavior.  Esp. when you've got a baby in the house. 

*I would encourage you to have DH help.  Tell him how WI/WO works, and then leave him to it! PLEASE stress to him that leaving the child to cry it out is NOT preferable.  That can lead to detrimental side effects like having a child fear his room etc.  In other words, it might work a night or two, or even a week, but it will eventually backfire and believe me it is really tough to sleep train a child once they've been through CIO, especially an older child.

The advantage of having DH do WI/WO with toddler is that it eliminates the competition for YOU that he has with sib.  Since you probably feed baby the most (or all the time if BF!), toddler is going to want to fight for your attention.  If DH does the sleep training, then DS1 doesn't have to try to compete for your attention at all.  A lot of moms have had great success with DH doing WI/WO b/c LO doesn't try to pull on daddy's heartstrings as much, LOL!


*No parents sleeping in child's room! Again, that will lead to a really bad habit that will be hard to break.


Hope that makes sense! Let me know how it goes or if you have quesitons.

[rinsbaby2]

Thank you so much. We are trying to stick to your suggestions as much as possible. The problem comes in when the baby wakes up..my husband is trying to help out but he just doesn't have as much patience as me. After I've led him back to bed a hundred times, hubs will let more time laps before going back in than I do. It's been pretty much continuous crying until he's so exhausted he can't do anything but go to sleep. He's starting to get it though and tonight finally went and got in bed with a few more minutes of crying. I do feel like at this point he is crying just to get me to come back. Maybe I'm wrong? I think we're on the right track though. My 5 month old is a tough nut to crack too!! Man I can't wait until we are through this.

[becky1969]

((((hugs)))) sweetheart!!! That has GOT to be tough with a 5 month old on top of toddler antics!

But it does sound like things are going in the right direction.  Stick to your guns and he'll get it!  Toddlers thrive with rules, so you just need to show him what the rules are.  Unfortunately they have the memories of elephant, so slip once and he'll think THAT'S the new rule!    Hopefully another few days and toddler will be taken care of and then you can focus on 5 month old sleep issues, LOL!

[rinsbaby2]

Good news! Last night, on his 2nd birthday, Levi went down in his BBB with NO crying!!! Slept through the night and woke at 7! We lavished him with praise this morning. He seems to do better when daddy puts him down, Tracy says because he doesn't feel like he needs to compete for him like he does for me, because of the baby. I'm jumping for joy! No for the little one..last night woke twice before 11 and went right back to sleep both times. DF at 11:30, woke at 1:30 and back to sleep with a little patting. DF at 4:00 and woke at 5:30 but back to sleep with some patting. Never had to pick him up! I am SO hopefal and cannot wait until we are all on track! Thanks again!

[becky1969]

Fantastic news!