how to find a playgroup

[kimbo613]

I have noticed recently when playing at the park that DS gets kind of anxious and clingy if there are other kids there.  He doesn't have much exposure to other kids and I would love to have a regular playgroup.  The only "playgroup" we go to is MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers) at a nearby church.  It's really a mother's group with childcare.  I take him to the nursery and stay with him, since he isn't used to any kind of nursery situation either.  It's only twice a month, though, and I have to leave early anyway because of his nap time.

So, how do you go about finding a playgroup?  We live in a pretty small town and I have very few connections to other moms with toddlers.

[Mum-of-Two]

Hi Kim -- I'd start with your connections and the library.  Storytime is agreat way to meet other Moms.  He's little yet so I wouldn't worry about having to stay with him.  I stayed with my DD until she was 3 and went off to preschool.    She had horrible anxiety around children her own age too but is adjusting well, slower than other social kids, but doing well.

[kimbo613]

I am definitely staying with him in the nursery.  I got lots of encouragement from the workers today to "just leave him, he'll be fine", despite the fact that he would whimper whenever I moved like I was going to get up, and burst into tears when another child cried.  I don't think crying for me the whole time = fine

The weird thing about DS is that he was very social up until very recently, like the last week or two.  Not sure what changed?  I figure it will pass, but I still want him to get some social interaction

The moms of toddlers I know have 2-3 year olds, which is fine I guess.  My best friend's LO likes playing with DS cause he doesn't cry when she take his toys   But the others I'm not that close to.  I just feel a little strange initiating a playgroup, ykwim?

[nona]

i'm confused...you stay with your child during MOPS? you don't attend the meeting? my LO used to cry when i dropped him off (anywhere) but now he is perfectly happy when i pick him up. when i started taking him to the gym (around your LO's age), i only left him in childcare for 10 min for a few days and then i slowly increased the time over a couple of weeks. he would cry and they would tear him off of me but it was a short time and i quickly came back. then we would cry when i would drop off but always happy when i picked him up. i think it is more important they are happy when you come back. it did not take long at all until he was perfectly happy when i dropped him off. now he begs me to take him to they gym and to preschool! most all kids cry when you drop them (in the beginning) off b/c of course they want to be with you 24/7!

also, if he does cry the whole time, they should get you at some point. i mean i would expect to be called if it has been 15 minutes and my kid is still hysterical but MOST kids settle down and end up having a good time. the more you do it, the easier it will be for both of you.

at my MOPS group (there is 80 members), our table gets together during the month where the kids hang out either at someone's house or we meet somewhere like the park, etc.

Meetup.com has TONS of mom's groups (playgroups) on it. Also, have you heard of Mom's Club? It is more of a neighborhood thing but they have playgroups. I"ve been involved with all of these. 

Babytime at libraries is great though too.

[mum101]

Your local community centre or churches might have signs up for playgroups. Here in Aust there is an official playgroup website, and you can search all playgroups in your area. Library is fun too, but I've rarely met someone there, the friends I've made are from a pram walking group at the local community centre, and the playgroup I found. 

[kimbo613]

Thanks for the great info ladies.  Have to check that stuff out.

Yeah, I stay with him at MOPS.  I don't go to the meetings.  Actually because of nap timing and sickness, we've only been three times this school-year so far.  I went to the meetings when he was tiny, but haven't been yet since.  I am just so hesitant to leave him in the nursery because it isn't familiar to him yet.  I was hoping to go more often and have him get used to the ladies who are there so that I could feel confident about leaving him and actually have a good time during MOPS   I've never left him with anyone but my mom, mostly because we can't afford a babysitter   We don't have a nursery at church, so the only exposure to a nursery setting is the 4 hours/month for MOPS.  Am I being crazy?  Maybe I should leave him next time?

[nona]

do you want me to be brutally honest? YES, you are crazy!  LOL. 

IMO, the sooner you do it, the better for him and for you. i wish i had started sooner. he will have so much fun w/ all the other kids. our nursery workers are wonderful at our MOPS meeting.

i just love MOPS and get so much out of the meetings. AND i'm sure you will get a playgroup our of it! as i mentioned, our MOPS meets outside of the meeting 1-2x a month.

the WORST that will happen is that he will not stop crying and they will call you to get him. they wont let him cry that much and you can tell them to call/get you after 10,15, 20 min if he is not settled.

i was very anxious about leaving DS as well but it gets easier for both of you.

[Mum-of-Two]

LOL, now I don't have any idea what MOPS is but as noted, I never left my daughter alone until she was 3.  She had horrible anxiety with peers her own age, she actually preferred kids a few years older.  I think it was because the older kids were more predictable.  You do what you feel is right for your son.  I agree, a few minutes of crying is nothing to worry about, no scarring for life there or anything.  But my daughter was much more sensitive then that, still is.

[nona]

i agree w/ PP. all kids are different. if it made my DS sick, of course i wouldn't torture him! i knew mine woudl be ok. like i mentioned, when i started at the gym, i only left him like 10 min at a time for a few days and then gradually increased the time. 

[teilvnav]

Story time at the library has become our play group. We go with a friend and her 2 year old DD. It is for half an hour once a week; after we do stories and songs they can do a craft and play a bit. My friend and I stay for about an hour playing with the other LO's, and DS has become very flirty with both my friend and the children's librarian! He stuck by me like GLUE at first, but will now crawl around and pat the other kids or sit with them. He is usually the youngest one there, and they all call him "our library baby".

We have not been successful with our church nursery; I am usually called back after 5-10 minutes because he is hysterical. I am hoping that he will get used to it with time...

[mum101]

In all honesty at his age, and when he only goes 2 times a month, he won't get used to the people or the surroundings.  You can confidently give it a try, give him a wave and a kiss and say see-ya later (never sneak out) and check in in 10 minutes, see if he forgets and enjoys his play or if he is unsettled.  If he's still really unsettled for most the nursery time, it's not really worth it. 

But my DS did the same at a similar age at the gym creche.  He'd only go for 1.5 hours once a week and I'd peek in the door after a half hour to see him winding up. He would see me leave and be so happy exploring, but didn't realise that it would be a long time before I came back, and he wasn't used to the carer (as lovely as she was) even with DD there with him. 

The way to get through that is more constant exposure, as in going to day care for 3 sessions a week for a month and then you'll see he'll adjust and be used to the experience and the bond with other adults. 

Kids at our day care who only go once a week, can often be the most unsettled, at a range of ages. 

[kimbo613]

Well, I think I will give it a go and see how he does without me.  Maybe he is just clingy because I am there.  And it's true a few minutes of crying won't kill him.

Amy, your library storytime sounds way cool.  Ours is only the half hour, and it's geared to older/preschool kids.  There's actually a preschool down the street that walks their kids down for an outing.  DS liked it the time we went, but it's at 10:30 which is kind of tight to get home and lunch and ready for nap on time.  Hoping to go again in a few months

[teilvnav]

We really lucked out, because the only other good one that I could find was a 20 minute bus ride away. I couldn't see doing that when the library is only about a 10 minute walk from our house. They run two groups; on Wednesdays it is aimed at 0-3 years, and on Thursdays it is just for babies 0-18 months. We go to the one on Wednesdays because we want to go with my friend, but I would love to try out the baby one. You are right about the timing, though. It is at 10:30, which is right during Nathan's nap. I guess they can never make it the perfect time for everybody, but it makes it hard.

[kimbo613]

Well, I managed to leave him in the nursery, but he only stayed there because grandma stayed with him.  My mom does some work with the childcare and she went to check on him for me and he was absolutely hysterical.  They really didn't want to call me (even though I told them 'please do') but they couldn't calm him down.  Kind of what I expected, but we'll try again next time.  If worse comes to worse, I'll just stay with him.  It's really more important to me for him to have the social time than for me to be able to go to the meeting.

On a positive note, though, I recognized a mom there who has a little boy a few months older than DS.  We have a playdate tomorrow.  Yay!

[mum101]

I love playdates!  Such good fun.
I agree, it's not worth his upset for an hour or so every few weeks.