i need some support!

[LucySol]

Hey!!!

so,im back again with yet another post on EW.my chronic EWer is getting worse.its not just the waking early its the huge battle im having.it ends up with both of us crying and my poor DH having to literally hold onto me to stop me just giving in and getting her up!!

Enough is enough.After 12 months,possibly more, of stupid wake ups im getting tough because i cant take it anymore,i have to do something.Daisy isnt getting the sleep she needs,my ds's sleep is disturbed because of her and its now causing problems with my dh.

i KNOW this is a battle of wills,cos no matter how much routine tweaking i do it doesnt get any better.its like she doesnt get she should turn over and go back to sleep,she is awake and wants up and will scream till she gets it.She wakes up and immeidiately shouts for me.she then starts to scream,she has never been a child to chat to herself for a while,once she is awake we know about it!

so,yesterday i decided she was not getting up till at least 6am and i would do wiwo untill then.i have got some fairy lights on a timer to try and get her to understand that when the lights come on its time to get up.After speaking to Anna* and what she went thru with Stan,i figured i would do what she does.

so,now im getting tough,day 1 today and it was awfull.she woke at 5am and she screamed till i got her at 6.she started off just cross,shouting 'get me out,now!' but then it went to 'mummy cuddle me' and i cant bear it!!! (now im balling again!! ) it felt too much like CC,she was clinging to me when i went near the cot,and kept screaming 'mummy,mummy come back!'

i know i have to do this for all of my familys sake but its hard.i need some help thru this.im on my own for 4 days now cos DH is away and i dont think i can do it on my own!

Please help me get thru this and crack this,i need some hands to hold

[MummyToBen]

Oh no!!!  Sounds really tough 

Will follow along and offer support - and hoping that some other ladies who've BTDT will hop in and offer some wisdom

Huge hugs.....I did WIWO with Ben for the first time yesterday and found it so distressing.  So this must be really though for you 

xx

[anna*]

Did you see my msg Lucy? WIWO got way harder for me too, I'm wondering if you could just stay by the door.

[~ Vik ~]

(((hugs))) Lucy Wish I had some advice, but definitely a hand to hold

[londonmama]

Poor you!  Sounds terrible.  I will be there in a few months I'm sure, because our EWs must be behavioural too.

WIWO really doesn't work for us - it's like, when I get closer to the cot he thinks he is getting out and then when I leave again he goes mental.  We have had much better luck with just peeking our head around the door and shhing.  At least that way he knows I am serious and expect him to go back to sleep.  Not sure if an ammended approach like that might work better tomorrow?

Remember that she isn't frightened or upset, just angry and confused about why she doesn't get to come out as soon as she wakes up anymore.

Good luck for tomorrow morning!

[babybarr]

Big hugs hun, do you think putting her in a BGB would help?  I guess then at least she could get out and look at some books or something in the morning.

Or what about a sippy cup somewhere with some water/juice (whatever she normally has) that she could get to in the morning, I know DS is always gasping 1st thing.

[LucySol]

thanx so much for your support.

Yes Anna i just got you message.i think you and londonmama might be right bout calling from the door.i lie her down again but by the time i get to the door she is already back up again,so there is not much point to that!

Laura-a BGB had already crossed my mind but i wasnt sure if it would make things worse! im sure she would just get out! at least in her cot she is contained! But,she is def banging herself in the cot.she bashes her head all the time she is asleep when she turns over. who knows!! something to think about???

will try the juice...il do anything!!!

[anna*]

Remember that she isn't frightened or upset, just angry and confused

This is a big one to keep in mind. I think sitting in the doorway with your back to her might work. Then as soon as her new lights go on, good morning happy smiley mummy.

I know it is soooooo hard when they are sobbing 'I need my mummy, I need cuddles', but also remember at this age they are perfectly capable of trying every tactic they can think of to get what they want. You are not deserting her or depriving her. THINK of how much cuddles she is going to get the first time she stays quietly in bed until her lights come on!

I was also thinking, you could tuck a few books into the cot once she is asleep, so that when she is awake you can calmly say 'Daisy it is still quiet time. You can lie down or you can look at your books, but it is not time to get up now.' So she knows she doesn't have to sleep if she really isn't tired, but you've provided her with an alternative way to spend some quiet time. I NEVER thought Stan would be able to do this, he always used to wake up miserable, but he does now (he looks at books or gets out of bed and plays with his cars).

[*Becky*]

we are going through this too Lucy and Daisy and Henry sound so similar. It is causing huge stress in our family too. I will keep checking in and offer support as much as I can. Hugs xxx

[*Becky*]

meant to say that I am going to give the sippy a try too as Henry shouts 'milk' at me now and he is not hungry so maybe it might help...she says hoping!

[londonmama]

Sorry to hijack, but just want to clarify what people do with the sippy cups.  I can see if it's water, you can just leave it in the cot all night.  But if milk, do you take it in in the morning and then leave?  Or do you somehow leave them with milk overnight?  But then it would go off, wouldn't it?

I'm probably being thick, but just want to figure out how this works.  I'm willing to try anything!

[*Becky*]

I would not do milk, just water. x

[louis-mummy]

Offering support to you Lucy

getting 'tough' with Louis fixed our nw's

i think you'll need to 'suck it and see' to a certain extent, in the end Louis needed to know that i wasn't in the room while he went to sleep or he'd wake looking for me.  if he'd been an ew'er i think i would have needed to give him verbal reassurance but me going in would have been, in his mind, halfway to getting him out of the room and he'd have been desperately trying for that.

****cheering you on****

[mmom]

Huge Hugs Lucy.  We are in a rough patch as well.  We also can't do WI/WO.  We do what Londonmama suggested: we stand in the doorway and talk to our LO. We just say the same phrase over and over.  Even just a few minutes ago, I couldn't get him down for his nap and he was crying so hard.  So I just said "it's ok, it is time to go to sleep" over and over again until he laid down and went to sleep.  He is stubborn though, so it took DH over 1 hour of this last night.  The nap was much better - about 15 minutes.  But if he is OT or teething (like now) it can go on for a while.

[*Becky*]

At what age can you try the fairy lights - is 16.5 months too young? I feel like we need to try this too.