1 year old WI/WO or GW?

[marlowsmom]

Hi Ladies!
My DD2 Marlow just turned one.    She is a an Angel/Textbook with a splash of touchy.    All of her touchy is associated with being apart from Mommy.   
I'm trying WI/WO the past two days but the WO part REALLY upsets her.   I get the panicked cry.   If I sit in the room, eyes closed then she is happy to sit in the crib and play with anything.    I've removed all items and she will play with her toes.     The only exception was last night.    I tried Wi/WO about 30 min but she wouldn't settle.   She was so upset that I ended up sitting in a chair in her room until she fell asleep.    She was exhausted but as she laid in her crib she looked for me several times before finally falling asleep.

I just walked because she flared up into a panicked cry, laid her down, said the night night words, turned to walk out and she is up in a panicked cry before I even get to the door.    Her cries settle after one minute.     She finally fell asleep after 30 minutes.
 Should I stick with WI/WO or use gradual?     

If I don't go in then her crying somewhat settles with a couple of flare ups.   Should I just not go in at all since it only upsets her?   Does going in, laying her down and rubbing her back for a few seconds hurt the process?    Since I've started this she now knows that I'm going to leave the room and cries as soon as I put her in the crib.    I'm afraid of losing her trust.

[babybarr]

Just bumping your post.

[marlowsmom]

Thanks.   

[MummyToBen]

My only experience of GW or WIWO is the last few days and we have found GW MUCH less traumatic for both DS and I.  May be worth giving it a go.  I've found that sitting on the floor with my back to DS helps, and then over time moving further and further towards the door.  I leave when he's asleep - but as I said, I'm only a novice so perhaps some more experienced Mum's will check in soon!!

xx

[marlowsmom]

Anyone else want to chime in?

[janecharlotte]

We have done both- GW when DD was 10.5months and had separation anxiety. It worked for us but it took a few weeks to get to the stage where we could stand at the door and things never progressed from there. I didn't like leaving her to cry but I started getting quite stressed out by the whole thing.

She has become much better and now when things go pear shaped we are doing WI/WO and that is much faster for us. I leave her for 5 mins, go and reassure her and then leave her again. most of the time she goes straight to sleep (although tonight it took 30mins but teething is an issue).

The one thing I found with DD who is also textbook but a little touchy is that GW sometimes made it worse as she got more worked up if I was in the room so my partner had to take over.

DD is 13months

Hope that helps

[*Becky*]

GW is a no go for us unless DS is sick in which case I would stay with him anyway. DS is super spirited and if I am in the room he will not sleep. We do a modified wiwo and it works well. I think it is very difficult to give advice with wiwo as each lo is very different in how they react to it. My LO, for example would go crazy if I was popping in and out of his room too often so I count to 30 and then assess it . If he is screaming I go to him, stroke his head and say time for sleep. I leave then and repeat. If at any point he stops crying I start counting again - does that make sense?
If I go in to him too quickly or too much I find he just gets so worked up and sleep is out of the question.
You will not lose her trust if she knows you come back so as long as you are not leaving her to cry to sleep (CIO) or leaving her for long periods of time and/or to get very very worked up then she will be fine. It is really tough, I do know but you are teaching her to settle herself and that is important. Be consistent and be calm and go to her if/when you feel she really needs you. It is important she knows you are there of course but if you find she settles more quickly if you do not keep going in then that is what she needs. It does sound like a touchy thing tbh - my lo is very much like this regarding sleep too.
Good luck xxx
becky
ps - should just say - I do not advocate wiwo if you think she may be ill or teething. You need to be fairly sure she is ok before you do it.
pps - post your routine - it could be it needs a tweak. I know that if DS is UT or OT we have hell to pay with settling him!

[janecharlotte]

I reread my post and I do not advocate WIWO when teething either- we are teething and so there is some crying involved with the bedtime routine no matter what we try.

When you do WI/WO how long are you waiting until you go back in? I found that anything under a couple of mins (for us) would just wind DD back up again. She gives a mantra cry and stops and starts again. I find with her now that if I go in after 4-5mins and reassure her then she settles well.

I agree with the routine thing too- if DD is OT it takes about three times as long to get her to sleep

[marlowsmom]

Thank you ladies.    If I go in at all that gets her very upset.    She may be crying but its more of a fussy on/off cry.  Nothing heavy duty.    As I understand it, if the LO isn't having a panicked cry then leave them be.    That's what I've been doing.    IF she has a panicked cry then I go in but it has been rare for her to do that.    She isn't teething.     I've been hitting the WI/WO with every nap and bedtime for a solid two days now.    When I started she took 30 min to give up and fall asleep.   Yesterday was 20 min at nap time and 20 min at bedtime.   Today she took 25 min at her short AM nap and almost immediatley fell asleep at PM nap time.     Bedtime tonight was about 5 minutes.     I think she is getting the idea.   

She was sick about one month ago and was eating very little if anything for a few days.   She survived on formula.   That resulted in one to two night feedings.    She's become accustomed to one of the night feedings.    My ped says its isn't good for her to be eating at night like that and that I should stop it.      He suggested that when she wakes I leave her be.    As long as she isn't in a panicked cry then she is ok.     Last night was the first night of that.   She was up for about 20 min.   

Her routine:
awake: 630am
AM nap 1030-1050 (20 min)
PM nap 2pm-330pm (1.5 hrs)
Bedtime 730pm

I think her routine is alright.    I wish she woke up a bit later though

[babybarr]

Have you tried an earlier or later first nap?  Sometimes not settling to sleep straight away is a routine issue, especially if she used to be able to do it.

[marlowsmom]

Babybarr- Sorry for not replying earlier but I wanted to see how she did for a few days.   She's now settling down easily now after about 3 days of hitting the WI/WO hard.     She usually lays down within 5 minutes of being put in the crib.     

Her routine:
awake: 630am
AM nap 1030-1050 (20 min)
PM nap 2pm-330pm (1.5 hrs)
Bedtime 730pm

The past 3 days though I put her to bed at 2pm but she plays around until 230pm then sleeps until 4pm.    Bedtime is 730pm and she usually goes right to sleep.    Last night she fell asleep at 730pm and woke at 6am happy as can be.     I believe the early wake up is due to her wake up from her not building up enough "sleepiness" since wake up from pm nap is 4pm and bedtime is 730pm.

[*Becky*]

Yes I think you are right. I would try and push the last A out a little to 7.45pm and see if that helps. You could also drop the am nap to 15 mins which might help. It kinda looks like she may be ready for one nap fairly soon. What do you think?