Those of you with picky toddler eaters:

[M2M]

What do you do at meal times?  I find myself not having a very good routine with meal times because he doesn't eat during them.  My husband works the 3-11 shift so it is me and DS at night but he puts a complete tantrum up when I try to get him to sit with me.  I have not been stict about this.  He does eat at the table when he eats but times vary.  My aunt says that I should give him the choice of either sit with us during meal times and do not offer food in between or put him in time out when he doesn't sit with us.  She thinks this will get him to eat different types of foods.  She also said to only offer him what we are having.  It's hard though, because I truly feel like he would rather starve himself than eat what we eat.

Sorry, I just feel like a bad mom, it's hard when he is so picky.

[clazzat]

(((hugs))) Picky toddlers are so stressful.  Firstly, your aunt is right: he will not starve himself.  It is something that he cannot do, as long as there is no physical reason for him not eating.  I have to say, though, I'm not sure that I agree about time out - the best approach when they are being picky for the sake of it is to not let it become an issue.  So ask/make him sit with you when you sit down to eat, and then if he doesn't want to, let him get down from the table - really light and airy "oh, you're not hungry.  You can get down from the table."  But you have to make sure that he cannot then come back when it suits him to eat whatever he likes - one way to make sure that he doesn't get too hungry is to have scheduled snacks in the day (when I was going through this, I found snacks were a good thing because they meant that dd didn't have the blood sugar dips which often led to her being cranky and us having a battle).  It also makes it easier for you to let him get down from the table because you know that he will have something in an hour or so and he won't make a fuss because he is hungry!  Having said that, my dd often went to bed without supper because she refused to eat it, and we never had problems with her being hungry.

I also suspect that you will have an easier time of it if you try to have meals at pretty much the same time every day - that way you can plan activities to make sure that he is not having to stop doing something to come to the table.

[Mum-of-Two]

Hugs!

First, choose your battles.  We decided when my DD went through the "wont eat at the table" phase it wasn't worth the tantrums to try and correct it.  Fine then, go eat somewhere else.  But she ate -- at that age anyway.  DS has been challenging in other ways, he is 13 months old and off the baby jar food completely.  I've found by trying new things he eats more and I've been able to find favorites I know he'll eat which is nice especially since my DH also works the 2nd shift and sometimes my daycare has to feed my son because I'm running late with my 9-5 job.

Neither child eats what we eat honestly.  I know we probably should have done something different there because it gets annoying when they get older.  As a baby my head is still on baby food so it doesn't bug me as much to have them eat something else.  DS I think will be more likely to eat what we eat since he's already showing signs.

As for the time out, I wouldn't do any sort of time outs around food -- the negativity around food isn't a very good idea.  And, as noted, you have to choose your battles.  I know some people who chose to fight it but don't remember how.

Second, we are currently struggling with too many snacks.  The kids know they'll get a snack so they don't eat their meals.  Its a fine balance for sure.  And I haven't found it.

My friend's trick is to offer dinner, if the kids don't eat -- fine -- she then puts their dinner in the fridge and when they come back an hour later really hungry that is their meal -- no snacks, must eat dinner first.  Seems to work for her.

[M2M]

Thank you both! Sometimes I just feel like I have no control over the situation, which gets me more stressed.  I find myself wishing I did things differently when he was younger to set the tone.  My aunt says that these are the battles I should be fighting because if not he will think he can do whatever he wants all the time, lol.  I hope she isn't right!  I guess your right, I really just have to go with the flow and stop trying to fit into a mold.  He's probably picking up on my stress about it anyway!

[clazzat]

TBH, the battle over food is never worth fighting because it will always mean more to you than it will to him.  The way that he will learn that he has "power" over you and is able to do what he wants is if you engage in the mealtime battle - it is actually pretty much the only area of their lives over which they have control, and when they are in a contrary phase it is the easiest for them to get a reaction for.

I can assure you it is not to do with what you did when he was younger - my personal belief is that every child goes through it at some stage (all of my friends have been through it at some point in the last 3 years) no matter how you approach it in the first place.  As long as you keep introducing new foods, make sure that he is not able to fill up on junk (so give him healthy snacks to choose from) and relax about it, this will pass.

Just so you know, my dd lost 1.5kg (about 3 pounds) when she refused to eat, and now she is a normal picky toddler (lol!) - we don't have big battles at mealtimes, because I know from experience that she will eat when she needs to.  And she was a big eater when we introduced solids - I will never forget her eating lasagne (aged about 8/9 months) with tears pouring down her face because she didn't like it, but eating it anyway because she was hungry!

[M2M]

Thanks   I feel much better about it!