Help needed for 17 month old on one nap.

[~Emma~]

Becky, a lot of moms have issues with short naps when they first transition.  I have read many instances where it takes a while for LO's to lengthen their nap.  That may be the case with your LO.  Many just resort to early bedtimes until it happens.

 This is exactly how it was/is for us at the moment. The nap started out as one of those 1 hour 20 min deals. Now I have to wake him at 2/2.5 hours! It took a couple of weeks to lengthen out. Kind of like he needed to get used to the idea that this was his only chance for sleep in the day!

 

Becky, I don't think the yawns mean much at this point.  My LO can have a great night and yawn at 9 am.  I know to just go to his regular nap time.

 This is for us too! I know I could but Brodie down at 10am and he would sleep but I just go right through it, usually distracting him with food!

 

[*Becky*]

well total disaster. 1 hour nap and then had a total tantrum on me when I tried to extend it. Ended up trying to scratch/hit me. Great.
I am so sick of all this. We have now done about 10 one nap days and onlt one has been a decent length. Even when we get a good night we still end up with a rubbish day and the one time we got a good day we had an EW. I officially give up with this kid. He makes me feel like I am a hopeless failure.

[~Emma~]

Aw hun, please dont be so hard on yourself.  This is such a difficult transition and probably the most frustrating ( although the 45 min naps come a close second!) You are by no means a failure in any way.

 I wish I had some pearls of wisdom for you but I'm pretty new to the 1 nap business myself. Just keep plugging away at it, it will fall into place eventually. I personally never try to extend naps now, its just not worth the fight I'd have on my hands!

 Do you think you'd get an EW if you went for early bedtime?

 (((((((((hugs))))))))

[Kay Dee]

Aw, don't feel like a failure! It just takes ages to figure these toddlers out. That's why fixed nap times and bedtimes often work best after the 2-1 switch. It just takes a bit of tweaking to find what nap time to use.

It sounds to me like either the nap was a little too early, or an hour was all he needed after such a good night. An hour would put him at 12.5hrs total sleep in 24hrs. That's not bad! What has he been averaging?

I don't think it's a disaster at all, I'd just aim for a low key afternoon and try to get as close to 7pm for bedtime as he's able for.

What do you think?

xx

[londonmama]

Becky, this was exactly me this morning after 10 hour night (our new specialty).  Irrationally mad about it, and feeling like it was all my fault.  In tears because I was so excited about the time change, but now I will probably end up putting him to bed earlier tonight to see if we can get a longer night, and then I will be back at 4:45 am in no time.  SO FRUSTRATING!

Anyways, just sending sympathy today.  You are doing everything you can.

This link made me feel a tiny bit better today:  http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/baby-wont-sleep-your-fault/

[mmom]

You are not a failure! This nap business just stinks!! There is truly nothing fun about it.  I don't understand why it is so hard, but it is.  I think it is even harder on us moms because we care so much and try to hard to make the best of our LO's sleep.  There are many moms out there not paying attention to anything and just going about their lives and chalking their sleep disasters up to kids who don't sleep.

[babybarr]

Ditto what Kara said.

I think you need to do a fixed nap time and go with whatever length of nap you get.  You'll drive yourself loopy otherwise (believe me I know )

What time did you do nap today? 

    

[scucci1979]

Becky, hang in there. This too shall pass! I always thought, one nap would be a breeze.
The nap lengths drive me crazy and I need to learn to let it go and let her lead me.

[*Becky*]

thanks everyone
He did a nap 12-1pm Laura so a 5.5 A time.
Bed will no doubt be 6.30pm as usual - I so hoped we could get to 7pm after the clock change but no

[MummyToBen]

No advice - just an empathetic hug!! 

You are doing great Becky xx

[Tweakster]

I really thought it would get easier by now too.  Then when I jumped over to the Toddler boards at 12 mths I read the same stories as on the other sleep boards, baby STILL won't sleep!  Made me want to run back to the other boards lol.  Reading about 12+ mth olds who still won't sleep is a bit comical really, if you can see the funny side of it.  Arrrgh.

Becky, I think you are well on the path to 1 nap, I agree with Emma if you start throwing in 2 naps I think it's going to be confusing and possibly muck up the body clock setting you are working towards.  You still have your nights intact (praise be!) so it could be that he just doesn't 'need' that much day sleep.  Or you may get to the point of waking him a bit earlier in the AM so that you can get a longer nap if it helps his temperament.  I have read it happens - if they have good nights then they aren't likely to have a real drive for a long nap.  It's finding the balance.  If he had a long 11 hour plus night and then did 2-2.5 hours nap, well he would probably be getting more sleep than when he was like 8 mths right?  And what I find is that there is so much developmental at this age, leaps and bounds, walking, talking, brain making connections and the dreaded wicked teething of molars and canines...I mean really did we stand a chance?

Londonmama thanks for that link, although I get to the point where I want to make a change with WI/WO or something and yet he's teething, or ill, or has SA because we started daycare, blah blah blah.  There's never a good time really :-(  I am starting to accept the 10 hour nights really because I think that's all we are ever going to get.  Considering on our best day he has only done 11 hours - I can really count on 1 hand - it's probably crazy to think otherwise eh?

We actually had the opposite issue, he was giving me 2-3 hr naps but now since starting daycare and the hoopla he was nap refusal all weekend, and managed a 1 hr nap and a 1.5 hr nap (which we had to extend).  And he's only doing about 1.5 hours at daycare.  Sleep at an all time low here - 11-11.5 hours in a 24 :-(

Hang in there everyone, it's going to be ok, we have each other and it is really helpful to know that it's not something we are doing wrong - it's the age and timing.

[londonmama]

Becky, I was looking back at my notes from the past couple of weeks and realised that the few days my DS took 1 hour naps were after an 11.5/12 hour night.  He seemed fine with it.  Does Henry seem cranky with that little day sleep?

Also the interesting part of that link for me was not the part about changing anything because we have all done everything humanly possible to have independent sleep!  But just to say that if anything is our "fault", it's just that we didn't want to leave our LOs to scream and to learn at a tiny age that no one comes for them if they're upset.  Probably with lower sleep needs bubs they would still be sleeping 12 or 12.5 hrs in 24 even if we had left them to scream at 4 months old, so it would be a lose lose situation! 

You're trying to be a loving and responsive Mum - that's the only thing that's your "fault", is what I am trying to say.

Wendy, don't want to hi-jack the thread but just to say hang in there.  There is probably nothing you need to change per se.  You have an independent sleeper, he just doesn't need alot of it, LOL.  I am realising that I am not taking enough account of my DS's total daytime sleep needs - when we get good naps, we get shorter nights.  Every time.  Sometimes we get short nights and bad naps, but that is more rare.  Like today I shouldn't have been ed that he woke at 10 hours because he napped for 2.5 yesterday.  Should have expected it.

My DS is like yours and when ill can drop down to 11-11.5 hours.  He always builds back up (to the grand heights of 12.5!) when he is a bit better.

I just can't get the stupid 14 hour sleep chart thing out of my mind.  He has NEVER slept 14 hours/24.  Not once.  Why do I think he'll start now??

[Tweakster]

It's easy to get caught up in that whole long nap/long night thing, because we were like promised that would happen when they started walking etc.  But it's not the case with these low sleep needs kids.  Also, I think that as you said, if we get a good nap, we get EW and shorter nights.  If we get shorter naps and less day sleep then he can go back down at an EW and get more sleep.

Sorry not hijacking just sharing and commiserating! 

Becky have you tried the set nap and bedtime thing rather than struggling with A times that can be a bit inconsistent?  It really did help us out for a while.  We did not budge from the set times and it did manage to shift him a bit, until illness derailed us again.  It's worth a shot!

[*Becky*]

I guess it is what I will have to do. I totally think that yes when we get a good day we get a short night and vice versa although saying that I will probably get a bad night. I just don't know. I guess he never did a 4 hour EASY ever so why would he do the 11.5 night with the 2-2.5 day nap - why do I still think this is going to happen when clearly it is not. I think I would just like a bit more predictability i.e. I never now what kind of day/morning we will have. I get up and struggle to know when to put him down for a nap, then he usually does not sleep that long and the one day he did he had an EW. Having said that this is a kid who on 2 naps would do a 1-1.20 nap and go to bed 3.5 hours later...he is just a confusion.
My thinking now is to push for 12pm even when he wakes at 6am and see. If we get a good nap then maybe he just needs a longer A time. But what then depresses me is this elusive good nap does not give us a good night.........or should I say morning.
I also want to push bedtime for 7pm - what is with this constant 6.30pm bedtime that he has had since forever...it just means on a v good day he wakes at 6.30am and on a bad one he is up at 5.30am and then the day is even longer and the cycle continues. I need to change a few things x

[babybarr]

Set nap time and a bit of flexibility on bedtime (only by 15mins or so depending on naps) definitely helped me to relax more.  At least then you know where you stand, if he short naps just go out earlier or leave him in his cot for 30mins - if he'll stay. 

I really felt a bit of relief when I chose a nap time and stuck to it.