How to feed a 'grazer'

[*Liz*]

Looks like that is what J is - he grazes on and off with little bits and pieces all day. When he asks for food it is always reasonable that he is genuinely hungry and we usually do let him eat. He is just coming to the end of needing to see the feeding team for feeding aversion due to reflux (he self feeds everything and that apparently is the end point really - that and eating adult 'table food' not purees). His weight gain remains poor and he is only just on the 0.4th centile and borderline 'failure to thrive'. But he is happy and developing well and in our hearts we think he is just a small one with a small appetite and a small tummy.

I very much doubt J could eat enough in 3 meals a day to sustain him and stop him from feeling very hungry a lot of the time, and I am happy enough to feed him in 4/5 small sessions through the day as long as he gets what he needs overall.

Of course, it is only too easy for them to end up snacking all day long. And J is very picky as well anway.

According to everything I have read some kids are just genuinely like this, but I just wondered how others coped with it and still had a balanced day?

This is what often happens ATM
Milk 6.30am 5-6oz (I still let him have milk first so I can get him to daycare before his breakfast)
Breakfast 7.30am (usually eats a bit of cereal and some type of toasted thing)
**10am Often hungry again here and will ask for snack
Snack/ lunch 11.30am (usually fruit, carb, maybe a yoghurt)
Attempt snack at 2.30pm (often messes about and eats very little)
** 4pm ish now hungry and begging for food. If not fed something decentish will end up having a meltdown over his dinner. BUT if given a decent snack this late then messes about with dinner and is super picky and a PITA.
5pm Dinner (will eat quite well if ate at 2.30pm and we avoided the late snack - will move back to 5.30pm is the snack is late but it makes little difference really)
** 6.30pm (has recently started asking for food again if he hasn't eaten anything at dinner time. By this point Mum is getting ratty and will just let him have a dry breadstick if he is persistant - trying to not let him go hungry but not reinforce the dinner refusal)
7pm Milk 8oz

Bit of a mess isn't it? But I honestly don't think he can or should be eating 3 square meals a day - but would still like some suggestions on how to tidy things up a bit - especially the afternoons.

Thanks 

[Shiv52]

What time does J nap?

[Deb_in_oz]

i have dealt with this sice liv was a tiny baby (and we did not have reflux) - fist i thought i had problems with my milk since she did not take "full feeds" etc so at 3 mo battling PPD i switched to the bottle - amazingly (and to my regret) she ate the same on the bottle so it was not me, it was her preferences.  then solids started and so on.

her rhythym is smilar to what you posted. she rarely eats a good breakfast - that milk feed was always our lowest as well. she will eat a little dry cereal or an egg with a few bites of bread. her appetite kicks in bet 9-9:30am. she will eat little and often if left to it (now is at school so has a fruit break at 9:30, 1st meal at 10:30/11am and 2nd break around 1), then wants an afternoon snack around 3:00 or so, by 4-4:30 the incessant begging for dinner begins and i TRY to hold her off til at least 5pm (the girls eat earlier than us since my dh gets home 7-8pm) and then she gets an apple each evening during bedtime stories (about 7:15-7:45pm)

we had feeding aversion due to force feeding (see PPD above - i was so frustrated i actually forced her to keep eating  -it was terrible - she woudl scream and cry and refuse the bottle and i did not understand), we ended up with a speech pathlogist working to reintroduce the bottle safely, then a spoon since she was then averse to one operated by others (self feeding started VERY young forher and she mastered eating noodles with  fork rapidly and long before she could talk)

it is very frusrating but i finally accepted (and argue with others who called it snacking) that this is the way she is made (i am a snacker myself and always felt bad about it, i burn throuh food/fuel quite fast as well - literally cn feel that my stomach is empty again and need food NOW). i don't know if she will ever eat 3 solid meals, i just get excited when she eats 1 great meal

[~ Vik ~]

Your day actually looks pretty similar to ours, Liz.  Sometimes I feel like all I do with Dylan is prepare food, feed him, and clean up after eating   Through the week our day looks like this:

7am  bf (if I am home) and/or 5-7oz soy milk (we do milk first too, and he has breakfast at daycare)
8am  usually snacks on some cheerios or puffs in the car on the way to daycare
9/930am  breakfast (usually toast and fruit)
1130am lunch (full hot meal, including starch, meat, veg, and fruit for dessert)
milk before nap (usually around 1230)
3/330pm  snack  (fruit and biscuit or rice cake)
430pm  again, usually snacks on cheerios/puffs in the car on the way home
530pm  supper (hot meal, but pretty simple as I have usually been awake 12h at this point)
7pm 5-7oz soy milk, dry cereal or crackers if he asks for a snack too
8/830pm bf before bed

I guess the main difference between D and J is that D tends to eat pretty well - unless sick or teething I am never really concerned about his food intake.  I have asked his doctor about the fact that he seems to eat all the time, and he said that it's ok as long as he's eating healthy, varied choices.  For example, he said that if he's just eating cheerios all day long that that's not a good habit to get into and can take space away from more nutritious foods.  But as long as he's getting a balanced diet of fruit/veg/carb/protein/fat and a reasonable amount of milk, it doesn't really matter *how* he's getting it, kwim?

Don't know if that was helpful at all?

[~*Nicole*~]

Liz-TBH Ava has really started snacking these days. We've gotten to the point where if she asks for food we just let her have it no matter what time it is. That said, she isn't as picky as J of course. Every day these days is different. I'll see if I can run down today just so you can see what I mean.

6:15-woke up
6:30/40ish-asked for milk (gave to her as I was tired)
7:30ish-asked for crackers-had some. asked for yogurt-had some
9:00-Was given 2 munchkins (donut holes) by my stepmother (I think asked for juice sometime around here and was given juice)
asked for strawberries at some point....was given some.
12:00-napped
2:15/30ish-toast with jelly and some chicken/rice thing leftover from last night's dinner (fed herself and most ended up on the floor)
4:00/5:00ish-asked for chips she saw DH eating...had some
6:30-chicken and green beans for dinner...ate mostly only the green beans. Had milk
went to bed at 7:45

So all in all she barely had a "meal" at all. She had grains, dairy, vegetables, protein but just ate whenever she wanted. She does the same at my mom's these days. Asks for what she wants/whenever and is given it so therefore doesn't eat a full "meal" as often anymore. Other days I can get her to do a pretty good breakfast. We still seat her in her highchair at least 3 times a day for "meals" generally but often she doesn't eat much b/c she's been snacking.

What if you had an afternoon snack at 3/3:30 ish. Might be hungry for more but not as late as 4 so might be more hungry for dinner? And if you did that and he wasn't starving for dinner could you push dinner to 6. I know it sounds late but Ava does well with a later dinner than most and still goes to bed fine. The morning seems a bit better.

[Texomamama]

Liz, I'm going to chime in here and say that like you and other PP's, I also have a small kid who prefers to graze and is not now (and never has been) food focused.  She has been below the zero centile for weight since 12 months old, but now I suspect she has probably managed to climb back onto the growth chart.  Like Deb said, it all started when she was an infant and only breastfed for 5-6 minutes per side.  I was sure something was wrong with my supply, or her.  Turns out, she wasn't that hungry.  Once she started solids, the trend continued, I continued to worry, and it was not until she was about 15 or 16 months old that I really started to trust her and realize she just didn't want to eat much.  Even now, at 2.5, I would say a fantastic day of food intake would look something like what I describe below:

8 am- wakes up and wants 6-7 ounces of milk.  As long as she continues to ask for this, I will continue to offer it.  I view milk as something more than a drink, but less than food, if that makes sense.

9 am - breakfast.  Maybe 1/4 to 1/3 cup cereal, or a 4 oz yogurt, or one small pancake

am snack- goes to nursery m,w and f and has a small snack there.  The other 4 days when she is home, I don't offer one and she never asks.

Noon- lunch.  1/2 of a sandwich and a handful of fruit, or maybe a baby bell cheese snack and some fruit

pm snack- a handful of raisins, fruit etc if she eats it at all (again we skip this a lot)

6 pm - dinner about one half a serving of EZ Mac, one scrambled egg and some fruit, or two tortilla triangles and some cheese.

7:30- about 4-5 more ounces of milk

I am convinced this is all the food she wants or needs.  I know this because to get her to eat more, I would probably have to chase her down and force it down her.  If that is not a sign she isn't interested, I don't know what it.  She eats a wide variety of food, just not very much.  Hope this helps.

[Mashi]

Following along with this Liz because your day is almost identical to yours with meal times and it makes me wonder if any of the things that I perceive as problems are related to the timing of things...only because you are mentioning it as a concern that it may not be "right" is the first I have ever stopped to think that our timings and so on may be one of the issues we are facing....

[*Liz*]

Thanks so much ladies - it really is very helpful to know that not only are others in a similar boat - but also find others that do feel this 'grazing' is out of necessity as that is what their little bodies are telling them to do.

J has a very small appetite and IS very picky so TBH his diet isn't really that well balanced. But it certainly isn't just cheerios all day long. I think it is fairly typical of a fussy toddler though - bread, cereal, few fruits, yoghurt, odd bit of meat, odd bit of fish, next to no vegetables. But I also do realise most of the essential nutrients are there in a very repetative way and there is no easy way to increase his range really - apart from to keep offering and allow time to improve it  .

Shiv - J naps from 12ish to 2ish at the moment.

I think I might try skipping any food at 2.30pm and offer a less filling snack when he asks for it in the afternoon - perhaps fruit. And see if that helps. But if it doesn't I might an earlier dinner and a 'supper snack' before his bedtime milk.

Seems a shame to have food battles if the only issue is that I am not following his natural rhythm properly as I really have no fixed opinions on when he 'should' be fed.

 

[squeakersmum]

Hey - my DS is similar and would graze all day given half a chance - main difference is I guess that Ben is on the 75 centile for weight and bobbles between 91st and 98th for height.

This was his day today
8am - 6.5oz milk
9am - Banana, bowl of readybrek
10.30am - 3/4 hot cross bun at music group
11.15 - box of raisins in car on the way home
12pm - 3/4 slice of bread with Heinz beans and sausages
2.30pm - after nap - fruit puree pot, few pieces of chocolate crispie cake from music group
5.00pm - 6pm - out for dinner with ILs - he had a few pieces of pineapple, some beetroot, croutons, bites of baked camembert in breadcrumbs, then most of a piece of baked fish, a few bites of jacket potato and some peas, couple of bites of daddy's chicken and then yoghurt coated raisins as pud.
7.45pm - 6oz milk

Some days he eats A LOT (like today) - but he's a skinny little dude for his height - I guess he burns it all off running around.

I know that he eats way more than J, although interestingly he has weeks where he will literally eat nothing, but he prefers to graze, particularly through the day.  He will usually eat breakfast and dinner but graze through mid morning to mid afternoon.

[Aly Mac]

My LO is a grazer.  I tried changing her, but it doesn't work LOL. I have found that an earlier dinner suits her better, if not she'll have a snack then not eat dinner.  I just ensure that 90% of what I give her is really whole and healthy (I mean 100% would be nice, but not my reality). She is fussy but loves fruit! 

What I've found is that she eats really well at daycare. I mean their set times etc are fine. I was worried she would be hungry when she 'shouldn't be'.  but she's fine. Sometimes Lil does want food out of boredome (shopping is  great one, always hungry) so i do watch that.  She has her days when she seems to have hollow legs but I think growth spurts that will always happen.

oh, I also watch the amount of milk to drink I give Lil. she loves milk, but I give it after dinner as otherwise she would fill up on milk. Not that you need to worry about that now as he is smaller, but something to remember.

oh I also foudn this was linked to her biting when younger. if she was hungry, she would get stressed and lash out and bite me.  she was hungry LOL

[~*Nicole*~]

I meant to say that Ava was in the 90's for both weight/height percentiles....but since hitting 12 months has gone down in weight. Was 75th around 15 months and is about 50th at her 18 month.  She has stayed in the 90's for height.

AND...we started trying to hold off milk until after she has eaten solids....and she does seem to eat a bit more then...and still drink her milk afterward.

[scucci1979]

Liz, Jacob has the same feeding schedule as Madison.  Come 4pm, she is going to our pantry, trying to open it, saying "yum yum."  She would snack all day if I let her.  We moved dinner up to 4:30pm and that has helped a little.  I also find, fruit is more filling for her-she is going through a strawberry phase now.