What is best when a 21 month old has difficulties to sleep... ?

[Federica]

Hi there,

I've got a general question about my Lilimaus.

She is a 21 month old, she is a combination of all 4 temperaments, leadered by a Text book baby. She is being in easy since she is 16 weeks old, very good sleeper.

She normally sleeps 11-12 hours at night and she would do a 1.5-3.5 hour nap starting at 11.30. She extends the nap depending on how well she ate .

So as normally (I hope) at this age speaking, listening & playing are much more interesting as eating, sleeping and even bading some times.

I do roll with her, trying not to bother much, but there is something that makes me wonder and will not deny a bit nervious.

Normally we do her ritual to sleep then put her down and she would drop off, but latelly either of the following scenarios occur:

- She talks and talks and talks. No calling anyone
- She calls and calls and calls,
- She cries and cries and cries
- She plays and plays and plays.
 

I have noticed that the last one is after a mate session or after something exciting has happened. Wednesday I finally took her on my arms and slept her rocking her.

When she cries or calls, sometimes she wants my hand or to be picked up. I do refuse but it makes me wonder, if she needs me as she is going through loads, shouldn't I support her?

When she talks I normally let her to herself until she drops off, unless she calls me.

When she calls, I go up and lay her down. If she doesn't want to lay down I tell her to do so when she is ready and leave.

The question is really, how much should we "give in"? And how to know when it could become a time buster?

Would love to have other opinions and some expertise is welcome to.

Thanks in advance
Mariana

[mmom]

What time does she wake, nap, and go to bed?  A 3.5 hour nap is a very long time.  She might not be ready for sleep and that is why she is fighting it.

[Federica]

Hi,

Well, nap is around 11.30-12 and night time is around 7.30-8pm.

Actually, she doesn't always fight when she slept long or not and she does fight sometimes to nap too (like today :O).

Thanks again for your promt responses!

[suevcameron]

Hiya
Can't give you any advice about how to get round this 'cause I'm having the same problem for the last week - only at nap time but my DS won't go to sleep and just chats and sings and jumps. It has been since the nice weather has started here so maybe he's been excited playing outside? I've taken to leaving him to play for an hour 'cause at least its quiet and he can't run anywhere and then getting him up. However today he did take his nap but he had a much shorter sleep last night. A lady on another post suggested shortening their night sleep - think will give it a go.
Either way - perhaps its just a phase they go thru around this age - there seems to be quite a few posts about this sort of thing between 20 and 22 months.
Hope it gets better for you!

[mmom]

What time is she waking in the morning?

[Shiv52]

We were having a lot of the same at 22 months (now 24 months) and I had to cut the nap back to no more that 2 hours. And I think soon I'll have to cut it a bit more. 

Is bedtime worse on the days when she's having a long nap?  Could be she is actually UT and thats why she's not falling asleep and then crying as she's bored and frustrated? 

 

[Federica]

Thanks to all for your replies! It is nice to see that other kids are going through the same.

To answer mmom, she wakes up at 7am most mornings. Sometimes sunday we leave her a little longer, but never goes beyond 7.30-8am.

I guess I will keep a diary again.

Question though, if your LO is asking for your hand because she/he cannot settle, do you give it? and how do you feel about it? and how do you know when to stop so doesn't become a time buster?

Thanks again

[babybarr]

Hi

Can you post a little more about her routine - in EAS format and also what things do you normally do to get her to sleep, e.g. do you normally sit in her room?

Laura

[Federica]

Hi Laura,

I'm very sorry for the late reply, life is busy at the moment.

So Lilibeth's Routine is as follows:

7 - A (wake up, change, eat, play - In that order)
11 - E
12 - S
between 14.30-15.30 - A (depends on how much she ate at lunch)
17.30 - Bad
18 - E
20 - S (again here depends on the afternoon nap, many times is earlier)

Thanks again

[momtonb&ab]

just having a little look at your routine and it would seem that her afternoon nap needs to be shortened as Shiv52 mentioned.  our LOs at this stage also did the same thing and would have a really hard time settling at night - by ensuring that the nap never went past 2pm we had better luck with settling between 7 and 7:30. 

and for us, we always went in to reassure, but we never stayed with them.   and if they kept calling at this age, we would remind them on the 2nd trip in that it was time for them to be big girls and big boys and go to sleep on their own.  we always reassured them that we were just nearby but that they needed to go to sleep.   staying or repeatedly going back only made them more wound up so we would try not to stay in - all this of course if they weren't really upset.  we would never leave them if they were crying terribly.

[Federica]

Thanks a lot again for the quick response.

I do agree that maybe we need to shorten the mid day nap, I need to see how it works, as normally she is a bit out of sorts in the afternoon if she does not sleep properly.

Today, I have a good example. It is 13.00 and I just managed to sleep her. She had today play group and that normally leaves them a bit "gaga"( like I normally say).

I put her normally to sleep, she seemed fine, but then she calls. She was sitting against the bed head, finger in the mouth and just not being able to sleep.

I rock her a little to help her wind down, put her in bed and she fell asleep alone. I do very seldom do stuff like that, as she knows how to sleep on her own. And I believe she has not yet shown signs of trying to manipulate (that I have noticed!)

I also do talk to her to see what the impressions of the day were, but sometimes that isn't enough.

Yesterday she slept only 2 hour nap in the afternoon and it was quite difficult for her to sleep. She was like those nights when you are so tired you cannot close your eyes.

I actually sat in the room until she actually shooshed me out of the room with a wave, when she was ready to sleep.

I just think it is way to much happening in her little head to process it, but I'm afraid to be doing more damage than not.

what do you think?

Thanks again

[momtonb&ab]

The way you describe it she seems overtired. Can you try starting her afternoon nap earlier?  Say closer to 12 or 12:30?  Let her sleep a solid 2 hours and have her up before 3, then in bed between 7 and 7:30?   If this is an option I think you will see that the earlier nap will help avoid OT setting in early in the day and then if she falls asleep earlier at nap time and wakes earlier then her activity time before bed will be a bit longer and she might settle there better as well.  We napped our LOsfor months at 12:15-12:30.

And if you don't feel like she is manipulating you / NEEDS you to get to sleep then I think you are just being a really gentle and fantastic mommy recognizing she needs a bit more help winding down some days.   Good for you!  Just keep an eye that it doesn't become an everyday thing. 

[Federica]

thank you again, for your wonderful support and the lobing, we moms get it very little.

I will try to follow up how she is doing and I hope she does not get into an every day thing.

We are travelling soon to Mexico to see my family and that will be a test as I bet everyday will be "gaga" day with the whole family.

Anyway thanks to all,
Mariana

[momtonb&ab]

oh mariana,

we may not always be able to get the situation perfect for you, but you will always find great advice and support here - the ladies are wonderful and tracy's methods really to help.  hang in there! hugs to you! you are a great mom!