OK, so is my toddler a bit odd, or not?! (Another one, top of p3)

[MummyToBen]

Mashi, I think we need to start a thread for the benefit of your DH....it can be called "what your toddler did today that was a bit, well, odd!".......I'm sure he'll be reassured once he's read lots of stories about other weird and wonderful things that toddlers get up to all over the world!!

I'll start off with the fact that DS has, for the past month, been telling every living (and sometimes non living) thing that they need to eat !!  So every bird, bee, ant, flower, lorry, dog, child, that Ben comes across, whether it be in real life or a book, is *loudly* informed that they need to "EAT"..........it all started when I got him to help me to fill the bird feeder so we could watch the birds 'eat'  . 

xx

[squeakersmum]

Start it Claire!! Start it!

[deb]

I guess in my world if the kids are playing happily and not hurting anyone/anything or playing with something that might hurt them or someone/something else, I'm OK with it. If my kids wanted to play football I'd be fine; I'd be OK if they wanted to do wrestling, although maybe not so much with the boys groping them in the process - but that's another story. If they want to have tea parties repeatedly all afternoon, then they do - because that's what kids DO. It's how they play out what they perceive of the world around them. If you stem it one way, they'll find some other way. If it's not the closet, it'll be under the dining table, or behind the sofa. If it's not the cars, it'll be teddy bears or spoons at the table. Heck, I've got a 4YO who likes to play Pull My Finger.... kissing cars would really be the least of my worries.

I guess I can't see a big difference between discouraging, or wanting to discourage, a certain behavior and disapproval of the mind behind it. I'm not trying to be snarky; that's just the sort of model I have in my head. What they do IS kind of who they ARE, or at least the visible (or audible, or olfactory, or tactile LOL) manifestation of who they are - to me, anyway.

[Mashi]

I guess I can't see a big difference between discouraging, or wanting to discourage, a certain behavior and disapproval of the mind behind it. Undecided I'm not trying to be snarky; that's just the sort of model I have in my head. What they do IS kind of who they ARE, or at least the visible (or audible, or olfactory, or tactile LOL) manifestation of who they are - to me, anyway. Smiley

Yes but at the same time that is what "socialisation" is about - teaching / guiding our children about what is appropriate and acceptable and what isn't.  If a 10 year old wants to walk around town naked, you would expect parents to explain how that is not socially acceptable and discourage/forbid it.  There are some things that simply can not be accepted as "just who we are" and allowed to go on.   

Why I have tried to clarify my DH's tone about this is not because he is saying to me in a very serious, stern voice "Um, Mashi, I have serious issues with this car kissing business and it should be very strongly discouraged because it's not right" - he is saying "hahahha, he's doing the kissy thing again with Dumper and Taxi...is that a bit weird or is this what kids do? Don't you think we should be telling him that cars can't kiss like people kiss, or what?!"  There's a difference. This is not a matter of not accepting who DS is or what personality traits might be motivating him, it's about knowing if these are odd behaviours for a toddler to show.

We have limited social contact, and the interaction that DS does have with people is quite confusing for him due to language and cultural issues and it often causes us stress worrying about DS's ability to socialise "appropriately" and understand what normal healthy relationships and friendships are about.  So wondering if he is acting "normal" with car kissing and feeding and hiding in the closet and such is not my DH attempting to force his son to be someone he's not, it's him concerned about his child's appropriate growth and development and what he might be lacking in from not having a network of people around him.

 

[squeakersmum]

Mashi I agree with Claire that perhaps your DH would be more comfortable knowing that 'this' toddler did this or 'that' toddler did that. One of the advantages of having a site like this to come to!!

My DS is a few months younger than yours but DH and I will often raise eyebrows a bit at some of the things he gets up to...he's in a hugging stage at the moment and hugs EVERYTHING that he likes/loves; dolls, teddy bears, the cat, people...toy cars, trains...plates, spoons...the remote control all the while making the Ahhhh noise!

[anna*]

Opinions on who is the crazy one here are welcome....my DS for feeding his cars/making them kiss?  My Dh for not liking it and making an issue of it? Or me (who meeeeeeeeee??) for thinking it's all fine and normal and not giving a toss.  (No offense will be taken from your choice!!!)

It's normal! Stan's planes kiss, they get tucked up in bed, I have to read them a story and give them a kiss when they bump their heads. I have lost count of the number of times I have had to tell  big plane 'It is time to STOP FLYING now plane! Stan needs to sleep! You must lie down and go to sleep otherwise you can't sleep in Stan's bed!'

[shivi]

hugs Mashi

Oscar had/has a car obsession that has changed over the past 2.5 yrs or so.....
For about a year btw 2 and 3 he refused to call food, food - it was petrol to make him faster.....UGH!

O likes to squish himself up into a ball in tiny spaces so all 110cm and 20 kg of him fit into one of the blue taller IKEA toy boxes....and this is something he only STARTED doing around about 3 mths ago....
Since Emma was born he has been known to hide in her wardrobe, bottom shelf, again in a ball....
Before that, he loved the walk-in mess we call our downstairs wardrobe....Emma is also fond of opening the sliding doors and hiding there already....

S x

[momtonb&ab]

i love mini-mashi - i want to play with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

i think maybe your dh is just doing Dad style what we moms do - worrying if he is doing it right.... it's all good, i think everyone is perfectly 'normal' over there

[Mashi]

i think maybe your dh is just doing Dad style what we moms do - worrying if he is doing it right....

Thanks Cherie, I think this is really what it comes down to.!!!

[Shiv52]

I agree! 


Has your DH a lot of experience with toddlers in general from before you had DS even?  I think unless you 'know' a lot of toddlers or been around them alot, its really hard to know whats the norm.  I think with my DH thats the issue, he just doesn't know what toddlers do and DD is his first hands on experience.  So he does wonder if some of the things she does are just plain weird and appropriate and he needs reminding that toddlers are just working it all out.

I really do think you should be writing all these things down.  Mini-mashi will get a kick out of them in the future!

[momtonb&ab]

fwiw we write this stuff down and it is so so so fun to look back at, even 6 months later. 

and for dh it might help him to tell him that ds is learning about social skills by exploring places with dark and light and acting them out with his favourite toys ... it may seem odd to us as grown ups but discouraging it (unless it is dangerous) may actually prolong it and turn it into something more than just a learning curve

[deb]

I think Cherie has hit the nail on the head.

And no, I wouldn't let my kids walk around town naked - but inside the house, with the curtains drawn, it's not something I stress about. If the social situation calls for something else, so be it, but the behavior itself, eh, I have bigger fish to fry. They're dressed in public and if not unfailingly polite at least not (usually ) overtly rude , and while I have to keep them from playing hopscotch on the floor tiles at Whole Foods (which already has limited room for shoppers and carts ), they can do it at home to their hearts' content. But I'm not gonna stop them dancing naked in the house (or the backyard, come to that - we have a fence! . In other words, while this or that might not be OK in this or that context, if there IS a place to do it safely, I let 'em do it - and home is about as "safe" as it gets.

I guess I probably read too much into the way I read your DH's "raised eyebrow" disapproval. Didn't mean to imply that your DH doesn't love Mini-Mashi unconditionally, and sorry if it came across that way. But so far, nothing you've described about him here raises a red flag for me, and I have knee-jerk red-flag reactions a lot what with Josie's issues.

It's really hard when you're in a situation with limited social contact. With my kids and their energy and desire to explore, especially Nat's, I would have no choice but to get out there and if not mix and mingle with the Germans (it's my ancestral background, but personality-wise I'm as far from most of the native Germans I know IN Germany - Steggi excluded, of course! - that THEY avoid ME! LOL), then seek out the expats just for my own sanity. But then again I'm double-teamed and outnumbered with two kids; things would be different if I had just the one, I'm sure!

[We Three]

mashi...here's on for you to make you chuckle...once my brother came home and saw me feeding his son (about 15 months old, maybe) some yougurt.....and he made a face because "isn't yougurt kind of feminine?"      Oh yes, it is...I am just giving him this while I have a t-bone steak and oysters cooking on the grill.   

DD, whenever dh takes off his socks, has full on conversation with his 2 big toes (which she calls Mama toe and Daddy toe)...she has even read books to them.  I don't even care if it's "normal'...it's hilarious!!

A great comment my therapist once made when I asked her if something was normal....she said "It might not be 'normal' but it sure is common!"

Kids do the funniest things....and I too, want to play with mini-mashi...he sounds like a great kid!!!   

[~*Nicole*~]

Mashi-The car thing is not weird. I think it has to do with not knowing that they aren't living things. Ava seems to know that I "drive" a car or daddy "drives" his car or whatever, but when she sees other cars she thinks they are driving themselves...b/c WE aren't in them, yswim? So today when we crossed the street and a car stopped for us, I said "The car stopped to let us cross. What a nice car. Say thank you for stopping car" without realizing that I was continuing the confusion that cars aren't living things that DO things on their own but that people control them. I feel like it takes a LOT of time for toddlers to learn all these nuances of life and put it all together. So he could very well just think that animals, cars, people, are all things that DO things....like KISS! Makes sense to me!

[Mashi]

OK so for those of you who would like to play with DS, he's free today at 11am, Sunday afternoons from 3-6 and all day Monday.  Kindly let me know when you will be arriving 

Nicole - it's the fact that he doesn't know they are not living things that is what worries" DH.  BUT what I never stopped to realise is that I do what you do as well "OH look, a car, let's wave hello....hello car, hello!!!"  and so on....so leading him even more to believe they aren't alive, never thought of that! LOL!.  I'll have to tell DH that, I am sure he will find it amusing!

Love all of these stories about your other "weird" toddlers as well, making me feel much better!!!!!!!!!