Please please help me come up with a plan to tackle this mess

[MLK]

It's interesting what you say about J  loving the food prep but not wantign to eat - my MIL is exactly the same. She is a caterer so is always around food, thinking about it, reading about it - but hardly eats. She eats breakfast and then just picks for the rest of the day. When we've been out to restaurants she wants to try everything but I've never seen her eat what I'd consider a full meal. I don't know if it is just a small appetite or something else but she's been that way for a long time.

[Shiv52]

{{{hugs Liz}}}

Have been thinking about you alot.  We've had quite a few weeks of food refusal and has been a real eye opener to me as we've never really had it before.  I am continuing to give her her normal meals and if she doesn't eat, that's fine (irritating when you've made lovely fish mash and corn and all that gets eaten is some corn!). 

I definately think its worth talking to your DH and telling him unless he's talking about something J plays with or watches or something he's done that day he's not to mention eating at all.  I had to tell my DH last weekend to button it or he wasn't invited to meal times anymore (actually heard him say 'well Maeve if you don't eat your cereal you can't go to the park'..have you ever?!!! She's just turned 2, as if she understands that anyways but come on. So she ends up saying 'oh park, swings' with DH saying 'no park, cereal'.  Talk about unecessary drama!).  And he does a lot of cajoling and 'oh just try this' etc and I'm forever saying 'just let her be'.   I was trying to explain how eating becomes a control issue so quickly and to try not go there. 

J is still a bit young to be really strict.  There are lots of things you can do when he is a bit older (first-then or gradual exposure to food) so be assured if things are still not great in 8-10 months there are things you can put in place then to increase eating.  Until then I'd probably ban cajoling and talking about his eating near him or even what he ate in that day.  Just provide him meals and snacks and honour him requesting if its appropriate and just try to take the control out of it.  If he eats fine, if not also fine. You are about to have a lovely new bundle of joy and its going to be an adjustment for you all.  I can't imagine what Maeve is going to be eating come October but I imagine there'll be a lot of toast with jam and corn for a while!

[Mashi]

I had to tell my DH last weekend to button it or he wasn't invited to meal times anymore (actually heard him say 'well Maeve if you don't eat your cereal you can't go to the park'..have you ever?!!! She's just turned 2, as if she understands that anyways but come on. So she ends up saying 'oh park, swings' with DH saying 'no park, cereal'.

Good heavens Shiv, we really are married to similar men!! 

[Shiv52]

I had to tell my DH last weekend to button it or he wasn't invited to meal times anymore (actually heard him say 'well Maeve if you don't eat your cereal you can't go to the park'..have you ever?!!! She's just turned 2, as if she understands that anyways but come on. So she ends up saying 'oh park, swings' with DH saying 'no park, cereal'.

Good heavens Shiv, we really are married to similar men!! 

LOL!!!  I did think of you and Liz when he said it!!!

[LucySol]

Was thinking bout you earlier Liz,and just wondered how things are going with j's eating?

[*Liz*]

Not too bad actually Lucy. We have basically just ignored him and he seems to be slowly increasing his range of foods. It is all very much 'toddler favourites' at the moment - but baby steps in the right direction.

He is eating more fruits now - grapes and cherries are favourites for now.

His appetite is bigger so his meal sizes have improved.

He is still as skinny as anything and on the 0.4th centile.

What he ate today,
Early breakfast snack - some dry cheerios, cornflakes and shreddies
Breakfast - Toast with jam, a kiwi fruit and a yoghurt
Snack - Digestive biscuit
Lunch - Cheese spread sandwich, grapes, yoghurt
Snack - Grapes and bread
Tea - Boiled egg and soldiers (ate the rest of the egg with a spoon), a chicken goujon, some apple pieces and a mousse

So - very 'toddler' ish - but improved from when I last posted.

Thanks for thinking of us 

The other big difference is that he will try things as well now - we ask him to smell and bite and sometimes he will.

Once I get out of the 'new baby' chaos I will try a bit harder with food types again and I am hopeful that we will manage to add some veggies and things like pastas etc.

[LucySol]

That is a massive improvement!!!!

What a weight off your mind!!!!

[Shiv52]

WOW!   Good boy Jacob!!!

That is great improvement Liz! 

[KathyM]

I found this book really helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/Food-Chaining-Feeding-Problems-Child%C2%92s/dp/1600940161

My ds also did SOS feeding therapy - which is similar to food chaining.

HTH!

[*Liz*]

Thanks ladies.

I've not heard of either of those methods Kathy. Are they like structured programs or something?

[KathyM]

They are both similar, but different types of feeding therapy for kids who are "problem feeders". The thought process being that these are kids who go beyond just picky eating - they really need help figuring out how to eat and to figure out that it's safe to eat. A lot of kids who were/are refluxers or kids with sensory processing issues have trouble with basic eating - feeling okay with food and safe enough to actually want to try it. You can't "starve" these kids out and make them eat new foods - never gonna happen. Their first priority is to protect themselves - and food is too scary to try. Obviously, this is different than a picky eater who just doesn't want to eat their broccoli at dinner.
They also are prone to "food jags" - which I think you described in an earlier post. My ds ate grilled cheese for a year straight - every day - and has never eaten again. He's done that with quite a few foods.
We've done SOS therapy for about a year and a half. It's basically working with food in a fun way to get more comfortable and eventually eat new foods. You meet your child where they are with a food. So they might be able to tolerate being in the same room, or maybe they'll look at it, or even pick it up. Wherever they are, you start from there and try to work your way up the hierarchy until they are more comfortable. My ds's therapist played a lot of games with food, lots of recipes - basically any way to get him to interact with food. The goal wasn't necessarily for him to eat it every time, but increase his comfort level so that eventually he might eat it. He's added some new foods and is definitely more comfortable now. It's a slow process and takes a lot of work and patience.
Food chaining is new to me. It sound a lot like SOS in terms of play and fun with food, except you work within the framework of food they will eat and expand from there. I recently ordered this book and wanted to give it a try.
I hope some of this helps - I have a lot of info on SOS - if you want copies, let me know and I can send them to you.