20 month wont sleep, pleeeease help

[mumof4butstilllearning]

my little boy is 20 months old, he demand breast feeds very frequently night and day, day naps are feed to sleep and have to hold him for a whole nap or hes in the sling, night times he sleeps with me, we now sleep on the couch as cant sleep in bed with dh, just cant sleep, bubs wakes 7/15 times a night to find the breast, quite often will be on it all nite, has a vice like grip and will not let go.
any attempts to get him to sleep without boob or in his bed fail miserabley with him crying to almost vomiting and me in tears.

i cant go on like this though, my relationship with my partner is not great, what with nver sharing a bed and me constantly ratty and moaning because im so tired, hes told me it cant continue.

i dont know where to start, please anyone been in a similar situation, any advice

thanks x

[momtonb&ab]

can you tell us what your daytime sleep looks like?  how long does he sleep in the day?  what time do you get up in the morning?  have you read the BabyWhisperer books?  does he have a soother/pacifier or a lovie?

there are lots of great moms on here who, I am sure, will be able to give you some advice.  i think the first step will be to get him sleeping in his own bed and without feeding in the night.  you can use Tracy's techniques to do this. 

Try looking here first :  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

Hopefully some BF experts will be by to help you sort out the night feeding as well.

huge hugs to you - you have come to the right place for help!

[RachelC]

Firstly, huge {{{{hugs}}}

Take a peek here at a gentle removal plan:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0

I think that is the way you are going to need to go.  It is going to take time, dedication and consistency and a lot of support from your dh.  If you are ready to take the steps to get your lo sleeping independently, we are ready to support you 

[Tay]

Oh darling, you must be exhausted!!!! ((hugs, hugs, hugs))

I can't imagine what it would be like to have to hold a toddler for the whole length of a nap! I had to do it with DD when she was a baby for a while and it was a killer! All I could see was the things that needed done around the house and I felt trapped. But at the same time I wanted her to have that sleep so I just would let her. But it is exausting and no one seems to understand why you don't take a harsher route to 'sort it out'.

But don't worry, I'm pretty sure there's plenty of experience in here to help think this through with you.
I think it might also be good to have an idea of how your Los day goes: how many naps does he have? for how long? Does he have any activities away from you?
In regards to feeding:
How often does he feed? How long does he feed for? Is he eating well? Does he drink any cows milk?

Hang in there!
xxx

[Vicku]

Couldn't read and not post, so here are some big big huuuugs! {{{{{{}}}}}} I can see how that is a really exhausting experience for you. My 6mo nursed every 30 mins the other night and my was I tired the next day!

I have to agree that the Gentle Removal/Withdrawal method seems a good idea. I've recently read Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution and No-Cry Nap Solution, and agree that there are loads of good ideas for dealing with this kind of stuff in there, also very compatible with BW techniques I agree that it will probably be best to take a slow, gradual approach in your LO's case, so he doesn't get too upset. But with consistency, lots of patience and love you can totally change things so you all can sleep better