baby starving herself...

[lainy]

hi

i have a very very picky and fussy baby.
she was 3.8 kg when she was born and finally doubled her weight now - and she is now 13 months old.
Eating has really been an issue with us. She refused a bottle, and was breastfed until last month. She wasn't ever into breat feeding- if that makes any sense...She maximum ever fed for 15min and of course my milk production went down etc. I was soo excited to start her on solids and of course I followed Baby whisperer's advice on weaning.
I dreamt about cooking for her etc...but my little girl on the day two learned to say shake her head and refuse the spoon. On the day three she realised that if she opens her mouth to say NO that i will put a spoon in her mouth so she started screaming with her mouth closed. This was 8 months ago and things haven't really improved much.
I am tired.
I just don't know what to do.
She has FINALLY accepted a bottle, but stopped eating that little bit that she did before. She is getting around 200ml-600ml of cows milk a day that i am supplementing with vitamines and milk powder. She would just never (!!!) pick any food with her hand anymore...Nothing. I just don;t know what to do...I think we are going downhill now.
What shall i do?
I had other kids over, hoping she will follow what they do- but she just watches them eat and does nothing...
I have tried feeding her in the living room and just leave food etc around her just "in case" she does go hungry so she can pick it up - but she never ever does. never. I have tried good food, bad food...cookies...muffins...Nothing sweet..nothing savoury. All i ever get is the head shake and NO!

I tried eating at the same time - but she is not interested.
Do i still put her in the highchair every breakfast, lunch and dinner?
Listen to her cry??
Let her cry?
Put the food in front of her and ignore her for Xnumber of minutes and then pick her up?
Not bother anymore as it just results in tears? How do i just ignore it??

I am really confused...lost...lonely...I just don;t want this battle to escalate to more tears and screaming at the dinningroom table. It is really stressing me out and I just have no support. My DH thinks it is a phase and she will grow out of it and that we should just let her do what she wishes too - but how can i let my little one, who is the skinniest baby one has ever seen - to just "sort herself out".

I really need some advice so if anyone has had fussy baby please please please give me some advice on what i could do.
Willing to try everything...She is just really tiny baby and I can't afford her loosing weight

Thanks

[JennŠ]

Oh hun!!!  Big hugs!!!!  What does her doc say about all of this?  Could she have something that makes eating painful or difficult?     

[lainy]

nothing...she said nothing..
told me to stop BF when she was 4 months and to start her on the bottle...But i have really tried. Followed all the advice on persisting and offer her a bottle for 5 min each hour - but she never took it.
we have done all the endocrinological tests..there is nothing wrong with her really. she just don't want any food....she doesn't have any issues with swollowing as she did take bananas, toast, nuggets etc few months ago...but she hasn't had solids (as in nothing! not even yoghurt!) for over a month...

i just don't know what to do. i have large mums group and they really can't help me either....
i just don;t know what behaviour i need to do - show her that this is what we are doing - we sit in the highchair and eat the food?? or do i just let her be and do what she wants???

i just wish her to be healthy....

[*Liz*]

What is her weight like now?

My DS is very difficult as well (and always has been). He is very skinny too.

I will explain more later when I am at a proper keyboard.

((hugs))

[lainy]

She was 3.8 kg (8.4 lbs) when she was born - big girl!
Now she is over 13 months as is 7.7kg which is 16.9lbs...

She went from 75% to 5% in the first two months of her life...and then when she was 9 months she dropped under to 1%...We have had really good few months when she finally started eating and she was back up heading towards the 5%...hence I am panicking as i don;t want to go back to that terrible time of her being under the growth curve...She just doesn't eat...reaching all the other mile stones and is extremely (!!!!) active and excellent (!!!) sleeper.

[JennŠ]

Is there a feeding clinic near you?  Have you been back to the doctor since she started refusing to eat?   

[lainy]

no there isn't...
doc said that at least she is taking the bottle and that we shouldn;t worry too much...

[Courtney L]

Have you offered Pediatlite?? I know when my lo was not eating well the doctor told us to use this as it is crammed full of the things they need but arent' getting??

[lainy]

No we haven't as she has never been vomitting too much and not had diarrea..There is no way i can get that into her

[First Time Mom]

(((hugs))), you must be so frustrated with this situation. I have to say I would go back to the doctor to see what they have to say and if they brush you off, I would switch doctors.

At this point, if she is drinking nothing but cow's milk mixed with milk powder, can you give us your EASY routine, maybe we can look and see where we would try to cut out milk to substitute for food. Also, perhaps your dd is feeling your stress during meal times and this is making her upset, making it that much more difficult to deal with her not eating.

My first thought (without knowing your routine, or how much she is drinking, or what you've tried already) is I would be tempted to give her fruit and veggie pureed food that is really thick and with a spoon for her to "play" with, just to get her comfortable with the high chair and food. I would not put any pressure on her to eat it, just make it fun for her. I would probably do this for a while, until she is not feeling any pressure to eat, and hope that she starts eating some on her own. Maybe also put down some toast cut up for her to dip into the pureed food.

[Texomamama]

Hugs.  This is very hard for those of us that have tiny children.  There is something very primal about the feelings of frustration you have when you feel you are failing at meeting your child's most basic need- food.

Having said that, I have a similar situation with my 2.5 yo.  She was 6 lbs 9 oz at birth.  She has never been any higher than the 10th percentile for weight in her life.  In fact, from 12-24 months, she was below the charts completely.  At a doctor's visit when she was 2.5, she had just hit the 25 lb mark.  I worried constantly about this from the time she was born.  First, it was her short bf sessions, then it was her small amounts of purees etc etc.  Finally, by the time she was about 15 or 16 months old I realized she was just NOT hungry.  All the while she was healthy and happy, hitting every milestone and full of energy.  Her doctor was never worried about her, told me I was doing fantastically, and advised me not to listen to anyone who said there was something wrong with her. Guess what, he was right.

Today, she eats a large variety of foods, just not a lot usually (although she can put large amounts away when she needs to).  She is just not food focused, and for that, I am extremely thankful.

You CANNOT force her to eat, and she absolutely will not starve herself.  And, when she grows up to be a tall and thin young lady, she will thank you

[JennŠ]

I think Courtney meant Pediasure instead of lyte.  That's the "complete balanced nutrition" stuff.  We used that for a while when Mouse was younger and kind of living on air. (I swear oxygen has calories!) 
Not food focused?  I love that!  Makes perfect sense to me with my toothpick kid.

[Courtney L]

Yes, I meant pediasure! Mommy brain!

[kikoz]

Hi there and hugs,
I agree with Texomama and your DH saying, its just a phase ( a long one most probably) and that she is not feed focused...
If she is otherwise healthy, sleeping well , energetic and sharp then I would nt really worry about it.
unfortunatly, the more you try the more you ll be frustrated and the more she will refuse , that is like a vicious cycle. And you dont want her to start have the wrong assossiations with her food... this could really result in longterm problems as she grows.

I would just stop trying and manipulating her into eating and forcing all together.
offer her breakfast/lunch/diner everyday ,try and incorporate the meals with your own as much as you can and stop there.
They really dont starve themselves, and if she s hungry she ll eat.

My lo who s only almost 9 months is quite fussy too, but I learned and forced MYSELF not to force her to eat bc it was getting very frustrating and entrapping... and things are much better since...she is still fussy and I m offering a PediVit select ( i would see with your dr abt that) to prevent any iron deficiency.
for you yo have a peace of mind, I would also make maybe some blood tests to see if she has any iron or other deficiencies?...


once you post you EASY it will also be more clear to help us help u

otherwsie try to relax, she is growing and one day  

And, when she grows up to be a tall and thin young lady, she will thank you

big hugs

[lainy]

Thank you sooo much guys.
Taxomamma thank you soo much for sharing your story with me. I always feel like people really don;t know what it is like as my little one has never been a big eater. I feel like we have eating days as often as other babies have non-eating!

It is soo hard not to worry. I often just look at her and think - she is fine! She is not walking yet but she is climbing and taking my finger to walk around, she sleeps through the night...she is very very spirited child. full of energy and very "with-it".
But then...one comment from some random person will be enough to completely tilt my balance...and let me not mention what it is like when my mother calls and cries as she thinks there is something seriously wrong with her.

we have done all the test, scans, endocrinology exams, kidney etc etc there is nothing "wrong" with her...she just doesn't eat.

Thank you so much for giving me some comfort and hope that it will get better....I truly hope so or I just don't know what else I can do