PLEASE HELP - in desperate need of a mentor to help get on EASY

[inoella]

Hello - I've been on this site for months but things are way off track now. First, it was reflux, but that seems to be better now - even off the meds. Then vacation, then she got sick - high fever, 10 days of antibiotics. Now I'm in a on-demand feeding, nursing to sleep, won't settle herself, prob. OT rut. She seems to have two modes of operation - full speed & asleep! I took the Baby quiz and she seems to be a little of everything - I just can't figure it out. I've lost the joy of mothering and am desperate to change. Have asked DH to take a few days off to help me get her to sleep on her own. The good news is she takes good naps - once she's down. But she's been waking up every hour from 2 a.m. on for the past 3 weeks.
Here's our "schedule" from 2 days ago (yesterday was even worse than usual so I don't think it would help:
6 A
6:30 E
9 E
9:30 S
11 A
12:30 E
2 E
2:30 S
3:30 A
5 E
7 E/S
Today she woke at 5:30, nursed at 5:30, 7:30, 8:30. Finally asleep at 8:30 (after trying for 45 min.) - took a 2 hr nap. I've read so many posts - I know the drill. I know I'm doing it all wrong so please don't respond to tell me that! I just need someone to hold my hand while I get back on track. I can't handle her cries - I just can't. I'm so exhausted! But I have no family in the area to help out so I'm hoping DH can take a few days off and the weekend to help put her down for naps or at least wake up with her in the night. I fed her at 2:30 a.m. this a.m. and he took the next 2 hours getting her to sleep, putting her down, she wakes up crying again...
Please help

[~*Nicole*~]

Hi! Sorry things are rough. One thing I am thinking is that she is OT which will make it harder for her to settle and you already know you're feeding to sleep so there are prop issues.

I notice her first A time is about 3.5 hours. 3 hours is average for about an 8month old, she is just shy of that AND she is OT so I'd back up her A time a bit until you get things sorted.

Can you go back to about 2.5 hours or 2 hr. 45 minutes A time and see if that helps while she gets over this OT rut? Also, you may want to choose to stop the feeding to sleep and on demand stuff. If she's fussy during awake time, try to comfort any other way and get your feeding routine back. Even if DH takes those days off and takes her for a walk or gives her a bath or does anything else. Then choose a sleep training method like PU/PD or shhh/pat if she'll still tolerate that (older babies tend to get annoyed so PU/PD might be the best bet) and use that for any sleep time she won't settle by herself.

Do you think this could be a plan of attack?

I'd shoot for something like:

6-wake and nurse
7/7:30 ish-solids breakfast if she's doing them
8:30/45-nap 1
10:30-wake and nurse
12ish-solids lunch
1:00-nap 2
3:00-wake and nurse
4/4:30-solids dinner
5:30-bedtime routine
6-nurse and bed

If you're worried about that being an early bedtime, I'd stick with it for a few days until her OT seems to clear up then slowly increase her A times and try to move to a 7am to 7pm day gradually.

[~*Nicole*~]

Oh, I meant to say....when she's not OT and she's in a good routine (after all this is sorted) take the quiz again. You might see she's more of one thing than the others when she's more herself/rested, etc. Being "full speed" is a sign of being pretty OT.

[inoella]

thanks so much nicole! she's doing better this a.m. with that long nap so i guess the OT just snuck up on us. it was so hard when she was sick - she looked exhausted but couldn't sleep. I will shoot for 2.5 A time - it's just we dropped the cat nap a while ago cuz she just wouldn't go down and she would wake up grumpy and then not go down well for bed. so i've been trying to push the afternoon nap late enough so that she can make it to bed... kind of a vicious circle i guess...sigh... but we'll put her down early 2nite - see how it goes

[~*Nicole*~]

I think it's better to err on the side of caution with earlier everything and work back to the times you prefer later on. Makes for less grumpy babies and parents.

Plus you need some rest yourself anyway.

[inoella]

Nicole - so I started right away with the afternoon nap. Took 45 min. She must have stood up at least 40 times. But the worst was when she just sat there and sniffed. Broke my heart... then I caved in for the night sleep - after a half hour she grabbed my finger and gnawed on it and i felt so guilty so i nursed on the other side. I know - totally inconsistent... Question about that - I know this is a props issue, but just wondering if you had any experience with pu/pd. - if i plan on nursing to sleep at night anyway,  can i keep doing that and just put her down for naps w/o or should i stop nursing to sleep for every time until she can fall asleep on her own? I don't want to her to be confused - but I am happy that this a.m. she went down in just 15 min.!!!
And I was really proud of her (and myself!) for going 4 hours for the afternoon feeding schedule.

[~*Nicole*~]

If it were me, I'd not nurse to sleep at any time, b/c it's a bit confusing for her as to when she can and when she can't. But nursing before bed is fine, just break it up with some type of activity so she doesn't fall asleep on the breast you know? So if you nurse and then burp, read a story and into bed. You've done something so she's eating right before bed but not using it to soothe herself to sleep. You know what I mean?

[inoella]

OK - i'll try that 2nite. 

[Chicane]

We do a couple of songs and a long cuddle after BT nursing, really low key and quiet so that he still maintains that drowsy just fed feeling...

[inoella]

I wish that worked for me... she either falls asleep or bounces back awake and I mean really awake.

[~*Nicole*~]

It might be that your bedtime routine is starting a tad too late and she's past her window when you are dong BFing and she is IN the window while you are BFing??

If starting earlier changes nothing...maybe adjusting how/where you do the routine would help. Maybe nursing downstairs as part of her last A time and then do other nighttime routine stuff in her room. That way something ELSE becomes the thing that gets her drowsy? Like a massage with lotion or a story on your lap snuggling with a blankey? The thing is if you change your routine it will probably take awhile to become routine and be a  signal for her.

When my DD sees me adjusting her blankets in her bed right before I lay her down, she rubs her eyes. That is her signal. She knows bedtime is right after that....I lie her on her blankets and still wrap her and say "snug as a bug in a rug" LOL