Hi there Christine,
DH thinks that when I get her up after after just 50 minutes of trying that it's sending her a message that she doesn't have to sleep.
Well actually she's sending you guys the message, and she doesn't have to sleep really. In the end, she controls whether she sleeps or not. It's up to us to put them down at the right time (and this is key with some kids) and set the stage for appropriate sleeping conditions and to help teach them independent sleep skills if they don't have any. At 14 mths, assuming she has been an independent sleeper with no props, she is now invoking her rights with gusto. And if she's too UT to go to sleep, leaving her in there too long is not going to help. Some kids can go to sleep UT because it's what they know, their body is set to an internal clock that says 'go to sleep now' at the same time every day - and it works for them. They may not sleep the full nap duration but they can usually go off without issue, and it makes it easier to tweak their routine. Spirited or Touchy kids ain't no way going to sleep if you put them down at the wrong time, they are just too sensitive to A times and they may respond better to a set routine - this helps set their clock which is normally all over the map. Have you thought about set nap times at all? We were never able to find the right A times for Finn - ever. So during a lot of nap transitions we just used set napping to get us beyond the craziness. Just throwing that out there :-)
Also, when she doesn't nap, I do go in and do WIWO although I rarely have to go in because it's more of a scream, whine, stop repetition over and over again but she will not give up. She will just stand there and stand there for two hours if she has to.
Yes been there done that. Finn will just not sleep if the conditions aren't right - if he's too OT he needs help to go off (yes we still use shush/pat!) or if he's UT he will just babble and play himself into OTland. And he has a lot of stamina, let's face it, they don't have anything better to do right? Again, they are showing their ability to make their own choices now. So we do have to get a bit tougher. I wonder if you are intervening too much? I have used GW very rarely because if we are in the room Finn tends to just chuck his crib toys out at us as if it's playtime. But there have been times when he was off the wall OT that it helped. I would alternate between shush/pat, telling him to lie down and go to sleep 'it's sleepy time' - in a very monotone voice, and just sitting in his chair singing Twinkle Twinkle over and over without acknowledging him. WI/WO has not really done well for us because he is too Spirited. We either have to help him with a bit of pseudo-APOP or we just leave him to it. He doesn't need us - he just wants us so that makes the difference to how we handle it.
The trouble is they sense our emotions, and they are so clued in at 14 mths. I recently read to take what you THINK they understand and double it, and that is probably what they actually understand as toddlers. So if you are feeling stressed and whacked out about her sleep, she's going to mirror that back to you. It's hard not to be stressed, believe me I know, but really as toddlers they can handle OT a lot better and they will make up for it either in a longer night or nap. They become better at self-regulating. And it's easier to just scrap a day and move on to the next day.
If I had to make a guess, I think it is a routine issue and that we need to figure out what her day sleep needs are, what her A time needs are and adjust her naps accordingly. How was last night in the end? What time did she wake today?
As for A times I would probably use:
3.5 hrs then a 20 min nap (because of the EW I would chose a longer morning A time)
~2.75 hrs then a longer nap - aiming for at least 1.5-2 hrs nap (watch her here, she may need to be in bed by 2.5 hrs or she may make it to 3 hrs)
No more than 4.5 hrs to bedtime until she's a bit more settled - this may take a week
So as example:
Awake 6
Nap 20 mins @ 9:30 - 9:50
Nap 1.5 hrs @ 12:30ish - 2
Bedtime asleep by 6:30
Just my 2c :-)
