She is the pickiest eater I know

[Mashi]

Sabs I agree that her bottles might be an issue.  At around 12 months old toddlers should be making the shift away from bottles as a meal (ie/ 6-8 ounce bottles) to milk as a drink.  We started at about 13/14 months and by 15/16 months DS was getting a few sippy cups through the day of 2-4 ounces of milk, not large volumes at once/. Just something we have to go in a little cup with our meals and snacks.  I would say that Madi is getting 2 extra meals a day of milk, and that will be having a huge affect on her appetite.  I would start by dropping her morning milk down to 2-4 ounces to go with her breakfast, and not have it be something she sits and drinks and then eats, but something she drinks along with her meal. Offer a few ounces at her snack or lunch and a few at her afternoon snack and dinner and then only another 3-4 ounces before bed.  It will help her to be hungrier in the morning for breakfast and at dinner she knows it doesn't matter if she eats or not, she is getting a full meal before bed anyway.

I also think that when you said in one post "I just don't know what to make for her anymore" that if you keep looking at it this way, then when you do find the 3 or 4 things that she likes, and you make them for her all the time, what will happen in a few weeks when she is sick to death of eating them and starts refusing those foods. She will then be expecting you to turn tricks and find her some new things to like - trust me, I've been there!!!!  Instead I really think that this is the age when it's crucial to start the "this is it" attitude towards meals (within reason) or their control and attitude towards eating will be so engrained by the time they are 2, 3, 4 years old you will have a bigger battle on your hands.   We went through this when DS was 19/20 months old and I do have a thread on it, our journey through the "this is your meal and that's it" I mean.  It didn't take anywhere NEAR as long as I thought it would but I will warn you that we have really slipped the past two months (travelling, being busy, etc etc) and have had to take this attitude again and start all over and it is not nearly as easy with a 24 month old.  SO as for waht you will make for her - you make things that are reasonable for her to like, the family meal at dinner time (altered if need be, ie/ I do not expect my LO to eat spicy chilli so he will have a portion that is removed before the spice was added, iykwim) and that's that. And for instance,  I do know that no matter how much I try my DS will not eat eggs in any form (which annoys me because he loved them from 8-13 months ) but I do offer them from time to time and on a night when we are having quiche for dinner I do not go out of my way to make him a separate meal per se but instead offer him some of the quiche (dipped in ketchup, cut up and mixed in zaziki, etc) and actually he surprised me a few weeks ago and ate 4 or 5 bites mixed into a pot of zaziki until he heard DH say to me "is he eating EGG?!" and then DS refused   Anyway, on a night like that I would still give him the quiche and whatever we are having with it (usually a potato or pasta salad and cold veggies) and then give him a slice of toast, a bit of cheese cut up and a bit of deli meat and/or baked beans. He can choose what to eat from there - so I've not really made him a meal but respected that after tying it 50-60 times, I KNOW he just does NOT like it. Something I have offered once or twice or that he has eaten in the past, tough!

I would meal plan her breakfasts and lunches for a couple of weeks to prevent yourself from falling into old standbys and to make sure that there is a lot of variety in there.  Maybe try to repeat every couple of days - so if you are working on getting her to eat a ham sandwich then offer it for lunch every other day so she gets used to it. Give it to her and ignore her/her meal.  If you are encouraging or coaxing her in any way at all to eat then it's a huge power game for her.  Meal is on the table, she eats, great, she doesn't, then fine.

I will try to find my thread and see if it is any help for you!

[Mashi]

Here it is Sabs
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=168087.0

[scucci1979]

Thanks for the thread. I will take a look at it.

What do I do when she refuses dinner and then goes to our pantry for some snacks? Do I offer her some crackers? She gets very upset when I say it is not snack time and pull her away from the pantry.

[~*Nicole*~]

If it were me, I'd not give her snacks if she has refused her diner....UNLESS you suspect/know it is something she doesn't like at ALL (but generally  you are trying to avoid that and are offering one familiar food that you know she has eaten and liked in the past and one or two new things--so you shouldn't have that problem)

Basically if she refuses food you know she'll eat and then goes to try to get a snack from the pantry, she is trying to be in control and holding out for a preferred item. By refusing food and having you give her a snack she has learned that she will be rewarded for refusing to eat. The exact opposite of what you are trying to do.

[Mashi]

Yep! As Nicole says.  I think I might even go so far as to move the snacks out of the cupboards where she knows they are, for a couple of weeks, and that way you can shrug your shoulders and say "Oh look, no snacks,!  Lets' go play....! and not make a big deal of it.  This age is REALLY an age of control and limit testing setting in, in a lot of areas and I think it's important to set the boundaries and lessons now that you want her to hold on to. Snacks are great, snacks are a part of life, but meals are what our body needs to grow. If you eed to snack between meals and you are not eating meals properly, then your snacks are meal foods, iykwim? Like any part of her meal that she didn't eat, she can have for a snack later on.  I would allow that, but not biscuits, crackers, etc.   As for the fact that she is getting very upset when you take her away from the pantry, I'd learn to harden your heart against it!  Sounds cruel, I know, and I struggled when DS got upset, but I had to start being tough.  I'd let him throw himself down on the floor and scream his head off and calmly remind him that there was some cut up chicken and carrots here if he was hungry. When he would yank that away and throw it across the room and point to the biscuit (cookie) cupboard and scream "that! that!" and sign biscuit furiously, I would just say "well, when you eat all of your chicken and carrots you can have a biscuit but not before that" and then I's leave it.  Go about whatever I was doing (ignoring the food he threw as we can deal with that when the issue is over) and let him have his upset.  That scenario as described played out many times, trust me. And one day I went to put laundry away and went back to the kitchen and found him crawling around the floor picking up and eating bites of chicken and then when he showed me what he had eaten and asked for a biscuit, I gave it to him.

The thing is, I still gave him snacks most days.  They just were not "snack foods" and they were when *I* said he was having them, not when he dictated.  So mid morning (say 10/1030) he had a piece of fruit and a bit of cheese.  No matter what his breakfast was. He can eat it or not.  Lunch came and he got what he got and regardless if he did or didn't eat it, then when he is awake from nap at say 230ish he gets what I have pre-decided is snack...cut up veggies, piece of toast,  homemade muffin, whatever. But this is where pre-planning even for snacks was important for me as it meant that I never stood in the kitchen looking around trying to figure out what to give him and then cracked ans said "oh here, have a biscuit!" iykwim.   If he turned down his snack because he did not want a handful of carrots (I used tinned so he can actually eat them, not raw!) then that is his choice (though I did often offer him two choices, say carrots or cut up sandwich meat for example) and there is nothing else until dinner.

I am not trying to tell you this is what you HAVE to do, as this really is the kind of thing that has to be within your own comfort level. But I do know that it can have some pretty good results pretty quickly.

HTH

[Shiv52]

Like any part of her meal that she didn't eat, she can have for a snack later on.  I would allow that, but not biscuits, crackers, etc.

This is what I would do.  So at least you don't feel like you aren't feeding her.  So if you offer her lunch. She refuses then goes for a snack, I'd say 'there are no snacks but your lunch is still there if you are hungry'.  That way you are offering her good, healthy food and not allowing her to say when and what she'll eat.  She  may very well get very upset the first few times when she realises she's not getting an alternative to the meal you have provided but LOs tend to learn very quickly that refusing food to get a preferred snack is no longer happening. 

I think it takes a while to realise its the way to go.  After a few weeks I realised my DD was NOT starving, not losing weight, still sleeping well and then she started to eat much better again!  Its funny how quickly they learn they can pick and choose what they eat and I had gotten into the habit of providing snacks if she hadn't eaten but its such a bad habit. 

Eating here is much better but we do have days where she will refuse to eat a meal.  Like yesterday she was readily gobbling up a veggie pizza for lunch when my sister sat beside her and started eating a box of pringles (DUH!) to which DD then said 'I no like pizza, I like crisps'.  AAHHH!!  So I put three bits of pizza on her tray and some crisps just out of her reach and told her to finish the pizza then crisps.  She refused so that was fine but there were no crisps.  (Although in that situation I did feel a bit mean as it wasn't her fault my daft sister sat tempting her!) But it did remind me how after all that time of good eating she'll still try to hold out for a snack thinking I'll give in!   She then ate a huge dinner of pasta, tomato, ham and cheese and a roll so I feel she made up for lunch then!  Whereas had i given her a snack it would have put her off her dinner.   

Like Mashi I find the pre planning really helpful otherwise i do tend to give the same things! 

 

[scucci1979]

Thanks for the advice and great tips!    I do pre-plan her meals the night before. Haven't planned an entire week yet as I have been very busy getting ready for number two.

I will try your suggestions.
I plan to reserve what she doesn't eat for lunch or dinner and offer it again if she goes to the pantry.  I can see her now, saying  "NO" and running away having a tantrum! 
 Now I have to get her to eat meat and chicken again!

It feels like a never ending battle and I am tired of cleaning the food off the floor!