Nearly 1 year old and we still have nap issues!! Help please

[JBS]

I know that there are hundreds of threads already on this topic so please forgive me. I have read and re-read threads and sample routines etc but I still feel so wound up and at a loss about my LO's routine. - all made worse this week due to my return to work for 2 days a week and him now going to a childminders (who has her own kids and routine to consider!!)

A little history to set the scene - my LO is a great night sleeper and has been since 3-4 months old - this is so great and I feel very blessed    - and I hope it continues!! But, from an early age (we are talking 8 weeks old or so) he has been a woeful day sleeper. A short nap king! But we have coped and we have had times where I have thought "Yes, we have cracked it!" but the week or so of great naps just suddenly ends again and we are back to short naps or all over the place naps.

My little boy is nearly 1 year old. This is our schedule - or, I should say, our ideal schedule!

7am wake up (wake up can be earlier e.g. 6.30 but I tend to not get him up til 7)
7.30am breakfast
8.30am bottle
10.00 snack
10.30 Nap - is usually 1 hour
11.30 Awake
12.00 - 1.00 lunch
2.00 bottle (am phasing this out)
3.30 Nap - sometimes point blank refuses and cries and cries whilst on other days will nap for 30 mins
4.00 Awake
5.00 dinner
6.15 bath and bottle
7.00 Asleep

*On the 1 nap days he goes to bed at 6.30pm
*If we are out and about he may not nap til 11am but still will sleep 1 hour but pm nap is then hit and miss

My questions.....

-Help! I am just so confused - do I shorten his morning nap?? My gut instinct tells me that I should just let him sleep for however long he wants - which is usually 1 hour. Occasionally it will be 30 mins but I see this as an UT nap as I have put him down too early.

-I would love to have a set routine that stuck but at the moment I feel here there and everywhere and it is getting me down! He can cope on 1 nap but I am not sure for how long..I am scared it will lead to issues with his night sleeping or morning wake ups.

-Is he ready for 1 nap? If so, at what time??? I have tried this on some days - like today - he went to nap at 12 but he woke at 1. He wouldn't take an afternoon nap at all. 

-Can a LO have a different schedule on different days to fit with childminder and then with me? I am dreading when he goes to 1 long nap (if that happens!) from 12pm-2 ish as my childminder won't be able to keep that up with her own routine (school run, music group etc)

What I don't understand is that at around 10.5 months he started randomly sleeping for 2 hours from mid morning and that was usually enough to see him through to bed  - with the odd cat nap on tired days. Only thing that was different was that we had flown long haul with a time difference of 12 hours (NZ to UK). Then it just stopped happening after a couple of weeks. 

I would so dearly appreciate some advice/support so that I don't get myself so down hearted again! I want to enjoy him but I get so obsessed with naps that it takes over!

Thank you!

[*Becky*]

Hi there,
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Your DS sounds v v similar to mine. He still is not a great napper but it has improved since we got through the 2:1.
The best advice I got was to shorten the am nap. I know it is tough as this is when he naps best but a 1 hour nap is not going to be long enough to sustain him for he rest of the day and at his age I do believe that he still needs two. There are the exceptions but most still need two. I would shorten the first nap to about 45 mins so you will probably have to wake him. Then try for a longer pm nap.
If you find that this does not help much you can go to 40 mins and see. Take it slow as you do not want to create OT.
As to A times between the 2 naps there is a bit of trial and error involved tbh. For 45 mins I would aim for around 3.5 hours and see how you get on.
As for the childminder, I know it is hard but try not to worry at the moment. My son started the 2:1 around 10 months and was not on one nap until more like 17 months due to teething etc. Set routines at this age are quite difficult due to the developmental changes that are going on as well as teething but it is something to consider if this plan does not work.
Hope that helps
Becky x

[JBS]

Thank you so much for your reply Becky.

This morning he woke crying at 4.30am! I haven't had that for months!! (or at least since we were jetlagged after our long haul!) - perhaps it was OT catching up on him or perhaps teething...who knows!! He eventually settled (but in my bed  - something I never do but I wondered if he was unwell and my hubby was away so it was nice to have him in with me!!) and he slept again from 6-7.30. Total nights sleep was about the same as normal in the end

So today he napped at 10.45 for 55mins and then at 3.25pm (was aiming for 3.30 but he fell asleep by 3.25pm) for 55 mins. So I was pleased with that as that meant pretty much double what he has been getting. I feel happier that he has had 2 naps and he will reach bedtime without being OT. I think I will try and put him to  bed a little earlier again to try and clear up any OT from the last few days/early wake up.

I was thinking about your idea to cut the morning nap. This may work but it will be hard with his childminder -  she needs to be out doing a school run at 1 and then again at 3. So if I shortened his morning nap then his afternoon one would end up being interrupted by the 3pm pick up, so for now I am thinking it might be best to go with the two naps of 10.45am and 3.30pm.....

What do you think?

I have tried an earlier morning nap in the past - like 10am  - but he has resisted this and just not been tired enough. If I could get him to nap at 10am for 45 mins then he could sleep in between her school pick ups...in theory - but I just don't think he would be tired enough at 10 am (unless he keeps up these early wake ups!!)

I just don't understand how he will get to 1 nap....is it better to have a short AM nap and a long PM or vice versa - or does it not really matter?

Sorry for the LOOOONNNGGG essay!! It helps me think through it!

[*Becky*]

So sorry for the delay, I have some laptop issues at the moment.
I hope you had a better night after your 4.30am wake up.
It is your choice as to whether you do a long am nap and a short pm or the other way around and maybe in your situation a long am would be better. I found with my lo that a long am caused some EW's and he also would not take the CN later in the day so often went to bed a bit OT but you may have success with it. If you are going to do a long am nap I would try to do it after about 4 hours A time or as close to that as he can handle. Would that work for you?
Becky x

[JBS]

Thanks again Becky

We had one more night of a 2.30 am wake up but it was more shouting and banging on the cot rails - am thinking it is more to do with recent changes (childcare) and possibly some separation anxiety. This time he thankfully went back to sleep within 10 mins without me needing to go in..and last night, he slept right through again.

I am finding that naps at 10.30 and 3.30 are doing well. He takes 1 hour or slightly longer in the mornings and 45 mins in the afternoons. This seems to be enough for him and he takes 11.5-11.75 overnight. The morning nap isn't overly long (in comparison to others) and he is taking it about after 3.5 hours A time.

I am going to stick with this for now as it is working and will be workable with his childminder. I am very aware though that over the next few months he will be making that transition to one nap and there may well be some issues then!  Perhaps when that happens I will extend the A time in the mornings and make his nap later and later...and hopefully it will get longer and longer so that he takes 1.5-2 hours in the middle of the day. Is that how I would do it if we are sticking to a longer morning nap?

Thanks again!

[*Becky*]

Yes that's right. You slowly push the nap closer to midday and shorten the CN until it is not needed anymore.
Good luck x