Accidental Parenting - what have I done????

[J & J's Mum]

Please please please help.  I've posted before at the start of this problem and had some great advice, but it's now spiralled out of control!

DD is almost 2.  About 6 weeks ago, she had a bad cold and cough, so I comforted her until she would fall asleep and then I would sneak out of her room.  This went on and on.  DH would put her to bed with no problems at all, and she goes down for a nap at daycare (she's there 2 days a week) no problems.

I've been poorly with a bad cold, so when she wakes up and wants me to cuddle her, I give in, just for an easy life.  She's even now refusing DH to take her to bed because she knows that I'll stay and cuddle her.  OMG What have I done!  I've tried WI/WO, but by the time I'm at her door, she standing behind me at the door.  I spend 30 minutes picking her up and putting her back in bed and that's when I give in and stay with her.

I'm so worn out with this now.  I really don't know which way to turn with it.

[anna*]

It's at this age we put up a baby gate at Stan's door. I would tuck him in, say goodnight, give him a kiss and then leave. You could sit with your back to the door (but on the other side of the gate), and just reassure from time to time with your voice. We did that, but then Stan was holding me to ransom staying outside his door, so at that point I would stay out of sight, and just call out to reassure him if he got really upset.

[deb]

Alternately, since you're sick, can DH have her "tuck YOU in" and then go put her to bed himself? That actually worked with mine a few times when I was sick.

[J & J's Mum]

I've tried that Deb and it worked for a short while.  I'm feeling a lot better now.  It just seemed easier at the time!!

I might try the gate.  We had to do that with DS.  Thanks guys

[J & J's Mum]

Will somebody please help!!

This is driving me mad.  I absolutely dread nap times and bed times now.  In fact we went out yesterday and she fell asleep in the car and I was just soooo relieved that I hadn't got to go through the whole thing!!  Last night she fell asleep on my lap at 7.30 while we were watching a movie, so I was let off again.

I just don't know how to deal with her getting out of bed constantly.  We haven't got a gate, I thought we had, but I gave it away before we moved from the UK.  At the moment, we don't have any spart cash to buy one.

Please please help me and tell me what I should do.

Maybe I'm putting her to bed when she's not ready??  She never looks tired, but because it's 7.30 I put her to bed.  Her routine is like this.

6-7 wake
I've been trying to put her down for a nap at 12 but she totally resists.  She has a nap at daycare anything from 12.30-12.45
Nap or 1.5 - 2 hours
7.30 bed

Help please

Rachel

[*Ali*]

I spend 30 minutes picking her up and putting her back in bed and that's when I give in and stay with her.

I think part of your problem is that you have inadvertently taught her that if she goes on long enough you will give in. I think you need to be consistent in your routine and just keep putting her back in bed. Perhaps saying "it's bedtime". What does your bedtime routine consist of? Maybe you could agree on something like a story and 5 minute cuddle. It's hard but I think if you stick to your guns she will eventually get the message that there is no point keep getting out of bed.

She seems quite young for a bed she can get out of. Has she been in it long? If it has been a recent transition would moving her back to a cot/crib help do you think?

And is she too young for a rewards system do you think? Maybe a chart you can draw stars on would work and you could let her have a treat (e.g. watch a TV show, go to the park etc.) if she gets 5 stars i.e. 5 nights going to bed properly, in a row.

[anna*]

We went through the same thing at the same age - it was like it was a compulsion for him, he COULD NOT stay in his bed/room no matter how tired. Is it impossible to go back to the cot? Or to borrow a babygate/look for one on Freecycle or similar? Stan really needed a physical barrier to stop him from leaving the room, he simply didn't have the impulse control to stop himself.

If both of these are a no-no, I would say to take the 'Supernanny' approach and do silent return for as long as it takes. Be warned it is not easy - one time we did it with Stan for 3 hours (and the next day we put the gate up). You just keep silently returning her to bed for as long as it takes. No talking, no interaction after the first return ('It's bedtime now darling') or the second ('bedtime').

(((hugs))) good luck. And it WILL pass!

[J & J's Mum]

Thanks 

She's been in the bed for a couple of months now.  This has all started since she was bad with a cold and I was cuddling her when she woke, then she wanted me to stay with her to cuddle her etc, so it's really happened since then.  I don't really want to go back to the cot.  It is possible, but a last resort I think.

I have been giving in too easily, I know.  So perserverance is what I need to do I think!!!!

[deb]

Along with the perseverance, I would let her know during the daytime before you start that you'll be doing this. They really do understand more than we sometimes give them credit for. Just mention sometime during the day before you start (as in starting that evening) that you need your nighttime sleep and so does she, but her getting out of bed is keeping her from getting her rest, and you know she loves to have you there but you have to be able to go to bed and get better so you and DH are going to help her remember to stay in her bed so she can sleep better and be healthy, something age-appropriate like that. Then she knows more or less what's going to happen and why, it's not just a case of "But last night I got out and all of a sudden tonight she's taking me back and not even talking to me, WTH?" KWIM?

Good luck! Hope you get some results, and that you feel better soon.