33mo FIGHTING bedtime

[mylittlelovelies]

hi!

this may not be what you want to hear, but maybe you'd have a lot less stress if you dropped her nap alltogther?!!

My DD1 is 3years 2 months and she hasn't napped since 2.5 years old. She is on the lower end of sleep needs and by 2.5years so was definitely ready to be not napping. The signs that it was time to drop it were that she wouldn't settle at bedtime (like you're describing), was waking early in the morning (as early as 5am some days adn couldn't get back to sleep) and even some NWs which were totally out of character for her. I found that because she was going to bed so late, she was getting less sleep overnight, so was tired the next day...tired enough to have a nice long nap...that would then mean bedtime issues and late night again etc etc. I actually found she was MORE well rested without a nap because then her night time sleep remained in tact and she was refreshed after a really long night sleep.

however before you freak out and stop reading my post because the idea of losing the nap is too hideous there can be some really good advantages to having them not nap.

1/ my DD (who remember is lower in sleep needs) did a 13 hour night for quite a while when she first dropped her nap...so she was asleep by 6:30pm and didn't hear a peep till 7:30am
2/ she was asleep in about 2 minutes at bedtime so it made the double settle (my DD2 was about 6 months at the time) much much easier...i only needed to lie DD1 in bed, give her a kiss and she was virtually asleep
3/ i had a lovely LONG evening to myself which i think was actually better than having a break in the middle of the day with her nap, but then having her up half the evening and going to bed frustrated after only a short amount of time to myself
4/ i no longer have to work around her nap anymore, so its just DD2s routine that i need to consider
5/ no more stress trying to line both of their naps up and frustration when it didn't happen

Since she has stopped napping i have introduced a 'rest time' where i give her a cup of warm milk and a little snack (it was a pretty tempting one at the begining to really encourage the rest time), i put a timer on in her room (hot pink egg timer) for about an hour (it was shorter at first), put a story CD in her music player (playschool stories, in the night garden, bananas in pajamas etc) and get her a few nice toys and activities set up on the floor etc and then i tell her she doesn't have to sleep, but she does need to stay in her room and play quietly. she does REALLY well with this. She loves her milk drink and really looks forward to her rest time now. She gets to come out and watch one TV show (usually Hi-5) episode after her timer goes off. So i get about 1.5 hours without kids every day. The good thing is that its super easy to match this 'rest time' with DD2s nap in the middle of the day. I usually get DD1s rest time snacks and toys ready first, put her in her room with the timer on, then go put DD2 to bed and i have a nice long block of time to do what i want. Admittedly its not the same as when you KNOW they are both sleeping and nobody is going to bother you...! and she does come out of her room at times but i just say that if she's having trouble having a nice rest time then it must be because she's tired and  i'm happy to come and put her to bed if she would rather that (she wouldn't...so she goes back to play). But overall it is way less stressful and she is out like a light at bedtime and i know i have my evening to myself.

When i was at your stage and DD1 had first dropped her nap, i would put DD1 to bed first and then put the baby to bed, because i knew i wouldn't hear another peep out of her she went to bed so well without a nap. Then it didn't matter how long it took DD2 to go to sleep, or if she protested or cried or whatever when i did shh/pat etc because i knew DD1 was totally out to it.

anyway, sorry for my ramblings...just seems like you might be coming to the end of the nap and it may not be as bad as it first seems (it is an adjustment though). Is your DD usually on the higher or lower end of sleep needs?

you might be seeing OT behaviour and that might be making you think she still needs the nap, but you may find she is much more well rested without the nap and will be less OT when you drop it (although no doubt the last hour or two of the day will be a bit crazy/emotional when you first drop the nap...but i found after a month or so she was fine right through to bedtime).

good luck, hope you work out a way to make things work for you
Jessie

[caseyb]

Jessie- thank you SO much for the info.  I really have a sneaking suspicion that she may be ready to drop the nap.  I would say she's a pretty average sleep needs child for the most part. 

I have been thinking about gradually doing away with the nap by making it shorter and shorter and moving bedtime up.  I'm sure DH will protest, but since I'm by myself most nights I need to do what's best for her.  She was up until after 10 AGAIN last night and was in bed, tucked in at 8.  It's nuts!  Sometimes she does fight naps too and I end up letting her sleep much later than I intended just to let her have some rest.  But maybe this is a sign. 

Yes, the idea of no nap is indeed hideous!     I'm not ready for her to give it up, obviously for my own selfish reasons.  But, like you pointed out, having both LOs in bed and asleep at a decent hour would be awesome!  Time to myself?  I really have forgotten what that was like!!!   

So here's a question back.  DH and I are taking a long weekend together over Labor Day and leaving our LOs with my in-laws who are NOTORIOUS for not following the schedule, which means she will be up late every night (until 9 at least).  Plus they live at the beach and she wears herself out playing at the beach and at the pool.  Its not uncommon for her to take a nap at 10am from being so tired.  Then when we all get home, she's going to a pre-k/MDO two days a week which I know will also wear her out.  So how do I make this transition more smooth?  Do it now and MAKE my in-laws conform to the new schedule or wait until we get back and see how things go starting school? 

Thank you so much for all the wonderful suggestions and for reaffirming that losing the nap at this age isn't the worst thing in the world!

Casey

[mylittlelovelies]

Hi casey,
sorry for the late reply....have you had labour day already?! what date is it (not sure where you are)?
sounds like the nap might be worth keeping while your inlaws are looking after them, if they are going to want the kids up late etc, then your DD will need a nap to cope.
If its a long way till then and you're going nuts in the meantime with her up so late, and want to see how she'd go without a nap, then i'd go ahead and drop the nap now, but tell your in laws that they can let her nap if they want (and if they are happy with the much later bedtime).
I found that even after i dropped the nap, at the beginning there were days when even i had to admit she needed one...she might have had several great no nap days but then a late night or early wake up would mean she needed a catch up nap. A good hint for me was that if she was fragile and emotional by mid-morning (10/11ish) then i knew she needed a nap, whereas if she was happy and settled past that time till at least lunchtime then she didn't need one. She would still get tired in the middle of the day, but she would have a rest and that would rejuvenate her and she'd have a second wind for the afternoon and be ok till bedtime.
Same with the pre-k i guess....she may just need a catch up nap here and there for a month or so until she adjusts fully to not napping. will she sleep those 2 days that she goes or is it a full day out?
With my DD i found that if she was genuinely tired and cranky early in the day and i knew she needed a sleep, then she'd have one at a reasonable time (ie not too late in the afternoon), which would mean it wasn't too close to bedtime so didn't have the same bedtime battles (though may have been an 8pm bedtime). I think because a catch up nap is exactly that...a catch up on lost sleep and extra tiredness....it just gets them back to neutral and doesn't mess up their nights etc, whereas when you are trying to get them to nap every single day, they get 'overstocked' with sleep and then start cutting into their night etc.

Hope you work out a good plan of action,
let us know how you go

Jessie

[caseyb]

Hi Jessie,

No, our Labor day isn't until September so we have a few weeks yet.  I think I may just keep things as they are until we get back and see how school goes.  This will be the first time that DH and I have been away from DD plus starting school will both be a big adjustment (her school is just from 9am to 1pm - but again, she's never been away from Mommy!).  I think I may start gearing her up though and cutting her nap down to see what happens.  We can always go back to napping longer if we need to.

Your approach with your DD dropping her nap was how I handled my DD making the 2-1 transition.  Some days she still needed two naps to catch up and other days she was fine.  I will probably try it much like you suggested as the gradual approach seems to work best for her.

Thank you so much for the advice.  I really appreciate it!   

Casey

Casey