Bribing veggies with dessert?

[Gypsymom]

DS1 is getting to be such a pain with veggies. I never make him finish his plate, but usually ask him to have 1-3 bites of something we're eating that he doesn't like before agreeing to giving him more than seconds of what he does. Tonight we had a major battle when after finishing all his chicken and waffle dipped in yogurt (way less sugar than syrup!) he still had one little broccoli floret to eat. He refused so I told him he couldn't have dessert. He kept saying "eat it" and was basically screaming it by the end but just couldn't bring himself to actually chew and swallow - I think it even touched his lips a few times. Eventually I declared dinner over and he was SO upset about not getting the dessert and even had one more go round at the table of 'eyeing' the broccoli but we gave up and now he's in the bath and feeling sad that he didn't get dessert (we did not eat any in front of him of course). Am I a mean mommy? Is that setting things up for even bigger battles? Probably some BTDT advice on both sides of the fence...

[Katet]

2 schools of thought on this... I tend to do it with my boys but they ar 5 & almost 7 & I *know* that their taste buds are on the downward spiral. At 2yo I wounldn't have done it because I worked out early that my children were at the "hypersensitve" on taste (as was I) side of things & so some foods were quite simply too much. So as I was a limited eater as a child (at 2-4yo ate about a total of 20 foods) but out of my siblings I am the most varied eater, so I work on that & now my DS1 is almost 7 his diet is growing by the day & he likes broccoli now where no way at 2yo.

Also toddlers/children are very seasonally sensative & so tend to actually prefer foods that are in season eg they actually often don't like the food when it is not seasonal & local (I've seen it every year with Bananas & beans for my 2) So maybe try a veg that is in season & see if that makes a difference.

The other thing, we didn't have desserts for our family until about 12months ago (although DH & I would eat them as a snack after children in bed if we wished) as I didnt' want to get caught up in the yucky food/nice food situation. For us "sugar" foods have always been part of the day & they could choose 2/day & pretty much when they had them (as long as after Breakfast) & Desserts came under that (as did Jam/Jelly, flavoured milk, cookies etc) Now that they are a bit older & eat better variety & do HEAPS of physical activity they are actually up to 3 (4 on weekend), but if they say have a cookie & flavoured milk & a Jam Sandwich for lunch, then they know dessert will be fruit irrespective of the veg that is eaten.

One thing that has always worked well for us is the "5 things on the plate" so for Dinner there is always 5 things, it used to be 1-2 that I knew they would eat then 1-2 that mostly got eaten & 1-2 new foods to make a total of 5 things. There were no seconds of those that were well liked unless parts of the others were at least tried. I needed to do that because quite simply (even though DS1 ate pretty well until he got sick at 10mo & spent 3 days in Hospital) DS1 needs to be exposed to foods about 100+ times before he will eat them & so he learnt to accept that if he didn't want to eat it he just left it on the side of his plate, same goes for DS2.
At the end of the day, I laugh because My Mum has always loved Dessert & when I came back from living Overseas in my early 20's  she'd make an assortment & I'd not eat them & because I was a vegetarian at that stage I'd eat heaps of Veg & I'd say to My Mum "see if you eat your veg, you don't want dessert, so not sure how it works"

[skatty]

Aww, sounds like he hates brocolli, at least he gave it a go, if someone told me I had to eat coriander or pork crackling I wouldn't be able to do it either  How is he with carrots, sweetcorn, peas, peppers etc? My dd wont eat cauliflower or brocolli but will eat most others but only raw or frozen, she hates the texture of cooked veg  but as long as she eats veg in some form I have backed off trying to get her to eat it cooked!

[mum101]

I just don't offer dessert.  I think my DD would eat all her dinner and even if she was full she'd eat dessert. My DS would not eat his dinner at all, knowing that dessert was coming. So I don't have it, and it doesn't mess with the meal. That way I know that when either one of them stop eating their main meal they have had enough and not hanging out for something 'better.'

[Tina (mum to 4)]

I think you were right to stick to your guns, as bad as you might be feeling now, you are not a mean mum!   I never force my kids to eat anything they don't like.  They have the choice of a tin of baked beans instead if they don't like what is on their plate.  If they don't want the baked beans either there is no dessert.  I started this rule as young as two and I think they do understand it.  It works really well for us, because there is no arguing or negotiation at dinner time.  If they don't want dinner or the baked beans, they know that is it for the night.  I don't like food to become a battle!!!  Upon saying this, I try not to serve up things they don't like (as much as I can!) and if it is a new food they just have to taste it.  Good luck with it, I hope tomorrow night is better for you!

[deb]

My mom tried this with me with peas and lima beans when I was small. I hated them then, couldn't eat them without gagging. Still can't eat them without gagging at almost-45YO. Dessert, no dessert. Ditto baked beans. I have a nephew who threw up every time he ate potatoes - EVERY TIME - and his parents would STILL make him "tryyyyyy the potatoes!" EVERY TIME. *facepalm* Whether it's a texture issue or a flavor issue, peole have food preferences, kids too.

Broccoli has a strong flavor that can make kids gag at worst, but even a strong aversion might not be something kids can get past. DH and I have always loved asparagus but our kids can't abide it, so I make asparagus for us and green beans for the girls; making them eat the stuff won't change their tastes but it will turn mealtimes into a battleground, plus that's less asparagus for DH and me. LOL

I have been known, for foods I know my girls might not be thrilled with but can stomach, to suggest that if they're too full to eat X, then they aren't likely to have room for anything else afterward. (Then they tell me their "supper stomachs" are full, but not their "dessert stomachs" - I apparently used that on my parents as a child and my parents decided to share that with my kids. ) I will offer an alternative, like lettuce and dressing, as an alternate way to get the green veg in, but I don't move Heaven and Earth over it any more.

[Mom to M&M]

In the camp of Deb and Kate on this one... DD (5 in a few weeks) is now a really good eater and likes MOST veggies. But peas - no way, never has liked them, who knows if ever will. I always make sure to have a veg she DOES like at dinner though (broccoli, cauliflower, corn, salad are her favorites). And she has to eat a reasonable portion of everything on her plate (that I know doesn't make her gag) if she wants dessert - I will remind her that if she's hungry enough for dessert she can certainly eat a nice dinner. And like Kate, I don't want her having TOO much sweet stuff in one day. So if she had cookies or ice cream at camp that afternoon (and she does tell me the truth always on this one) then dessert is fruit or yogurt or cereal.

DS is too young to worry about this yet but he's not great with veg on it's own yet. He does do really well with it cooked into things (spinach into omelets with cheese, veggie lasagna, soup, etc).

Have you had a chat with him to find out what vegetables he DOES like? What if he has something to dip them into - like cheese sauce or ranch dressing or the like?

[deb]

Also, some veg work better raw or cooked. My girls like their carrots raw, Nat used to eat them cooked but no more,and Josie gave up cooked carrots all of a sudden. But put carrot sticks in front of them and YOWZA! Ditto beans from the garden, and cuke slices go down well too. Raw spinach in salads is a win, cooked is a fail unless I hide it in something like pesto. (Kale also hides well in pesto, BTW. ) Josie wouldn't eat cooked broccoli if her life depended on it, but for a time would eat it raw in a dip; Nat used to eat it cooked but now won't have anything to do with it. (Me, I can't eat it regardless, can't digest it. )

[Mom to M&M]

Yea the garden is a big thing. Marisa CHOMPS down on cukes or green beans that we grow ourselves! Veggie chips are a good thing too - I thinly slice parsnips, carrots and sweet potatoes (like wafter thin) and then spray with some olive oil and a bit of sea salt and bake them. Yum. Kale chips are great too! And DS loves roasted chickpeas.

[Katet]

Just wanted to Add it is actually a modern thing that we need to eat 100's of different foods & variety across a week, if you go back as little as 40 years (to my childhood as I am in my 40's) it was very normal to have the same 2-3 veg on the plate day after day when they were in season & so if you have a veg that your children eat (like green veg & lettuce are 100% sure fire here) then there is nothing wrong with serving that... a few raw beans or a lettuce leaf on the plate take no effort even if everyone else is having another veg.

[Gypsymom]

Thanks all for your two cents. Really appreciate hearing multiple experiences with this time-old tale!

Veggie chips are a good thing too - I thinly slice parsnips, carrots and sweet potatoes (like wafter thin) and then spray with some olive oil and a bit of sea salt and bake them. Yum. Kale chips are great too! And DS loves roasted chickpeas.

Hmm. Good idea for us I think! What temp and for how long do you bake?

I did offer him cauliflower to trade me for the broccoli but he wouldn't do either one. In the past he ate more veggies (including broccoli, but favored it more extremely overdone, preferably in cheese or a mild curry my mom makes). I am certainly not trying to get him to just 'try' any old veggie. I just try to get him to eat some of something!! I mostly offer things he has been known to eat - cucumbers, sometimes beans (not green), sometimes hummous, cooked carrots, sweet potato, and recently some interest in corn on the cob. Won't touch salads or most raw veggies. Loves pickles but they are so salty! He does like dipping stuff so maybe I'll give that a go again. He probably does have a rather fussy palate (like his mama!) but he does sometimes "suck it up" and eat something he doesn't like (it's pretty funny to watch him wash it down with a big gulp of milk) and DH thinks he would have done so yesterday if he wasn't so tired (and unsure if he wanted to do as we wished!). He does love spaghetti sauce so will try to keep at adding extra goodness there.

We do keep dessert pretty simple most of the time (a couple of animal crackers, frozen berries, maybe a muffin) although he knows that if it's a "party" or "company" we will probably have special treats like cookies, cake, ice cream, chocolate.

It seems most kids love their carbs! Tonight I didn't get another chance as we ended up being out for supper and he chose pancakes and sausage which conveniently is veggie free...