Author Topic: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2  (Read 95209 times)

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Offline madirose

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2011, 14:12:56 pm »
More good encouragement, thanks ladies.

I really have my hands full with her since she is an energetic spirited baby, but with the clinginess of being touchy. I actually really enjoy her spirit, but I'm finding the touchiness harder to manage. I just want her to feel and be comforted by her dad's love, and for me to be able to leave the house without her crying the WHOLE time...

Grandma does take it a little personally, but she's getting to be more understanding once we've explained LOs personality and given her some pointers on how she likes to be approached (holding her facing out, giving her some distance, etc). What works best actually is putting her in the stroller and going for walks! LO can completely forget who is pushing her, so she's happy :) Unfortunately today its cold, windy and snowy, so hopefully they manage okay while I'm out for my meeting. It's hard enough leaving the little cutie pie, without feeling like her world is ending. I really think its reasonable for me to work 4 hours a week...just can't convince her :p

Offline clairebear79

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #16 on: March 22, 2011, 12:27:53 pm »
Hi all - I'm joining this thread as I too have a touchy LO!

madirose - my DS sounds similar to your LO in that he really struggles with other people, esp his grandparents.  I have asked them to look after him & he gets so so upset & distressed if they pick him up, to the point where he refused his feeds.  Last week my mum looked after him at our house & he started crying the moment she arrived.  I feel so awful as his grandparents are all itching to give him a cuddle, play with him etc but he just gets so upset.  It's heartbreaking leaving him knowing he will cry the whole time & I just end up sobbing too, so I hardly ever do it.  Not sure if this just exacerbates the problem though??

Fortunately he is fine with his daddy though so at least I can share the load a little.  What you are going through must be REALLY REALLY hard.

We have found the same as you that the best thing for DS is putting him in the pushchair - he doesnt mind being pushed by nannie or grandma at all.  I think that's really funny.  Maybe he just doesnt like them getting in his personal space.

I must say I do find that he copes better if people come to our house rather than us going to them, and I've started to tell our family not to speak to him when they arrive, just come in, sit down & talk with us.  That way it gives him a little time to adjust to them being there & he seems much more comfortable this way.  At the minute holding him is pretty much off the menu - its just a step too far & it freaks him out, even if they hold him facing us (although we've had a breakthrough with his grandpa who's held him for 20mins at the last 2 visits!!).

I'm hoping this will all change in time as I'd love for him to be able to enjoy going out for the day or overnight to his grandparents.

Having said that I think I was a touchy baby & I still feel uncomfortable in new/unfamiliar surroundings or with unfamiliar people.  Maybe it is something that never leaves you but you just learn how to cope with it better.

Offline Kta400

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2011, 16:17:24 pm »
I have a touchy LO and we have been having a hard time getting him use to the car and going for walks in the stroller! I thought those were suppose to be calming! :) He cries once he gets in the car and we are moving and he cries when we are out on walks. I am trying to get him use to both but would love any advise!
Katie

Offline MommaBrooke

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2011, 16:41:55 pm »
How old is he?  If he's still a little guy I can only imagine how overwhelming it all is, despite the calming effect of the motion.  When she was just a little gal, I would cover L's car seat or stroller with a blanket, helped to block out the overwhelming visual stuff, always helped her sleep too, lol.  Maybe try going out just holding your LO or going out with a carrier/baby wrap, minus the stroller.  I know my LO is always more able to deal with new or overwhelming things if we are holding her instead of being by herself in the stroller or car seat.  HTH!

Offline Kta400

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2011, 18:04:22 pm »
Hi MommaBrooke.
Thanks for you reply. He is 15 weeks but born 4 weeks early. I have taken him out in just the front pack to get the mail and that went well. I will try doing a few more of those ... we live in MN so the weather has been so cold. He hasn't had much exposure to outside but now that the weather is getting a little better I want to get him out if it is above 45 degress.
Katie

Offline clairebear79

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2011, 21:19:06 pm »
OK ladies.  I really need a little advice here on dealing with my touchy DS, if anyone's able to offer some.

DS is crying/whinging A LOT at the moment & its really wearing me down.  My mum thinks he's just a demanding baby who wants my attention ALL the time & is whinging/crying when he doesn't get it, and she also thinks he's a very intelligent baby who needs lots of stimulation & who is getting fed up of being home with the same old toys/scenery so much.

She could well be right about the stimulation thing.  As I'm doing milk feed 1hr before solids & his sleep is all over the place ATM I feel like I can hardly get out the house to do any activities as it always falls at the 'wrong' time i.e. when he needs a feed or a sleep.  So he could well be fed up of being home.  He's always happy to go for a walk.  Do you find with your touchies that its easier to drop the routine & go with the flow a bit more & get out to more activities, even if they do fall at sleep times?  Or is that a big no-no???


Also I'm really struggling to know how to respond to his cries when I step away from him.  It starts even if I only step a foot away.  I realise he's prime age for SA ATM but anything I try just doesnt seem to be helping.  He only stops if I pick him up but I try not to do this too much as I don't want him to come to expect it.  I place him where he can see me & reassure him I will be back.  I've tried peek-a-boo & to make a game of it etc but he still cries.  I don't hover over him all the time & I try & encourage independent play its just like he cant even cope with 5 minutes alone.  He's always been this way since birth, I just don't know how to make him feel more secure.  Any ideas? 

He also has huge stranger anxiety issues.  He screams & screams & screams if anyone other than me or DH hold him.  Its a real utter distress scream.  How do I try & address this?  I'm trying to ensure he sees grandparents regularly & that they don't get in his face too much when they see him, to allow him to adjust to them being there, but no joy so far.  I've also tried cold turkey leaving him with them & that was just soooooo upsetting for him & me.  He wouldn't even take his feed from them.  How will I ever get him to a position where I can leave him with someone else??????

Offline MommaBrooke

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #21 on: March 25, 2011, 22:36:39 pm »

  Do you find with your touchies that its easier to drop the routine & go with the flow a bit more & get out to more activities, even if they do fall at sleep times?  Or is that a big no-no???

My LO responded very well to a schedule...I never thought she would, but it really worked out well for us.  I could set my watch by her now, so it really has helped us be able to get out and do things.  If left to her own devices, she would sleep in as much as possible, hardly nap, then stay up late...Which leaves little time for me and makes her one cranky baby, so I started waking her up in the morning, and her naps started to fall into place at pretty much the same time every day.  I think because of her personality she likes the structure, she always knows what's going to happen, so there are no surprises (aside from which route we take on our daily walk, lol)

Is it possible that your LO is teething?  L just cut her two bottom teeth and her max independent play time is only about 5 min ATM.  I understand how frustrating it is when they seem to need you so bad, but if he's teething then at least you have an explanation.

I find my LO gets bored easily, but because she's such a sensitive little girl, she also gets overwhelmed easily.  Just be careful with providing too much stimulation.  My MIL said the same thing as your mum..."She's a baby, she needs stimulation".  Then I explained that my baby is so attentive to everything that even the smallest things are stimulating enough for her.  Hopefully you can find a good balance to keep your little guy happy :)

Offline nednoodle

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #22 on: April 01, 2011, 19:11:08 pm »
Hi
So wish I had found this "touchy" area months ago!  My DD is 7 months now and big time touchy.  I read the other posts and am so relieved to hear a familiar story, am sure people think I just exaggerate when I tell them about her.  I had to carry her all day long for her first 7 weeks, she screamed anytime I put her down.  She hated her pram and the car and other people!!  She has improved greatly, doesn't mind her pushchair, still not keen on the car and ok with people she knows.  She has shown signs recently of SA, following me around the room with her eyes!  

Two things I want to ask about.  She still wakens at night and the only way I can get her to settle is to feed her.  I've tried AP her but it takes an hour and a half till she wears herself out.  She is well established on solids now so I can't think she needs the feed (although she does take a fair amount, not just snack).  I wondered if anyone has tried PU/PD on their touchy?  It worked a treat on my textbook DS, but I'm not so sure it would work on her.  She gets in a real state when she's upset, screams, doesn't want comforted and sobs for ages once settled.  I'm nervous about even trying it!  She's also still swaddled!  Have just let one arm out this week.

Other thing is she starts nursery next month, again I'm nervous.  Have started her 2 months before I go back to work as I think it's going to be a slow process.  Worried that the staff will wonder what's hit them.  It's like she eyes people up when she meets them, everyone tries to coax a smile out, but no luck usually.  It's funny because when she is around familiar people she is full of life and screeches at her brother to play with her!

Any advice welcome!  Or just chats!
Thanks, Nikki

Offline MommaBrooke

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #23 on: April 04, 2011, 14:33:46 pm »
Hi Nikki!
We used PU/PD right from the start with our LO.  It worked well, but I have never used it for night wakings.  Because she can put herself to sleep, if she wakes at night and can't put herself back to sleep, there is a good reason for it so I don't feel comfortable using PU/PD at night.  She usually has two reasons for waking at night, teething or growth spurt.  I will feed her even if it's teething pain, because eating will usually calm her down.  I can tell if it's teething because she will wake up with a very sharp, high pitched cry, and hungry is more of a low cry for her.  I would probably try to wean the night feed gradually, and get her to eat more during the day, instead of using PU/PD for her night wakings...but that's just me.  You have to decide what you are comfortable with :)

It's like she eyes people up when she meets them, everyone tries to coax a smile out, but no luck usually.  It's funny because when she is around familiar people she is full of life and screeches at her brother to play with her!

It's so funny when people try to get my LO to smile!  She definitely interacts and smiles on her own terms.  I'm sure once your LO gets used to the people at her nursery she will be fine.  It just may take a little more time.  And if you are nervous, she will definitely pick up on that and the transition will be even rougher on her because she will think "If mom is anxious then I need to be anxious too".  It's amazing how our Touchy babies pick up on every emotion we are feeling, DH and I always have to remind each other to relax so that our LO doesn't pick up on the anxiety and freak out :)
HTH and Goodluck!

Offline nednoodle

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #24 on: April 04, 2011, 20:40:59 pm »
Thanks Brooke

We had the night from hell last night, I only got 3 and a half hours sleep.  Def think it's teething, none through, but will be very surprised if they are not here in the next week.  And my normal fail safe feed to sleep didn't work as she refused!  Didn't want anything near her mouth.  It's funny how she experiences everything much worse than my textbook DS did! Fingers crossed for a better night tonight.  She also seems to have the cold permanently, DS brings all the bugs home from nursery.  So I suppose until she is "well" I can't do much about it.
 
I am also still breastfeeding her, not really through choice.  Would have liked to have stopped by now but she vomits every time she takes formula.  She has reflux (no medication though) and seems ok with cows milk in solids.  Health visitors advised wait till on solids and try again which I did but same again.  So they say must be actual formula or too heavy and breast feed till a year old then straight onto cows milk.  Not really what I wanted to hear.  So I never know how much milk she takes in a day and hard to cut down at night.  Am going to wait a while till teething etc settles, I kind of think she only wakes for reasons too.

Thanks for advice, sorry for rambling, lack of sleep does that!

Nikki

Offline MommaBrooke

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #25 on: April 05, 2011, 13:12:39 pm »
Nikki,
Sorry to hear about your bad night.  I think touchy babies are bothered much more by the pain of teething than some of the other types of babies.  In a way I'm glad I have the touchy baby as my first, because now I feel like I can handle any type of baby, and if I get a laid back second baby then it'll just be a bonus!  What type of formula have you tried?  There's lots of info on the reflux board if you need some advice on the whole breastfeeding/formula issue.  Lyanna has reflux as well, but we were able to control it with a thickened formula.  She spit up a lot on two other types of formula that we tried, but she did really well once we tried the thickened formula.  I'm a strong believer that you have to do what's best for baby, but you also have to do what's good for you as well, and if you aren't happy about breastfeeding then you shouldn't feel guilty about trying to find a formula that works for your LO.  Hoping you get some better nights and some good sleep!

Offline nednoodle

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #26 on: April 05, 2011, 14:19:10 pm »
HI Brooke
We tried Aptamil formula off the shelf.  We also tried other off the shelf varieties when she first did it, but same result.  It's not really like her reflux, she has a full feed spectacular vomit!!  She doesn't do it with breastmilk, which I know is easier digested.
I am of different opinion to you, I know if I had had Zoe first, I wouldn't have had another!!  It's been really hard work for all of us (but obviously worth it).  Our family is complete now and looking forward to our kids becoming good friends and getting up to mischief!

Offline jakobsmom

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #27 on: April 11, 2011, 15:25:13 pm »
I have the same issues.  My son is a spirited/touchy baby with reflux and a milk protein allergy...so the first few months getting all of this figured out was quite difficult.  He is currently on a 3-3 1/2 hour EASY with naps still being an issue...he is four months and should be able to do 4 hours but with his reflux the shorter time frame seems to work better for him.  He is very difficult to keep occupied at times, and gets over tired very easily.  I have to admit that I am know just learning the difference between his tired and hungry cries.  With the reflux and allergy he cried a lot for the first few months and seemed like he was always in pain, but now with meds and hypo allergenic formula he doesn't seem as uncomfortable....hence why I am only now figuring out his needs :(  He needs to be approached slowly by new people, and I always have a hard time with my mother in law.  She comes over and immediately grabs him, and after a couple minutes he is full blown screaming.  He always settles when you carry him around like an airplane so she is always convinced that it is his stomach. (I think he settles because he can see us and what is going on around him)  I repeatedly tell her he is fine and go to settle him and she wont give him back to me!  Last night I had to listen to how he was tightening his legs? so had to be in pain.  She refuses to understand that he is acting strange, she always says he is too young for that.  Erg, it is so frustrating!  I have always had a hard time taking my DS out shopping and to public places, but am slowly starting to expose him by scheduling a couple of outings during the week when he is not so tired.  It can be so difficult having touchy babies, they aren't very 'portable' and friends and family have a hard time understanding this.

However, it does help to know that we aren't alone:)






*Kristen*

Offline ZacsMumme

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #28 on: April 20, 2011, 02:29:09 am »
Jakobsmom your DS sounds a lot like mine the naps being an issue, trouble occupying and tiny window of tiredness before OT sets in. I ams ometimes really scared to take DS out where there are large groups and too much noise...it seems to overwhelm him and people dont understand and just say 'he needs to get used to it' ick!

Its great to know I'm not the only one with a LO like this. DS also has silent reflux, which im sure makes him touchier! I am hoping with time he will improve. He is 6 months now and I think slowly he is getting less touchy, though he seems to need constant reassurance from me at the moment!

DO any of your touchy LOs go from a quiet grizzle or call to all out wail really quickly (esp when in bed)? - Any tips or ideas on dealing with this? - I am guilty of trying to beat the wail just because then he is so much harder to settle!
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DS1 - Our sensitive soul. Silent reflux.

DS2 Our cheeky chipmunk. Reflux, MSPI.

Offline ~Jen~

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #29 on: April 20, 2011, 09:54:26 am »
Hi, Just dropping in to introduce and find some support for my very touchy DD.  She is 4.5mos with silent reflux and suspected food intols.  I think this makes things even more tricky and her a bit more touchy  ::) . I hvae a very spirited 2yr old running around which has proved to be quite an explosive combination!
Anyway, on the subject of sleep, we have an awful time getting her to relax and fall asleep especially at BT. Once she is asleep, she is brilliant and settles herself if wakes most times but getting her to sleep is the issue. For a long time, I always thought pain from reflux causig crying but am startig to think it is missig her sleep window ever so slightly and OS/OT as day wears on.  Just curious how others with touchy babies find bedtime... does your LO struggle to relax ad calm down. Ive had to hold her tightly against my shoulder to get her to sleep after an hour of crying in my ear :P