Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2

[Ima shel Alon]

(((Hugs))).
I would suggest you start a new topic on the EASY board or the Going back on track board so you can get as many eyes as possible on your specific issue. It sounds like there is a lot going on now and I just want you to get the proper support.
Just as a side note, if he is not well there is not much that you can do but keep him as comfortable as you can. Once it passes it could be that things will go back to the way they were.

[Jessleigh]

JsMom - i can totally relate. While my family isn't quite that extreme, i do have a hard time explaining to people my 6 month old DD's sensativity. I really didn't realize how touchy she is until yesterday. (i always thought she was more spirited). But we went to the beach, and there were loads of people there for the 4th of July and i put her down on the towel (after slowly introducing her to her surroundings) and she freaked. I had to hold her the whole time. So much for relaxing in the sun. Then we had a party to go to that night. We almost never go out at night because of bedtime but i thought because we did it so rarely, we should, and that we'd get DD home just 30mins past bedtime. O MAN! She was so scared at the party (of like 8 people). I had to hold her the whole time. I hate having to explain to people to please not get up in her face. I also hate telling people they can't hold her. I feel like i'm being too overprotective. I've tried easing her into letting people hold her and sometimes she lets them as long as we take it reaaaally slow and i'm right there the whole time. But then it only lasts a few minutes before she gets her scared face and her arms go out and her bottom lip starts quivering.

Anyway, yesterday and last night set us up for a crazy OT day. only 4 30min naps, 2 of which i had to AP because she would NOT settle. Then took 45mins of crying to finally get to sleep tonight (with multiple times of drifting off and then freaking herself out with jolting awake). She even freaks herself out sometimes if her thumb sucking makes a noise as she's drifting to sleep (so sad!) . 

I feel like DH and I can never go to social events anymore! I don't mind missing out for DD's sake, but the occassional get together would be nice to attend with DD and not have to pay for it for the rest of the week. We usually just end up having people over at our place after DD is asleep. It's just hard having to say no to so many things when other friends of mine just cart their baby along and they do fine.

Anyway, just wanted to share that you're not alone with feeling like you have to be really sensitive with sleep times and outings. My DH sometimes thinks I'm coddling her too much too..but then I'm the one who  has to deal with the aftermath of her missing a sleep window or being out too late in the evening so I just have to be OK with the fact that DD is just needs things to be a certain way right now.

It's good to know that it does get better! Now that I'm seeing her touchy side come out so much more I'm getting worried about all our upcoming travels! O well...I'll just have to roll with the punches...

[Ima shel Alon]

Yes, it does get better!
How old is your DD now? Could it be worse now because of SA?
Would you consider taking a babysitter so you and DH can go out? I know it's hard...

[Jessleigh]

She just turn 6months last week. I've been afraid to try a babysitter but now that she's STTNing (thank you PUPD!) i think we'd be pretty safe if we went out after she was down at 7pm (and pray she doesn't wake to find mommy gone!) almost never wakes though (maybe once when she was OT).

We've been doing breakfast dates instead (with her). But it would be nice to get out alone. I think I'm ready to give it a try. She's had stranger anxiety since about 3months old. I have to introduce new people really slowly, unless she's in her carrier at the grocery store, etc... then she's fine and will give people big smiles.

My DH and i went on a date a month ago when my mom was in town because she was the only one i was comfortable with at the time. DD still had her paci at that point so i thought she'd be OK but she screamed with my mom for over an hour. That was before she was going to sleep independently though so i think that was really hard on her.

When did you notice it getting better with your LO? I'm feel like i'm starting to notice it getting worse right now (with getting scared of noises).

[Ima shel Alon]

I think it was around 10-11 months.
Alon, for example, liked people and was smiling and all, but he had to see them a few times and know that they are harmless before he'd open up to them. I just tried to except it, even though it was hard when you see other babies who would go to anyone and are so attached.
Fighting the touchiness will not work, this will just be not listening to one's baby and his needs, so I think your DD is very lucky to have a mommy like you who is so sensitive to her needs.
Teething can also be difficult to touchies. I mean. it's hard on most babies, but they take it quite bad. Maybe that's why you feel it's worse now, maybe something is moving under her gums.

[ZacsMumme]

I think it was around 10-11 months.

yeah same here though DS was always ok with my mum, so I was lucky I had 1 person I could offload him too
The thing is, Z is a lot less touchy now than he was, but when teething, sick or tired he goes right back to being very touchy and needing me or DH and his comforts. I guess im trying to say it gets better, but you may still find this is a problem on and off for a while

[Jessleigh]

Teething can also be difficult to touchies. I mean. it's hard on most babies, but they take it quite bad. Maybe that's why you feel it's worse now, maybe something is moving under her gums.

Possibly...i can't feeling anything yet but she's 6.5 months and still no teeth! So maybe there's something going on.

Plus we're trying to extend A times right now. Hard with the spirited/touchy mix! I'm trying to do it slowly (just 10mins extra) but yesterday we ended up with four 30min naps and a very grumpy bub.
Seeing how today goes. I'm on the naps board for help with that.

[Ima shel Alon]

My DS was so sensitive with sleep (still is when I come to think of it) that I only increased 5min at a time.

[TracyP21]

Hi, I have a touchy with a dash of spirited 7.5 month old DS - just wondering about your WD rountine - short / long?  Do your touchies have a short sleep window?  Do they need room darkened, white noise etc?  My wee chap sleeps all night but gives me all sorts of grief during the day at home in his cot for naps.  Naps fine in the carseat or pram.  Can't seem to ss during the night - end up holding him till he's asleep.  At night he does down awake and puts himself to sleep after a chat.  Sleeps 6.30/7.00pm till 6.20am in the morning without a peep out of him - I know I am very lucky.  Really want to help him during the day though - bedtime is sometimes 6.00 because he's so tired after only 2 x naps of 40 mins a day.  I have already got the nap ladies looking at this but just wanting to hear from some touchy baby mum's for any insight.  He also wakes at the 40 min mark and will not resettle with my help - its like a bit of the tiredness has been taken out of him but then he tires easily and gets progressively OT as the day goes on.

[Ima shel Alon]

We simply had no WD DS wouldn't have any of it, he just wanted to go into his room, close the curtains and get in the cot! We only had white noise later on when we moved to a noise part of the town, but till then (8m) we lived in a very quiet area so it was ok. The room was pitch black, not a crack of light, lol.

[henrysmomma]

Forgive me if this is not in the right spot but I just found this thread and have been reading everyone's posts and what a relief to know that everyone else is dealing with most of the same stuff; hence, the meaning for this thread.  Thank you!

Where can I get a more in-depth definition of a touchy baby?  I have scoured the book and just found the one or two paragraphs. Is there a general guide on how to deal with certain idiosyncrocies? (sp-sorry)

I feel that I have a touchy baby overall with a few spirited personality traits. 

[Ima shel Alon]

Hi there,
All I can find is this: The Five Types - Everyday Moments
If you read a bit back on the thread here then you can get more information about touchies, really. Swaddle, white noise and understanding that when they are very little they need more "protection" from the enviorment than other babies is pretty much the key. Most mommies to touchies find that when they get older the touchiness get much easier and it's almost like it disappears.

[*Ali*]

It's true. I actually think I need to do the toddler quiz and see if Colby is still coming out as a touchy. He is a happier chappy these days.

[nednoodle]

26 MONTH OLD DD TOUCHY/SPIRITED - ? SEPARATION ANXIETY

Hi all, am really hoping some of you with older touchy kids can help me out here.  Baby Whisperer Forum was a life saver when DD was a baby, kept me sane knowing I was not alone!  However as she got older, I found I had less need to visit the forums.  My daughter is first and foremost a touchy child but once comfortable with her surroundings and company, fits more into the spirited type.  However over the past few weeks she has changed and I want advice as to whether you guys think it is some form of separation anxiety.

DD has started making a slight fuss when dropping her off at nursery where she has been going since she was 9 months.  She loves it there and begged to go recently when she was ill so I know once I go she still enjoys it.  She has become ultra-clingy even at home which is so unlike her as like I said, she acts more like a spirited child when content.  If I leave the room for a couple of minutes she shouts "Mummy where are you?" and if I don't reply or she can't find me straight away, she gets distressed and starts to panic.  She is also asking to be held all the time "Up,up".

Worse than all of these is the problems with sleep.  We have always had problems since she was born but she has been great for ages now.  We have to sit in her room till she falls asleep (this is amazing compared to what she was like!), usually about 20 mins.  She sleeps through the night UNLESS she has anything whatsoever bothering her (eg. cold, teething etc..) then she always wakens.  When she used to just lie until she fell asleep, she is now bobbing up and down checking we are still there.  Tonight it took over an hour for her to fall asleep and she must have got up and down about 20 times.  Also she is wakening every night and just to get some sleep, we end up with her in the bed where she is still a bit restless and clings to me.

The reason I have put this on this thread and not night wakening is I need the understanding of parents with touchy kids.  If I leave her to cry etc I will only distress her more as if this is separation anxiety then I need to be there for her.  It may sound unbelievable but whenever she has been ill or teething in the past and we have taken her into our bed, as soon as she has improved she sleeps through the night again.  She never caused a fuss about going into her own bed.

I guess after thinking I had her "sussed" I am taking bad with this and not sure how long it is likely to last.  Any help will be most appreciated.  Thanks!

Nikki

[*Ali*]

I think what she is doing is a normal developmental stage. I know many people have BT resistance and wanting parents to stay between 2-2.5yo. I think a lot of it is developmental. They realise you can go and never cone back. They can refuse to sleep and you can't make them. They are gaining independence but they still want to test you that you still love them if they do "naughty" things. We had it at 27-28mo. It coincided with my older DS (who is textbook) climbing out the cot and moving to a bed. It also was a sign that he needed less day sleep to be more tired at BT.
Has your DD been on her current routine for a while and perhaps needs a tweak? My DS was on a 2hr nap for about a year and then suddenly needed it to be capped drastically
Potty training can also bring on sleep disturbances but may only be temporary. Not sure if you have begun PTing yet but thought I would mention it.
Is she in a bed or still a cot?
Has she moved rooms at the daycare or has there been a change in the staff or friends that could be upsetting her?
Just some ideas of things to consider.
Personally we went with gradual withdrawal to get out the room. So DH started sitting next to the bed, then just inside the door, outside the door, at the other end of the hallway and then could just come downstairs. It took about 2 months because we did it in 2wk stints at each stage but involved no crying at all and now DS1 is a fab independent sleeper just like he was before the trouble began. We kept to the position even for NWs and EWs and I think that really helped.
Oh another thought is that when DS2 was born that also upset DS1 to see the baby sleeping in our room and he commented on how no one wanted to sleep with him. You don't mention having another baby though.
HTH.