Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2

[Ima shel Alon]

And just wanted to mention as well that PU/PD is only for babies older than 4m and Tracey meant it to be a last resort. I personally found that PU/PD at such young age with a touchy was pure hell. If you can avoid it I would recommend that and like Sara said before at around 5-6m ST becomes easier and pat/shh worked really well for us. Still took time to work, but it did.

[candersen]

Yeh I understand about pupd being a last resort but as I said shh pat doesnt calm her once she goes past the "switch" as we call it. We have considered reflux as sometimes she just won't eat, and screams and putting her in the position to feed annoys her. Several practitioners have told us it's not though and I am not keen on medicating unless we were 100% sure. I think that is when I am trying to feed her when shes not hungry (she knows what she wants - think there is a bit of spirited in there too!!) as other times she is fine - if fed 3.5 hourly for example, she just eats no worries, but feed her before and she gets quite annoyed. Can lay on back no problem, spits up but it doesn't bother her. Has wind issues, sometimes shes hungry but can't eat cos she is full of air and by the time she gets a big burp out shes not interested at all. Think solids will be hard with her.

I think I am finding it so hard because I had a home water pain free hypno birth and was under the impression that all hypnobirth babies are calm and settled. My baby could not be further from that, I think I feel like I have done something to make her this way

[Ima shel Alon]

No, sweetie, you haven't made her the way she is, this is who she is, her temperament and character.
(((Hugs))), it's a rough patch in the beginning with a touchy, but it will get better.

[candersen]

I sure hope so cos this is wearing me down so much routine completely lost wont settle at all going to bed at 6 because exhausted. Shh pat no luck pupd frustrates her just not getting anywhere and she was going beautifully. I basically have not left house with her for five weeks and have dedicated so much time to helping her.

[*Ali*]

Oh hun. Please take her out if only for a walk or you will both go stir crazy! If sleep is bad anyway then what is the worst that could happen?

[Scottishmummy]

Is this thread still active?  I thought DS was either spirited or touchy due to his short window for sleep before crying for ages & taking sooooo long to settle.  As he gets slightly older & more of his personality emerges I'm pretty sure he's touchy (makes sense I was a very over sensitive child myself)

We're working on our EASY (posted already on main board) & trying to get A time short enough- his cues are hard to read but I'm slowly getting there- or more are emerging as he can do more- he can now intentionally suck his own fist & I'm starting to think that's the cue for WD. I'm hoping when I get that right his EASY will fall into place a bit more .

What's getting me is how sensitive he is to new things & how restrictive it feels.  I worry every time I go to meet family or friends & hope that he'll be asleep, walks have to be short & all the baby activities & groups I'd hoped we might do are on back burner.  He is so easily OS that he can seem OK but then screams & screams for hours after.  I took him into our garden for 10mins it took him 2 hours to recover (although I probably also overran his A time)

How can I increase his tolerance of activities out the house? At the moment I feel really restricted while my friends with babies seem to be able to do so much more. It gets me down sometimes that I avoid even going into the garden with him for fear of upsetting his balance.

[Ima shel Alon]

I found that as Alon got older and older the touchiness eased.
When going out to a busy place or meeting other people I made sure I am going out at his A time and am back at home for his nap (or in the car). This might be difficult to do now because he is so young and the A time is pretty short, but it won't be for long.
The baby carrier helped a lot! He was always calm in it and I knew that he will fall asleep in it when it's time to sleep. Do you use a baby carrier or a sling?
When I visited family or good friends I made sure before hand that there will be a dark place for him to nap and if they didn't have it then I just didn't go . I didn't use white noise then, only later, but I had a friend who carried the white noise machine with her wherever they went.
TBH, there is not much other than the above that you can do other than wait it out. He is still very young and you will find the balance between going out and socializing and what he needs.

[candersen]

Only now at 5.5mo is my lo's tolorence for people and places improving, it gets easier with longer wake times. It's horribly restricting and I know exactly how you feel. Ride it out! Just this week am I able to feed mine out of a dark room, and she has started to smile at strangers! If I need to go out I use the awake time before the cn then cn out in pram.

[ebmgothicgirlie]

Hello there, second touchy baby just been born 5 weeks go  nightmare. The first was diagnosed with colic now this one is as nervous as hell.

Cannot even go out in the pram and she screams or if she is sleeping I GET THE FEAR she will wake and start crying. Carseat - the same, have to play white noise to get her in it. Arms and legs flailing ll the time. Like she needs to be carried constantly. Getting her to sleep is a nightmare.

EVERYTHING is a nightmare, nap pies, changing clothes EVERYTHING.

OH except the shower/bath - loves that. Then comes the towel part and we are back to nightmare again.

Always crying when waking, always crying really.

I just want to enjoy my baby

[Ima shel Alon]

Hugs, hon. Do you have a thread to help you with your routine? Touchies are hard but sometimes when their routine is better then things get a bit easier.
If she is crying all the time then maybe there is something else wrong? Like Reflux or another discomfort? Have you consulted you ped.?
What happens when you go out with her in the pram? I know that many touchies like the sling because they feel protected in there.

if she is sleeping I GET THE FEAR she will wake and start crying.

Sweetie, I can so remember this and I am going to be super gentle and ask if you think you might have PPD? I had it and I found the crying extremely hard. It was basically him and me crying all day long, mostly in the evenings Do you get a break sometimes?

[ZacsMumme]

((((Hugs)))) do you have a wrap? I really recommend them. Baby can be ON you, but your hands are fee. You can pop the paci in and go for a walk and she will sleep I'm sure it's right where they feel safe and you an get out.

[ebmgothicgirlie]

Thank you both, she refuses the pacifier 110% WILL NOT have it. Gags, gets angry, screams. We have bought 5 different types. I have just ordered some latex to try though as we have only tried silicone.

Yesterday I decided to try a bit of studying with her. I shush patted on my shoulder until she was calm, almost asleep then I layed her down and shh patted on the side whilst she lays on our bed (impossible to lay her on her side in our moses basket, ropes hanging from the ceiling and a slightly dipped weaved mattress, I just cannot get into it) So I then shh pat her for around 20 mins ... watching her progress in that 20 minutes seeing her almost wake herself up max 3 times so when she gets too upset I take her back up and shh pat her my shoulder again. It happened 3 times then she was dead asleep after around 20 minutes from starting this.

The first time I did this at the 20 minute mark when she was really asleep, I moved her to the moses basket. Watched her and lo and behold, 21 minutes later she kicked jolted and woke up very very upset (she had only slept in 20/30 min naps all day ... was clearly knackered) So I picked her up and tried to shh pat on the sholder again but she wasn't having it. So yet again we had a very upset, overtired, shattered little girl.

I took her up for a bit seeing as it had taken a while to calm her down before that 20 mins of shh pat on the bed so we were into the next feed and she was awake very unhappy again.

The after around 30 mins I could see my chance to swaddle again and go through this process again (putting to sleep) trying to study what she does, what cycle she wakes at, if I can help to WTS, if she is repeatedly waking at the 20 min mark should I WTS at 15 mins?

10.30pm
I tried this. We did the same procedure, luckily, I feel she is getting better at Shhh pat if she is not too wound up. My only concern is they way I do it is shh pat on the shoulder until she is relax and eyes closing THEN I lay her down and shhh pat for around 20 mins - waiting for the max 3jolts so I can then take her up again if they happen and shh pat again on the shoulder (hey it's working right now so hopefully this isn't frowned upon, she is not asleep but in REM light sleep, I have to get her used to what's happened and trust me)
This time there were no jolts whilst laying on the bed. I shhh patted for the 20 mins so I KNEW she was asleep. I actually left her there for 15 minutes because I thought THEN I know she is really asleep and I can catch the 20 min catnap maybe if she changes cycle with the move at 15 mins to the moses basket from the bed.
This time instead of a jolt and waking at 21 mins - there were just cute baby noises. She actually didn't wake until 1am which I am shocked at. Then woke at 3am then 6am. When she woke I would feed as I knew she was hungry. Only problem being she wasn't very good at being put back in the moses basket, little bugger loves the heat and contact once in bed with me and sleeps so well. If I put her back in the moses basket she wakes as it's not warm like the bed was. She always 'goes to bed' in her own bed though.

Basically last night the second time round with a WTS at 15 mins seemed to work (although I am not too optimistic as so many things we have tried and they have failed the next time we try them. I also got given some gripe water yesterday we started with.

Today is a weird one. She woke at 7am, and fed. Then she fell asleep on me (which is quite rare but she has started to do this more often, hey! she's falling asleep in REM I am happy with 'something') so managed to put her in the carseat as I had to do the nursery run with my 3 year old. First time she got upset so I took her out and shh patted her on my shoulder. After one minute I tried with the carseat again - everything was ok, she stayed in REM. We then got into the car, everyone had to be super quiet, hair dryer MP3 was on in the car to to help her stay asleep - and she did. Carseat out of the car to nursery, hair dryer MP3 on my phone next to her and she stayed in deep sleep. Took her back in the car and drove to the shops to buy dinner, went home, she was still in deep sleep.

Odd thing is ... today she has been been sleeping almost 98% of the time since 7am (it's now 12.15pm here in Norway) Sometimes deep, sometimes just relaxed. Shh pat has worked wonders today and she has been a really relaxed baby. Had a little Gripe Water again with a feed at 7am.

As for the mention PPD, I could have. Husband is pretty unhelpful right now. Is trying to finish building the shed in the garden, says IT NEEDS TO BE DONE, not getting I am am having a hard time juggly this touchy one and the 3 year old. If I ask for help he seems to act peed off or like I am being 'unfair. We have argued quite a bit. We have no time for ANYTHING. I think you're right though. I have a doctors appointment next week for my 6 week control. I shall talk to the doctor about it as my husband just shuts off and seems to feel he is the one getting the rough end of everything.

Will do good to just think now I should talk to the doctor and try not to argue with my husband. I can't get him to understand how I feel so I will talk to the doctor.

I am raising a glass of orange juice to the fact I have managed to dye my hair whilst she has slept a lot this morning. Think she has needed it from yesterday.

thank you so much for your replies again X

[Ima shel Alon]

WTG mommy! It sounds like you made a very good progress.
It does take a while to figure out how YOUR baby likes to fall asleep. I don't think that any baby fits the book exactly and we just need to adjust things to work for us. Remember that it takes a very long time to now the ins and outs of a person and you only know her for 5 weeks!
(((Hugs))), hun, I hope you can get some support from the Dr. and perhaps even find a way to talk to DH about how you feel.

[kreamtee]

Hi all,

Sorry to cut in on all the conversations about sleep (much sympathy there!), but just wanted to introduce myself.

I am mummy to a lovely 11 month old touchy baby boy. Think we should have guessed he was going to be touchy by the reaction he had to having his face wiped when he was born - made the theatre staff laugh!

I think our little one spent his first 3 months in a state in which his startle reflex was permanently active! From that point on we had huge problems with him becoming overtired and overstimulated (I remember having to rock him to sleep in a Sainsbury's car park for 45 minutes making sure his head was covered (safely of course) as seeing anything at all seemed to be too stimulating for him when overtired) and many many hours of rocking him to sleep.

Thankfully now he naps beautifully (as long as we stick with his routine!) but have had some issues with night-time settling (which I have posted about elsewhere, and think is all to do with him now not needing as much daytime sleep (bizarre after all the problems we had with overtiredness).

There are a few questions I have for other mums (really it is just lovely to know that there are others who are also facing the challenges of raising a touchy baby):

1) My little one still does get quite upset in new situations/with new people/in overstimulating situations. As he is getting older, his cry has turned into more of a shout/meltdown, which I find really difficult to deal with, particularly as I sometimes can't predict which places he will/will not like, e.g. he loves a huge soft play place I have taken him to recently, particularly watching the other kids (and there is bags of room there). I wonder if it is the soft decor there (carpets etc.) that means it is less noisy than it would be which helps, as he cannot stand food shopping (tolerance = 3 minutes max in Morrison's!) and hated a cafeteria/soft play place I took him to last week at a children's farm place. I guess I wish sometimes I could take his "touchiness" away from him, so that he would enjoy life a little more (I know I shouldn't really wish that, and I do love him dearly)... I guess I do suffer from the "I must be a bad mother" syndrome and I struggle with the thought that am sure other mums must think so too! Does anyone have any helpful strategies for dealing with these thoughts/feelings?

2) I am due to go back to work in 3 weeks and have been doing some "settling in" sessions at the nursery, who don't like parents to stay at all for these. Needless to say he has pretty much cried his way through 5 sessions now (some babies only need 2, and our little one is due to have another 6), and not slept at all (!!!). Not quite sure what to do for the best, as I know I am already coming across as an overanxious mother, by trying to give the staff little tips about how to manage him best etc. Horrible to see him unhappy... I mean, I know that little ones can find nursery distressing initially and not just the touchy ones! I guess I am hoping that someone has some reassuring words about their touchy baby learning to love nursery!

3) I think some of our little one's frustration is because he is not mobile yet - he only rolled over at 10 months and now pulls to stand on me and walks with me (no balance!), but hates tummy time and therefore no crawling yet. Have been trying to "teach" him some of these skills, but it usually ends in tears! He easily gets frustrated/bored playing independently (until last week he could only really manage 2 minutes maximum on his own... however I realised that perhaps I was interfering a bit too much, and think he does do better on his own, if I don't jump at every fussy noise he makes)... If anyone has any wisdom to share here also I would be really grateful....

Anyway lovely to "meet" you all - great to have found this thread....   and many thanks for listening! 

[ZacsMumme]

Hugs. My first was so touchy as a baby and it was so so hard. But, he is now amazing! They do outgrow the touchiness...a lot of it by 15 mths or so and the rest becomes manageable as you can explain to them, and help them through it.

Honestly...I didn't go out much to places that were loud, bustley and/or potentially claustrophobic. The park was our friend, he loved e swing,and playing inch the bark. So I would often pick take away coffee cup with a friend and head to the park. Typically outside is always our friend. If Z melted I removed us both from the place and calmed him. I also used a paci...a lot! He needed it.

I learnt to say 'he is a sensitive baby to noise and too many people, he is just feeling overwhelmed' I learnt to t throw him on the ground with other babies playing, and keep him on my lap till he choose to venture out. I ALWAYS had snacks once he could eat. Food is a good distraction!

Frustration is hard. Z had it a lot. Once he was walking who h he did young (crawled late for like 1 week then walked ) he improved a lot.
Sorry, a bit of a rant.
I guess my main tip is get outside when you can, lt him touch the grass and dirt, play with pegs and push a ball around etc. he may surprise you and play well out. I was so surprised how much Z was NOT interested in toys but loved being out. Things like feeding ducks, sand, swings, sticks, leaves, YK?