need nap help! 18 months old

[LucySol]

im so sorry you are having to go thru this.i know that crying sounds so bad to you cos you are his mummy and it hurts you to hear him but tbh that really didnt sound too bad to me.He wasnt sounding hysterical,he just doesnt want to do it by himself.

i know it must be so hard but i really think you will have to just stick with it till he passes thru this and then hopefully things will settle down again and his naps will start to lengthen.im sure the short naps are cos he is so OT and also has got used to you patting him.

stick with WIWO,and tie you hands behind your back to stop yourself patting him!!!! Gentle (((((((((hugs)))))) Jo.its hard to hear your baby cry when you know you could just stop it with a pat xxxxx Be strong!

[Tweakster]

Jo that cry is exactly what Finn does, as it escalates and wanes, escalates and wanes, it's not I need you it's I WANT YOU IN HERE NOW or WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING???  It's so so hard when we are so affected by their cries, I get the adrenaline rush and the hair standing on the back of my neck when Finn cries, but honestly he does not need you in there.  He is just really really tired, his body is full of cortisol and it's so much easier if you just stay in there and assist him with sleep.  He needs to re-learn how to do it on his own.

What about if you put some ear plugs in to mute the sound?  Or if you don't have ear plugs put on your iPhone with headphones on a very low volume with your own soothing music.  You will still hear him, as we do, but the effect won't be as bad.  It will be like Caleb-lite.  And therefore it won't get YOU as upset which will help you to do some sleep training with more confidence.  If you are really upset and getting angry etc. then Caleb can tell and he won't back down, as JC says above, consistency. 

Hugs my friend, it's so hard when they just fall off the wagon like this.  It's not supposed to be this way is it???

[mimi1017]

Hugs to you Jo it is very hard to do this. Just some thoughts...it seems that he is OT and he's definitely making up for it at night (which in my case my dd hardly ever does unless she is slowly catching up) and because he is having such a long night then he has almost reached his total sleep for 24 hours.  My dd started doing 12.5 hrs total no matter what! So if she was doing less I knew she was getting OT.  So let's say he's waking at 5am, then do nap at around 9:30/10 (yes it may sound crazy, but hear me out lol)..he'll probably only nap for 30 mins. if he had a 12 hour night (he'll probably be really grouchy in the afternoon but snack him, take him for a walk, etc.) and put him to bed by 6pm. I know that sounds like a loong pm A time and it is, but hopefully with the short am A it gets him a bit rested to get through a long day and he'll probably do an 11.5 hrs night because he'll be slightly OT for bedtime, but then he'll make it up the next day for his nap (hopefully with 1 hour nap), long pm again till bedtime 6:30 the next day.  This worked with my dd because she was having these crazy short naps and EWs around that time, and it was because she was requiring less sleep in 24 hrs. Once I caught her up for 3 days though with longer naps (1.5 hrs max. is all she did), then the EWs continued, then it was time to push her morning A to 5.25/5.5.  I sort of went from starting at 4.5 hrs. during and after 2-1 transition at 13 months to 5 hrs. around 18 months, then back to 4.5 hrs. to get her caught up like what your lo is doing now, to back to 5.25 around 21 (yeah it took me a while to figure it out..pff!)  HTH

Regarding the WIWO, for my dd it would enrage her more for me to go in and comfort her so I modified it to that I had to close the door, count to 30 if cry was consistent, open the door if she continued and say "shhh..shhh...sleepy time" (that has always been our cue). It lasted for 30 mins. the first time I figured it out to just stay by the door (gruesome!) and then another time I had to do it for naps and just stayed by the door, it took 10 mins. and I haven't had to do it ever since.  Right now she is going through separation anxiety so she cries when I lay her down, but I leave cheerfully and tell her the cue and leave.  She wimpers on and off for a min. or two but then nods off.  Something to consider as well that he may be going through SA.

Whew! sorry so long, but I just wanted to share my experience.

[*Jo*]

Thanks ladies, I put him to bed at 5pm and he slept through without waking till 5.50am!!! So nearly 13 hours!!!
I can't do a short A time today as we are going to playgroup and I have to go as I help out there and we won't be leaving till 11.30am, he will fall asleep in the car so I don't have to worry about getting him to sleep.

That cry he does is just awful, I swear it sounds worse than that

[*Jo*]

ok here we are at the nap situation, after a 5.50am wakeup, we went to playgroup, he fell asleep in the car at 11.45am, i transferred him from the car to the cot at 11.55am and hes been screaming ever since! usually the transfer is flawless, he stayed asleep on me, i put him in the cot and he just lost it as I closed the door....

So a 10 minute nap??? this is ridiculous

am now doing "talk outside the door every couple of minutes" because there is no "calming down" period where i think he might settle, otherwise I would be constantly trying to settle him

[*Jo*]

Oh my goodness, i feel so bad. I went and re read the WI/WO guidelines and saw this : When he cries, count to 5/10/15 seconds (timing dependent on your child and his cues), walk in, lay him down and comfort him briefly and walk out again regardless of whether or not he is still crying. Repeat as necessary. If he stops crying during your count, do not go into the room. If he starts crying again, start your count over again.

He had been screaming for 45mins at this stage with me talking to him through the door or going in to lay him down every couple of minutes. I changed my tactic to the above, waiting only to the highest count of 15 seconds, then i would go in, put him down and say the phrase and leave. I only had to do it 3 times and then he stopped. If i hadnt have read that he would still be screaming right now. what he needed was for me to keep coming in, in short bursts of time, not leaving him as long as I had been.

I feel like crying, what a waste of our time, what a lot of horrible crying Caleb had to go through, if i hadve read the guidelines earlier instead of just doing it off the top of my memory this couldve all been avoided. its only been about 5 mins but its all silent in there, I think hes gone to sleep. I feel just awful, horribly horribly awful.

Now the other question is that how long do i let him sleep? if he did such a long night last night should i only let him sleep an hour (if he doesnt wake up earlier that is)

I just want to go in there and cuddle him, let him know that Mamma isnt going to leave him again 

[georgeo]

Be proud of yourself for re-reading the guidelines, you could have continued with what you were doing for so much longer and not known.   <<<<<<<<<<<BIG HUGS>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[koe2moe]

oh Jo, big hugs!!!  we had to do so much and try to read as much as possible with so little energy left in us.  Don't beat yourself up on this one.  We are all learning   :* 

[alohahellokitty]

Hi Jo, well I'm here to drop off lots of ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

As you know we are in the SAME boat. SA and teething these horrid canines seem to go hand in hand.

Anna is the slowest/most painful teether I've ever known.... so I don't have much advice for you. But hang in there, its is not fun times.

Sometimes I honestly cry b/c I'm just asking God 'why me'. I know what sound super selfish but seriously it took her 2 1/2 months to get a SINGLE canine in. And we are only on #2 at the moment. There is a 3rd bubbling up at the bottom. But she gets stuck in this serious OT cycle that I CAN'T get her out of when she's teething. She does the same 12-13 hour nights and 30 min naps. She has atrocious behavior during the day and is so exhausted.

Its 1am right now and DH (he's in town right now so that's great) and I are taking turns on her NW'ings. I also have baby LO who just started teething. I was up last night twice with him. DH is currently laying at the foot of Anna's crib as we speak. That is the ONLY way she will go back to sleep right now. And I of course can't do that when he's not here, b/c I can't hear for baby LO in her room.

I know the exhaustion and utter frustration. I told God 'I give up' a few months ago. Its all too much sometimes! I TOTALLY understand that!

[babybarr]

More ((hugs)) Jo.  Believe me we have al btdt with things when we were desperate and doing things from memory.

Hope you're ok.

[*Jo*]

thanks, i am ok, when he woke up from his nap i got loads of cuddles from him so i felt better (doesnt that sound selfish! lol) but at least i know now that tomorrow if this happens again, which im presuming it will, i know what to do.

Liana - I definately feel for ou with two little ones teething!!! how horrid!! But these canines are just unlike any other teething weve been through (that I can remember anyway)

I was just so confused that how can he sleep through the night with no assistance yet the nap was such an issue. oh well, i feel a bit better now knowing ive found something that works a heck of a lot quicker than what i was doing

[Tweakster]

Jo cut yourself some slack hon.  You are really doing the best job with Caleb and ensuring that you never leave him to CIO.  Even in the worst case WI/WO scenario he knew you were there, that's the point.  Also sometimes we do have to tailor these methods to what works with our LO - as part of Tracy's message is to follow LO.  So for us to go back in so often would really really rile Finn up.  We are better off to leave him to do his thing.  It doesn't last nearly as long.  If we go in too often, he will cry for upwards of an hour or more.  He doesn't back down.  So you find what works well with your boy and go with it :-)

Very pleased to hear he had such a good night, cleaning up OT is always the best foot forward so keeping fingers crossed for a great day!

[alohahellokitty]

Yes welcome to the club misery. so glad u found something that works

[*Jo*]

well perhaps i shouldve held my tongue on the STTN thing, i was up about 12 times last night! starting from around 9.30pm till 11.40pm and then again from 3am to 4.40am! I did WI/WO at the early morning session and thats just how long it took. at one stage I turned the ducted heating on because I was freezing and as soon as I did he fell asleep, the whirring sound of the motor running mustve helped him, but then, 15 mins later just as I was closing my eyes he started back up again

then he was up for the day at 5.40am so a 9 hour night in total with the NW's. I just wanted to cry being up for that long throughout the night, I got about 3-4 hours sleep all freaking night!! So i have no idea what to do with today seeing as the night was so ridiculous. Im not going to be home to put him down for a nap, DH will be so its up to him, but i think its gonna be a nap at 10.30am?

[Tweakster]

What if you just put him back down as soon as he's tired?  With a night like that I think he might need it.

Hugs Jo, it sounds really tough :-(  Was he hurting do you think?