WHY DOES MY SON KEEP REGRESSING BACK TO NW'S

[exhaustedmum]

hello everyone
I used this very helpful forum during the first two years of my son's life. I am back again in need of help and a night's undisturbed sleep!! My son is now two and half years old. Using the pick up put down method he eventually began to sleep thorugh the odd night at aged 15 months. Since then he has gone through periods of sleeping through (about ten hours a night) for about two weeks. He then seems to regress and has frequent nw's for about 3 months. Then it reverts back to the 2 to 3 week period of sleeping through. I have thankfully got to the stage when he will go to sleep by himself when first putting him to bed at night. However when he wakens at night he either calls out for me or gets out of his toddler bed and comes into our bedroom. I try to return him to bed and comfort him verbally and with hugs however he becomes increasingly hysterical the longer this goes on. I have to admit to either bringing him into our bed or giving him a bottle of milk following which he happy to go back to back to sleep in his own bed.

Both my husband and I work full-time. My son goes to day nursery full time. His routine looks a little something like this:

Between 6:30 and 7:30am he wakens
Goes to nursery between 8:30am abd 5pm and takes and hr and halfs nap at 12 noon
between 6:30 and 730pm he has dinner, bath and gets ready for bed
between 7:30 and 7:45pm he has a story and winding down time. He is then left to go to sleep. It can take up to half an hr for him to go over by himself  - at its worse it can be 9pm before he will go over.

Any ideas on how to get him back to sleeping through would be great.
Thank you

[babybarr]

It sounds like he may be a little over tired.  He doesn't take a massive nap and has a very active day at nursery.  Have you tried an earlier bedtime?

[exhaustedmum]

hello babybar
thanks for your reply. I am off work on holidays next week so will try an earlier bedtime although it is hard to speed things up at present by the time we get home from work and nursery it cna be 6pm sometimes then to make a dinner etc sometimes its just not possible to get him to bed any earlier but I am willing to try anything at this point!! Will keep you posted. Thanks again

[babybarr]

On nursery days could you skip the bath, just to a wash down - I know it's not ideal but would save some time.  We don't do bath every night and def don't if DS is tired.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Laura xx

[Charlotte74]

Does your nursery not offer dinner? as that would help.

I have just got my 2 year old twins sleeping through the night they were waking a few times each in the night and i would do what you did give them milk!

I have now stopped them going to bed with milk and dummies and when they wake have not ben giving them milk it only took a few nights to get them back sleeping through the night. They would cry and i would leave and they would eventually go back to sleep.

How about trying to put a stair gate across your sons door so he cant come in to you? its worth a try.

Fingers crossed he will be back sleeping through the night

x

[Jann]

My son is 34 months old and going through the same thing.  He asks for milk and he wants to come sleep with me.  I started 3 days ago just telling him no and go back to sleep.  It takes usually 5 min and the he is back to sleep.  Last night he told me he wanted me to make him safe.  I went in to see him, tucked him in and he insisted i sit on the end of the bed, i didn't, he freaked, then he said he had to pee, we went to have a pee and I told him firmly to get to bed and that was it.  I will only let him have a pee and that is it.  We tackled called backs at bedtime and ew the same way, a firm no and get back to bed.  No more  mr nice guy!!!!  Things will most likely fall apart when we go on vacation but at least i know i can get back on track.  be consistant it is worth it.

[exhaustedmum]

Hi everyone
thanks so much for all your advice. yesterday in nursery my dear son only took half an hr's nap so needless to say he was very tired when we picked him up. Unfortunately it took almost an hour to get him to sleep. Was 8:45pm before he went over and he was very unsettled, crying on and off not wanting me to leave the room. I took a bit of a stand and sat on the end of his bed instead of lying down beside him which I have done in the past. He woke at 3:30am came into our room. I caved in and brought him into our bed and he was asleep within mintues. Ironically I had to waken him at 8:15am today as he showed no signs of stirring.

Really think he is very over tired and has been for quite some time. Plan to try giving him a wash down instead of a bath to see if that helps cut down on the time it takes to get him ready for bed. I have a question though.....I usually offer my son some supper before bed, normally cereal or some toast. Should I continue to do this or try to cut that out to to save time? He normally says he wants supper even when he eats his dinner (some days he's not interested in dinner at all). I am thinking though is this another method of him trying to get more time with me rather than a physical need for food? My perference is to give him supper so that i know he's not going to bed hungry.

Any advice would be appreciated. thanks in advance x

[babybarr]

Does he have dinner at nursery then before you pick him up then or do you mean he has dinner when you get in and then supper later?  If it's the first you could always offer a light supper type thing in the car on the way home - a small sandwich or finger food, that'd help.  If it's the second then I would just offer him something small as you're reading a book in the wind down or something. 

I think you are really going to have to be consistent with him otherwise he won't know whether he is coming or going.

[exhaustedmum]

Hi babybar
It's the second one..........he has dinner when he gets home then supper later on as part of his wind down Had a nightmare of a day yesterday. Our saturdays tend to be busy with trying to get the weekly shop done then visiting the grandparents. We were late getting to the supermarket as we had unexpected visitors first thing. Needless to say when we got to the supermarket my DS decided that he wanted to walk instead of sitting in the trolley. BIG MISTAKE! He thought it was highly amusing to run ragged around the supermarket up and down aisles and then lying down on the floor laughing. Of course this ran into his nap time. By the time we got home we had missed the window to get him to nap and he went into hyper mode! On top of that my DS had awful runny nappies yesterday making me think something was up. He normally falls alseep in the car at nap time but despite being in the car yesterday longer than usual he fought his sleep the entire day. Following dinner and a quick wash (he didnt want any supper) he went to bed. Am glad to say he was asleep by 8pm which is an improvement of late however he is back to not wanting me to leave the room. to top it all off he starting wakening at 11:30pm then every 40 mins thereafter until I gave up at 3am and brought him into our bed. Even at that he spent the rest of the night until 7:45 tossing and turning keeping DH and me awake.

have to admit yesterday was just a disaster in terms of sleep and his behaviour. Please help. Am feeling like I've lost control of my DS routine and sleep.Really feel I need to start all over again. Any ideas on what works best with sleep training a 2 and a half year old. Should I use the WI/WO method or the GW?

Sorry to offload all of this onto you but needed to get it off my chest.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
VERY EXHAUSTED MUM x

[babybarr]

Don't be sorry anyone of us would feel like that after yesterday.  Waking every 40mins indicates that he is probably teething (runny nappies) or he is not well.  Today I would give meds before nap and before bed. 

When he is well I would recommend wiwo if you want quicker results.  You are going to have to stop him coming into your bed too - although I can completely understand why you did last night.

Can you just refresh my memory with what nap and bed time you are doing at the mo?

You'll get there, we just need to double check he's not poorly first. (((((hugs)))))

Laura xx

[exhaustedmum]

hi laura
thanks for your reply. Well it transpires my little one is teething. He pointed out his "sore teeth" as the molar at the back coming through. Having been giving him meds over the past 24 hours which seems to bring temporary relief before he starts chewing his fingers and asking for his dummy. Have had a slight change to our normal routine this week. We have taken an opportunity to go away to a caravan for a couple of days (not great timing when I really think about it!). Last night it was 10pm before my DS went to sleep. He had two brief wakenings at 3:15 and 6:15 before wakening for the day at 8:15am. In writing this I realise that this brief holiday is not going to really help with his poor sleep at present. For example, my DS eventually went down for his nap today at 4:30pm and is still asleep. However when we return home on thusday I hope to re-commence the sleep training and start the WI/WO for the NW's.

My DS attends day nursery full time. He has a nap at 12 noon (as do all the children) and usually sleeps for an hour and a half. By the time we get home, have dinner and prepare him for bed it is at least 7:30pm when we start to wind down with a couple of books in bed. My DS also likes a bottle of milk before settling to sleep. Depending on his mood and the success of trying to get him over to sleep on his own (which he can normally do) it can be at least 8pm or at its worse 9pm before he will drift over. After the night wakenings which can range from one on a very good night to 5 or 6 on a bad night he will waken somewhere between 6:30 and 7;30 for the day.Weekends are a busy time for us all, trying to squeeze everything in before returning to work on Mondays. As a resukt I find it very difficult to always getting my DS` to nap without having to resort to driving him around in the car.

Someone had suggested cutting his evening bath down to a wash down which I have started to do and this has saved some time in terms of getting him to bed a small bit earlier as I know that he is very overtired.

My plan is to start sleep training again on Thursday night on the understanding my DS is no longer suffering from teething pain. Do you think this is the correct thing to do or have you any other advice. Am getting to the point of not being able to see the wood for the trees. Have to admit to thinking that by this age my DS would be sleeping soundly all night every night!! However it is comforting to know that there are other mums and dads out there who are experiencing something similair and that I am not the only one up half the night.

Thanks in advance for your help and understanding

exhausted x

[babybarr]

I def think wait till you're back.  Enjoy your holiday and don't worry about the sleeping.

When you're back though I think you need to commit to the wiwo at nights, but also trying to give him a consistent nap at weekends - even if it's only one of the 2 days.  It sounds like we need to get on top of the OT.  I think you need to try and get him in bed as close to 7pm as you can - although I realise this is tough.

Drop me a line when you get back.  Have fun.

Laura xx

[exhaustedmum]

Hi laura
we are back from our brief hols and I managed to stick to my decision about restarting WI/WO with my 2 and a 1/2 year old son last night. As usual he wanted me to stay in the room and lie down with him whilst he went to sleep but I stood strong and explained that I wouldnt be lying down with him anymore and gave him some verbal reassurance that I would still be around if he needed me. Right on cue as I started to leave the room the tears started. I left him for about 20 seconds before going in and comforting him again. This happened two more times then he got out of bed the third time. Yet again I took him straight back to bed and gently explained that it was bedtime. A fourth attempt at crying out followed by a brief verbal reassurance and hug from myself and few half hearted attempts to cry out for me (which I ignored as he wasn't crying) and my DS fell asleep on his own within 20 mins. I cant believe it only took four attempts to reassure him before he went over. Now it was 8:30pm before he finally went to sleep on his own but it was a start. He slept through till 5:30am at which point he came into our bedroom asking for a bottle of milk. Yep at this point I did get him a bottle of milk and yep he did want to spent the rest of the night in our bed but I stood firm and carried out WI/WO 3 more times before he got the message. Am pleased to say he slept thru to 8:30am and woke up happy!

I know that this was only the first night of trying to sleep train him again and that in many respects perhaps I shouldn't have got him a bottle at 5:30am but the fact he slept thru from 8:30pm to 5:30am and then again from 6am until 8:30am was just amazing! My DS does not start back to nursery full time until monday by which time I hope to start trying to get him to bed and asleep a bit earlier.

Any advice on what to do if he should awake tonight (which I have no doubt he will at some stage) and asks for a bottle? Should I just concentrate on getting him to go asleep by himself at the start of the night in his own bed first of all and then tackle to bottle or should I just go cold turkey altogether and refuse to give him a bottle during the night??

Thanks in advance
x

[exhaustedmum]

Just to update you..............in need of more advice. Tonight while putting my DS son to bed the number of WI/WO increased to about 10. I was kinda of expecting this considering he settled well last night with only a few WI/WO's. However, after the first few WI/WO's my son's crying turned into "mummy mummy" call out. He wasn't crying per say but rather "whining" mummy mummy if that makes sense. I was a little unsure whether to respond given he wasnt actually crying. I was in two minds about whether this my DS's attempt to lure me back into his room for something silly or a genuine need for reassurance. I held off for about a min before going back in when he was calling out. Again I reassured him verbally that all was ok and gave him a hug before saying goodnight and leaving. This happened about 5 times before he went to sleep on his own.

What should I do about these call outs of "mummy mummy?" Should I just ignore them whilst doing WI/WO or give my son reassurance that all is ok?

YOur advice as always is much appreciated.

Thanks
x

[babybarr]

Wow!  I think you have done a great job so far.  With the mummy thing (this I find really hard too) I'm trying to only go in if it escalates.  So if he's just repeating it over and over I wouldn't worry but if he starts to "panic" that you're not there then go straight in.

I personally would not give the bottle.  I think if you're gonna do it you may as well go the whole hog and do the lot!  It'll be tough but at least then you won't have the bottle battle later on.

How was last night?