Evening crying going to tear family apart please help!

[mummytootoo]

We have a toddler who is a dream. Goes down at 7pm, and always has. Now we have added to the family and our new dd is 11 weeks old and her whole life she had had a fussy 3 hours in the evening. I have her on a 3 hour easy during the day but come 6pm ish she is inconsolable. I'm convinced she is tired but she won't go to sleep. My DH is currently driving her around so I can go take a shower. We are both at each others throats all the time and I'm sure it is because we are both so exhausted from trying to soothe the baby every night after a busy day (him at work, me at home with the 2 lo's). We are barely talking anymore because we are so horrible to each other when we do. Please help me sort out my dd's evening crying sessions. If we could have some peace in the evenings I am sure we could get ourselves back on track.
Help!

[besjoux]

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles but do understand. Both of my DS's have or had this occur. Unfortunately, time does help. Your DD is already 11 weeks and the crying should subside signifantly soon. I'm curious to know of your routine though. Could she be OT by evening time?

[deb]

How long is she napping? Ho many naps per day? This sounds mostly like OT to me, and if she's short-napping she'll be a mess from mid-afternoon onward.

Also, any signs of reflux? Reflux and short-napping made our family's lives a living hell for 3 months till the reflux was diagnosed and treated and we got help extending short naps.

Can you post your EASY so we can have a look? When she wakes for the day, eats, and naps, and how long each nap typically runs?

[Bex09]

I am new to this too so have no advice but wanted to send hugs. We have a DD who will be 11 weeks on Mon. You are not alone in the arguing hun, I posted on the relationship forum about this this morning. It is so hard when sleep deprevation kicks in isn't it? Try to keep smiling and I am sure things will get better. xx

[mummytootoo]

Thank you all so much for the support. It helps just getting your responses.

She does have reflux and is on comfort milk and gaviscon which helps. During the day she is upright in her chair/swing/carseat and she has little naps and wakes up a lot I think her reflux is still causing it.  Here is her routine...

Her E - She finishes upto a 7 oz bottle in 15 mins through a variflow teat because it is so thick. She is having 7 feeds in 24 hours
Her A - sitting upright in her chair watching mummy and big sister and playing with her activity centre and I talk and sing to her
Her S - She'll fall asleep and wake up a lot during naptime, sometimes she'll cry so I'll give her a dummy and she may or may not fall back asleep. Sometimes I have to give her dentinox colic drops as this seems to soothe the pain from reflux and she'll fall back asleep

The timings are like this:

E - 7am
A - 7.15 - 8.30
s - 8.30 - 9.30
Y
E - 10am
A - 10.15 - 11.30
S - 11.30 - 1.30
Y
E - 1.30/2pm (she does go a bit longer before getting hungry at this time of day)
A - 2.15 - 4.30
S - I try to get her to nap at this time of day but it is really hit or miss now
Y
E - 5pm
A - 5.15 - 6pm
Bath - 6 pm
S - Nope.....just hours of crying
Y - No chance! 
E - anything from 9.30- 11pm
S - 11.15 - 4am
E - 4am
S - 4.15 - 7am

The routine is all screwed up but she doesn't nap well and gets OT and then cries. Hope you can help me straighten this out. The whole family is suffering including the poor baby!

[besjoux]

When you mentioned "E - anything from 9.30- 11pm" does that mean you cluster feed? Have you tried her last naps (the one at 4:30 or so) in a dark quiet room? She may need less stimulus. My last baby also loved DH and I to go for a walk and put him in the front carrier. It really helped his fussy time. However, this baby won't deal with the front carrier as it's too hot outside. I have found that a dark quiet room is really helpful. We also LOVED using one of those exercise balls. We'd sit and bounce. Also, TV is often the problem. I have found that the TV on causes WAY too much stimulus.

[deb]

If her naps are so restless, it sounds as though the reflux pain isn't fully controlled with the colic drops so she's feeling the burn when she's horizontal and the acid comes up. I'd be looking into stronger meds for the reflux, because if she's in pain there really is no point in sleep training. Your only other option really would be to have her sleep upright, like in a swing or carrier with you wearing her, but that would be a HUGE job to wean. But the restless sleep is going to lead to OT by early afternoon at the latest. Believe me, I have lived this and it was one of the darker periods of my life until we got her naps sorted and the reflux pain treated. That's when we actually got to know our little baby girl.