Food throwing - I'm losing my mind. I need it to STOP!!!!

[Tweakster]

Have you tried no highchair? Just push the seat to the table? This age we also were pretty close to no booster. I found the more Kaleb was like us better he behaved. He wasn't a baby and didn't want a high chair lol. There is also more sides to throw off.

This is where we are at too.  It seems to be working 'better' not perfect but certainly less throwing and dropping than when he had his tray.  It's nice to have him at the table too - feels like a real family meal :-D

[Mashi]

You must have extremely tall kids!  If DS sits at the adult chairs his nose is barely above the table - not a very comfortable way to eat....means he needs a tray on his lap, which would be a booster, really! (And my DS is in the 90th percentile for height!)

[Tweakster]

Hmm he's on a booster but it just slides up nicely to our table - we do have a pub table though.  The booster still has a back to it, we just take the tray off then pull it up to the table.  It's the perfect height really.  Actually we had to lower the booster a bit.  Are you using a high chair or booster with tray?  If you can remove the tray can you pull the high chair up to the table, some are adjustable for that reason. 

[Tweakster]

Yeah we have him on normal Corelle plates & normal fork here too.  He does tend to throw the stuff like his sippy, his baby cutlery etc.  He occasionally bangs the other around but it's loud and he somehow knows that it needs to be treated with more respect.  He really eats better since we stopped using the tray.  He forks his own food now too, which makes dinner a slower process but it keeps him really busy and thus less time for throwing!

[Mashi]

He eats on normal plates (most of the time) and most of the time uses "adult" utensils. No steak knives because we don't have them/use them anyway. 

I guess I am not understanding saying to take him out of his booster and put him at the table but in a booster? Isn't that the same thing? His tray is removable and sometimes he sits with his chair right up to the table and other times he has the tray on, doesn't make a difference.

[Shiv52]

Maeve is still in her booster at the table but no tray.  We did try her sitting on or kneeling up on a normal chair but it was  nightmare.  Yes I know she has to learn to sit up but the up and down throughout the meals was driving me mad so she's back in the booster and pushed into the table. NOt worth it when eating is the important part. She sits absolutely fine in restaurants on a chair so I'm not worried.  I'm just not prepared to make it a daily battle!! When food throwing was a daily occurence here where she was sitting wasn't a factor either. 


So have you decided on a plan?  Would he throw if you set him up on a picnic blanket on the floor?   One piece of food at a time and then meal over if he throws at all?   

Is it all meals?

[Mashi]

Yes Shiv to me a child sitting in a chair is like a child moving to a toddler bed - some kids might do it at 2yo but others might not do it until 3.5yo ... you can't do it until your child is ready and if it is just swapping one set of problems for another then there's no point.

I sort of have come up with a plan...atm it does not mean that DH agrees with me on it!!  We have to talk this weekend and decide what he is willing to agree with me on    That said tonight was not too bed - I think we had one bite of pasta tossed onto the floor but only one so better than most nights!

When you ask if it is all meals, yes, it's all meals as in it could happen at breakfast, lunch or dinner; is it all meals as in will it happen EVERY time we eat, not necessarily.   We eat breakfast in the living room together, sometimes we sit at his little toddler table together and other times we sit on a blanket on the living room floor - he'd just as easily reach into his bowl of cereal and grab some and toss it as he would a handful of chicken at dinner time. 

Basically I am prepared to tackle it Claire's way - if he throws it gets picked up and put in his hand again and again until he can put it down on the table nicely.  If we sit there for 2 hours then so be it.  I just have to work out the logisitics of what to do in different situations - ie/ when he throws cornflakes for the fun of it, how to make this "work" iykwim? Any thoughts?

[Shiv52]

Be prepared to have good patience!!!

Claire's approach does work.  It can take time and persistance but it works really well.  I think you are right to be thinking of all scenarios.  I used a similar approach with one of my pupils ages ago and one day he threw a packet of scrunched up crisps and oh dear goodness the mess.  We were doing a 'you will not throw anything' and had to get him to pick up every last crumb (while trying to move them out of the way when he wasn't looking)!

With mini-mashi i reckon once he gets the idea he'll stop the throwing.  I can't imagine he'll like having to just put it down and you being very calm etc.   

You do know though once you sort the throwing that he'll come up with a new trick very soon right?!!!!!  Maeve's latest (besides the mind numbing whining) is trying to unravel a whole roll of loo paper and put it in the toilet before I notice!  Mini-Mashi's too clever not too!  He'll be thinking 'yeah you may have worked out how to stop the throwing but now I'm going to x'!!

Yes Shiv to me a child sitting in a chair is like a child moving to a toddler bed - some kids might do it at 2yo but others might not do it until 3.5yo ... you can't do it until your child is ready and if it is just swapping one set of problems for another then there's no point.

Exactly!!  Maeve is still in her cot bed and i'll not be removing the bars for a long time yet!!

[LucySol]

i have a thrower here too! Tho its just when she has had enough so i just take it away! Not as simple for mini mashi cos he wouldnt care!! We get throwing utensils too..she wants to eat with her hands! Do your lo's use utensils? thats a big battle in our house!

i hope Claires way works and that DH agrees with it! Good luck with that one!!! :-D

Oh for the record D is still in her cot and a booster to the table....no way could i attempt no booster...i need straps to keep her where i want her!!

[Tweakster]

Sorry I think I was confusing.  Finn is indeed in a strapped booster, it's just pushed to the table and he's at the actual table than with a tray.  It's not a huge difference i.e. tray vs. no tray, but yet it seems to be to him.  He eats better and throws less. 

[~*Nicole*~]

Mashi-This is surely infuriating! Will he eat his food if you don't put any in front of him and essentially you feed him? Just wondering if he'd respond to not having the big boy privilege of eating himself when he throws. Although, then he may not eat at all. Ava would likely still take bites so if she threw I could remove the food from in front of her and still probably feed her and have her eat.

[Mashi]

Nicole, you sure you don't already know the answer to this one  ?  He will spit the food out of his mouth, into his hand, and then throw it.  (Yes, fave foods too....get him down to pick it up and he will eat his half chewed food from the floor and ask for more!!!)

Writing that out, I almost want to laugh, because it's so frickin "AAARRRRGHHHHHHHH" but honestly, that's what he does!  It is as if somewhere along the way, someone told him that food is meant for throwing, and that it's fun and we all do it....it does not matter what you try to do to stop him, he's determined and will find a way!!!!! I need to send him back to the shop for re-programming!!

Lucy - you are right, if we say "ok then you're done, down from the table" he sort of thinks that's a reward...so that's another one I need to stop!  He does use utensils, most of the time but I am not strict with them. He knows how to use them and hes very good at using them but for foods that he wants to dip (he will eat most meats dipped in tzaziki) it's hard to spear with a fork and dip and not have it fall off, so he uses his fingers, etc.  Peas, corn, things like that are easier to pick up with fingers than to try to stab with a fork or not have them roll off a spoon, and so I am really lax about utensils - whatever is the easiest way to get food in is how we do it. I realise that there is an opportunity for someone to say "if the food is in his hands it's easier to throw" but even if he is eating with a fork he will reach onto the table or bowl or MY plate to get something to throw. 

[my3girlsjde]

We had BIG throwers here too And it didn't matter if we got upset or not because they had each other to goad them on.

They were in strapped boosters with trays for a long time and I can vouch for how messy a meal of rice can be   They WERE a lot better when we took the trays away and pulled them up to the table, but still threw from time to time. The only thing that remotely worked was non-emotionally taking the bowl away and continuing with supper. It wasn't perfect and it took well over a month. Now they sip their juice and spit it into their food. Soooooo frustrating! So hard not to react but the only thing that remotely works for us is to calmly remove the ammunition. If they make a fuss, they go into the living room while dh and finish.

Sorry not much help. I think some times it is developmental even if it seems that they are kust coming up with new ways to drive us nuts lol. I know consistency is the biggest thing but when it goes on for months at a time it can be very trying. I had a friend who had great success with her and dh calmly walking out of the room and finishing their meal elsewhere. It took 2 frustrating weeks but they did it and never said anything to their DD. They just cleaned it up after the other parent took her to play/bath/tv etc. They had patience!

[Mashi]

We had BIG throwers here too And it didn't matter if we got upset or not because they had each other to goad them on.

OMG I spit my tea out!  The only thing worse for me is imagining TWO of him!!! Im sorry to say I am laughing but I hope it is laughing with you

Now they sip their juice and spit it into their food. Soooooo frustrating!

OMG YES!!!!  We get this here, too. And again, I can't imagine what it would be like if there were two of him - you must have more patience than I can ever imagine!!!!  I should have mentioned that earlier, it's not just food throwing -- he will take a drink from his cup and then lean forwards or over the side of the chair and open his mouth so it all rolls out.  WTF is wrong with my kid?!?!!!    Glad he's not the only one though!!!

So hard not to react but the only thing that remotely works for us is to calmly remove the ammunition. If they make a fuss, they go into the living room while dh and finish.

Sorry not much help. I think some times it is developmental even if it seems that they are kust coming up with new ways to drive us nuts lol. I know consistency is the biggest thing but when it goes on for months at a time it can be very trying. I had a friend who had great success with her and dh calmly walking out of the room and finishing their meal elsewhere. It took 2 frustrating weeks but they did it and never said anything to their DD. They just cleaned it up after the other parent took her to play/bath/tv etc. They had patience!

I think that the "calmly" aspect of this is what I need to work on. I can have the best intentions to be calm but it's the same with consistency - it's one thing to say "be consistent" and another to try to deal with this for months on end (I know it was already a long-term problem when we went to England at the end of March so that's 5 months and I'm thinking it's probably been more like since November ish?) So 8 -10 months of working on something and the issue is not consistency! But you are very right that I need to be calm about it..... We did for a while just completely ignore it but we still sit at the table to eat, if we were to get up and walk away he would try to jump out of his chair and then the only place I'd be eating is in the hospital emergency room. But again it's something I can talk to DH about and see if we can work with it - between Claire and you and Shiv I think I might be able to come up with something.....I will definitely keep you all posted too!

[teilvnav]

Mashi, how would you feel about just laying down a hard line with him? He throws a piece of food, and he is done for that meal. His food goes away and he gets down, and that is it. I don't know, I almost hesitate to ask that; I don't know if I could do that with Nathan. But do you think it would work? Maybe if he gets put down hungry after a few times, it would stop.