3 y.o. NW's - need major help!

[newmama12]

My dd is 3 years old (almost 3.5). She has been waking up multiple times per night for the past year. YES! A whole year! We are at our wits end - especially with a new baby in the house now. Sometimes, there's a pattern to the wakings, but most nights there isn't. We do not know what to do about them! We can't break the habit (or whatever is going on). The first waking seems to be a nightmare. So, we go in, tell her it's ok and to go back to sleep and she does after a minute or so. In the past, I've just always gone in every time she's cried (even if it's 5x per night!) b/c it's quick and easy and she always goes right back to sleep. However, a whole year now of doing that and we are no better. There has been no improvement. She has probably slept thru the night less than 10x in the past year. 

Any thoughts?! By me going in there for the past year, is it now just habit? Should I just let her cry and, with any luck, break the cycle after a week or two?! I have no idea! It really is affecting her behavior during the day. She doesn't nap much, at all, and all these night wakings are messing with her sleep. She's crabby and horribly behaved most days due to lack of sleep (IMO).

Anyone have any ideas or have gone thru this?! Please help my baby sleep thru the night again!

[momtonb&ab]

what does your day look like ?  what time does she wake and sleep?  does she nap?  does she cry out for you in the night?  are you using a monitor?

sorry for all the questions, just hoping to get a better picture of whether this is an OT issue, a habit, or something else.

huge hugs, you must be exhausted.

[newmama12]

Thank you for responding! Her typical day looks like this (give/take 30 minutes):

7am: wake
7:30: out of bed (she never gets out of bed until I get her. Even if she's up at 6:30 and in there playing for an hour!)
7:30-10: eat breakfast, watch some tv, get dressed, clean up a little and head out for a few hours
10-12:30: usually out of the house
12:00/12:30: lunch
1:00: put her in her room for nap/rest. If she sleeps, I wake her by 3ish. If not, I get her out of bed around 2:15 so she rests a good hour in there.
2:30-5:00: play, watch tv, run more errands, do projects and things in the house
5:30/6:00: dinner
6:30: bath, books, tucking in
7:00-7:15: bed if she hasn't napped. Usually quick to fall asleep.

She usually wakes anywhere between 6:30-7am. And goes to bed around 7/7:15pm. She hasn't napped in about 2-3 weeks. But gets rest time in her room. Yes, she will cry out for me at night. The first waking usually is 2-2.5 hours after she goes to bed. It's usually a nightmare. I can tell b/c of the way she is screaming/crying. She's usually babbling about something and then tells me it's a bad dream when I go in to her. After that, it's all downhill most nights. She'll just wake up randomly crying. We've not been going to her when she's just minor crying and not screaming. But she will cry out for. I do still use a monitor even though my dh wants to get rid of it. I feel bad b/c I feel like I should be going to her, so I don't want to get rid of it. At the same time, we have a big problem with these night wakings. My dh thinks most of the nw's are just for attention.

Let me know if you need any more info or have other questions! I appreciate any insight that all of you can give.

[momtonb&ab]

so i have a couple of initial suggestions. 

when our little ones stopped napping (at about 3 yrs 2 months) we had to back up bedtime to about 6:30 (they wake between 6:30 and 7) and for a few weeks (about 6) we had a lot of night wakings and early wakings until we got them backed up some nights to 6:15 until they caught up.   could you do a couple of weeks of 6:30 at the latest bedtimes?  a 12 hour day really mattered again when they stopped napping. 

also, if she wakes consistently between 2 and 2.5 hours after going to bed, could you circumvent that waking with wake to sleep?  have you tried w2s before?  if you can avoid that first wake, i would be interested to see how the rest of the night goes.

also, we were surprised what scares our little ones.   we do let them watch treehouse, but even some of what is on there (arthur, some scenes in dora and diego) was scary to them.  maybe changing what she watches would help?

[newmama12]

I have thought of putting her to bed earlier, it's just so hard! But I think that might help, so I'm going to do it. She really needs to catch up on her sleep. It's 4:30pm here and she's so exhausted (no nap again and up a ton last night). I have not tried w2s, but I should read up on it and and give it a shot, as well. We need anything to help!

I hadn't thought of the tv shows making her have nightmares! Good point! I will keep an eye on those and see. Thanks for the input!

[momtonb&ab]

I hadn't thought of the tv shows making her have nightmares! Good point! I will keep an eye on those and see.

it's hard to know what will get them.  addison was afraid of a train in a tunnel in Dora, cried about it for a week.......so what you think is ok may actually be scary.  what we started doing was always sitting with them when they watched - i know i know - who has time for that.  but if i don't have time to sit with them, we don't watch so that i am sure the content is ok with them.  you can feel it in their bodies when they stiffen up.

early bedtime is SO hard with life going on around you, but i promise promise promise it will help.  it really made a difference with our LOs. 

and wake to sleep if that first waking is a bit of a habit may help. 

keep us posted!

[gemma2313]

Its amazing the little things in kids movies that can scare them and give them nightmares..  I have a friend whos child (from 3 - almost 5yrs) couldn't watch "Finding Nemo" without bad dreams.. She used to have to skip the first chapter where the mother and all the baby eggs die...

Also my 2 yr old cries during DUMBO!!! when the mummy elephant gets taken away he sits and watches with tears streaming down his cheeks.. .no nightmares and loves watching it but always cries during that part!!

We went through a short phase where my 2yr old was waking... We know do a de-briefing before bed. Basically get him to tell us in his words about his day (given that the words are limited "car".. "park"... etc) but it might help yours???

[spodnic]

I found TV revved up my LO (even if he was sitting there quietly watching it), so we have no TV after 4pm. Just a suggestion!

Now my LO is scared of the dark, it's taken a month for him to verbalise it but the behaviour has been poor for twice that!

Feel for you as it is so tiring night after night.

[M2M]

I am going through the same thing, my newborn sleeps better than my 3.3 year old!!!  My DS has not been a good sleeper since day 1.  So, just offering hugs and letting you know that I am sleep deprived right with you!

[Bug-a-boo]

My DS is about the same age.  We got him a 'soothe & glow seahorse' for bedtime. Basically a little stuffed seahorse that plays music and lights up with you press it's belly. He loves it and I often hear it going in the middle of the night. He wakes up, turns it on and goes back to sleep. He also has used it as a flashlight to find his way over to our room on occasion   It seems to help him but himself back to sleep during the night without calling us. Just a suggestion. Hope you get things sorted out soon!