to go in or not to go in?

[*Jo*]

Calebs been having NW's for well over a month and a half and of course hes been sick for most of that time so I just put up with it. Hes been well for over two weeks now. The thing is he hardly cries, just moans loudly or cries softly.. all he wants is for me to come and retuck him in most of the time but the broken sleep is just killing me, hes having up to 4 nW's some nights. I tried leaving him because of the old "if its not an I need you cry dont go in" it either continues the same sound for ages or it turns into a loud cry. One night between 2-3am he moaned and moaned and moaned and it just kept waking me up so I eventually went in and lay him back down and tucked him in.

tonight he woke at 9.15pm and moaned and moaned and moaned and then eventually it became a bit more a a real cry but still not an "I need you" just an "I want you" cry. So I go in at 9.30pm, lay him back down and leave... presto he goes straight back to sleep.

SO what do I do to stop these NW's? He hardly sleeps much during the day so I dont get much of a break and I need to stop having such broken sleep. At first I was like "well at least Im not up for hours, he does go straight back to sleep" but its really ahving an affect on me, DH sends me to bed for a nap in the afternoons now

So what do I do? or should I just learn to live with it for now?

[Mashi]

We go through this during pre-teething times - DS moans and cries in his sleep in the night and will go right back to sleep as soon as I go in and touch him.  I do still go in to him, I guess it is personal choice - for me an "I want you" cry has the right to be met, if my son wants me, I want him to know I am there for him, even if it is inconvenient for me.  When we go through a time period where it is happening often enough that I am not functioning (I am very high sleep needs and getting up 2x a night for 3-4 nights will completely wreck me!) I put the spare mattress on DS's floor nex tto his cot and I sleep there - that way at night I can either reach my hand through the cot and pat him or mumble in my sleep to him.

[*Becky*]

Jo,
If it were me..I would leave him. I think unless he is distressed and only you know that cry then it is better for him to self settle. He probably likes the comfort and reassurance that comes with you going in but it sounds like he does not really need it now (as long as he is well, if he is ill it is a different matter)
I do think things become habits so much more at this age and part of the NWings may be down to knowing he will see you and you will put the blanket on. So if it were me unless he was sick, I would be getting a bit tough now.
Hugs, I know how tough it has been for you lately xx

[*Becky*]

Mashi and I posted at the same time so there you go...2 different kids and 2 different opinions. As always Jo, go with your gut feeling. I know when DS really needs me and when he is ok to be left to settle himself, it is a mummy gut feeling xx

[Tweakster]

I think it's a gut feeling, if your gut is telling you to go tuck him in you follow it.  He's an independent sleeper and you have followed BW forever.  So if his crying makes you put feet to the floor then I think it's something you need to respond to.  If you lie there questioning it a lot, then he likely does not need you and really, as tough as it is, I would also leave him.  If you can be sure he's not sick or teething that is.

[jennyandgraham]

Calpol before bed for the days where DD gnaws the furniture.

[saltyqueen]

I would at least attempt to leave him for a night or two because that may put an end to it. Right now he gets the comfort and pleasure of seeing his mom in the middle of the night, if only briefly, so he's getting a payoff. And payoffs lead to habits.

I hear your anguish and were find it wrenching, as well. But both you and he need your sleep and need to move on!

[babybarr]

From a mum of an eternal NWing child - I would leave him unless he is getting upset you *have* to go to him.  It is hard but he will definitely let you know if he needs you do not worry about that.  I expect you may find a lot of the moaning is in his sleep, so try and sleep yourself.

[*Jo*]

So what about when it's no longer moaning? It has become a real cry and he's upset but it's still not a "need" cry it's just a real desperate "want" cry. I figured doing Wi/wo but it only takes one Wi/wo and he goes back to sleep but this still happens night after night.

Welll he ended up coughing most of the night and he's got a green snotty nose so I guess he is sick. When will the sickness end?!?!

[babybarr]

If he's sick hun you know what you have to do   Maybe he has been more unsettled cos he has been getting sick?

If it escalates I would probably go in - sorry that's not much help

[alethiaperry]

Ugh.  again?  poor little guy and poor momma.  That changes how you respond.  But when he's not sick.  Quick in, tuck (no kiss, no key phrase, no pat, no eye contact) and leave.  No eye contact or words really is no attention to a child. You probably already do this.  It works here, but each LO is so different.  We generally only have NWs with teething or sickness.  Hope he sorts himself soon.  Here's to sleep

[*Jo*]

yep, well last night he only woke once but thats cos I went in to shut his window (it was a hot night) and he woke up, i quickly left the room and he moaned for about a minute and put himself back to sleep, he slept all night! the only thing different was that he ran around the house like a madman playing with his Daddy for about half an hour before bed. i was really worried about him being all hyped up as I try to get him as calm as I can before bed but he was laughing and playing so hard he was sweating and red in the face! he conked out for the night and slept through!! tongiht we are trying the same thing, hes running around playing now and then we are gonna put him to bed and hope for the same results. maybe he just needs to burn it all off before bed???

[Katet]

We go through this during pre-teething times - DS moans and cries in his sleep in the night and will go right back to sleep as soon as I go in and touch him.  I do still go in to him, I guess it is personal choice - for me an "I want you" cry has the right to be met, if my son wants me, I want him to know I am there for him, even if it is inconvenient for me.  When we go through a time period where it is happening often enough that I am not functioning (I am very high sleep needs and getting up 2x a night for 3-4 nights will completely wreck me!) I put the spare mattress on DS's floor nex tto his cot and I sleep there - that way at night I can either reach my hand through the cot and pat him or mumble in my sleep to him.

That was totally what we did & I can tell you that until both of mine had cut their 2yo Molars I rarely got good nights sleep & there were times that DH did say "hello stranger" to me in the morning because it was the 3/4th night I'd not slept the whole night in bed with him.