Getting him to the table...

[Tweakster]

Ok so on to our next battle.  Daycare is now giving a snack before I get there to pick Finn up.  Fine, makes my life easier because he's not hanging off my pant leg and screaming at me while I get dinner ready.  The snack is really a few crackers or some Cheerios or what not, nothing big.  Trouble is now he gets home and only wants to play and no interest in dinner really.  I make it, I put it up, I pull his chair out, etc.  But he refuses to come to the table now.  Arrrgh.

I'm not going to drag him kicking and screaming so typically if I am also eating I just say 'well mommy is eating her dinner now, you can join me when you are ready' of course that means the food is cold and whatever by the time he thinks about coming over.  Or if I am not eating it's hard to get him to come over because he just shakes his head and says 'no no no' when I ask him to come and eat.

I assume this gets worse too right? lol 

Tips? or just some Friday hugs?

[Mom to M&M]

Can you ask daycare to give him less of whatever it is? Or maybe they can make it something healthier like fruit - that way if he eats less dinner at least it was a good snack?

Matty does this lately with dinner too. I think it's partially cause he's getting too tired and past the point of hunger sometimes. I actually now give him a few ounces of his bottle in his high chair - like 4 ounces of half water/half milk. It gets him in his chair and calmed down and then he usually eats a fair dinner as well (as long as it's something he wants and his mouth isn't hurting too badly LOL). My SIL does something similar but instead of using a bottle she entices her 2-year old twins to the table with a bit of fruit and then they seem more willing to stay and eat some of their meal once their are sitting there anyway and in the eating mindset.

If that doesn't work I'd keep with what you are doing and/or make dinner 15 minutes later so he has a tiny bit of time to play first?

Otherwise, Friday hugs all around!

[momtonb&ab]

we really had to stop snacking after 3pm in the afternoon to make them hungry enough for dinner.  can daycare give snack earlier?

otherwise, friday hugs for sure.

[Colin Macs Mom]

That's an ongoing issue for us with Colin's daycare as well Wendy. Not to mention that it's never something healthy either.... The other day she wanted to give him a package of poptarts! I've struggled with it because he is genuinely hungry at that time but he needs to eat his dinner! So, normally he gets something very small, or a piece of sugarless gum. Just a couple bites of something really, and that's helped a lot.

[Tweakster]

Well we started sending a snack cup because they kept telling me he was starving and watching the other kids snack...last night on the way out he stopped to eat some girl's Cheerios that had fallen under her chair...so they think I'm not feeding my kid!  They snack them at 3/3:30 after the nap and then again at 5.  We are not eating until 6:15 - 6:30 most days.  It helped because then we had time to get some dinner going.  And when he finally does get up and eat he really eats lol  Cleans his plate normally except for those things he just won't eat. 

I'm not sure if it's that he's not hungry but rather more behavioural and he always has trouble making transitions and switching activities, so it's getting worse.

[Mom to M&M]

In that case I'd probably do a combination of sending a smaller snack (puffs instead of cheerios - lighter and less filling?) AND maybe giving him a few extra minutes before dinner - and maybe using a timer to cue that it's time for dinner? So maybe he can play when you get home for a bit, warn him it's dinner time when the timer dings and then when it rings, sing out dinner time and race him to the table or something?

[Colin Macs Mom]

Do you let him know that dinner time is coming? Like "Dinner will be ready in a few more minutes... Dinner in just a moment.... " etc. ?

[Tweakster]

Yeah, I always prep him for EVERYTHING.  I try to make him look at me which is very hard to do lol but just so I know he's paying attention to what I am saying, which we are still not 100% sure he's really listening and understanding.  But I say 'I'm making dinner, it's almost ready, we are going to eat soon' then give him a play by play as we go along and then eventually say 'ok time to eat' pull the chair out get the bib etc.  He just ignores me.  I am going to go for the timer next.

Also running anywhere means you end up running all by yourself, looking back and he has gone in the other direction lol  He doesn't want to race - he only has his own agenda.

When MIL was over she suggested that we just walk away when we were out somewhere and he refused to come or follow us, all that ended up doing is sending him the other way lol  We'd then have to turn and run and chase him before he got into something dangerous.  She was surprised because it always works with kids when they think you are leaving them somewhere.  

Even last night he wouldn't come in the house - I eventually had to close the garage door because the cats were looking to run out, eventually I had to go back and just carry him in screeching because he just refused to come no matter what I did.  He's pretty persistent, independent, all that jazz.

[Colin Macs Mom]

Colin is the same with stuff Wendy, it really makes life interesting eh? It does get easier when they're older and you can have a conversation (erm argument?). It's so much for frustrating for everyone when he can't just tell you what's going through his head. We've ended up settling on "it's fine for you to have your own agenda but you need to tell us what it is so we can work with you on it so we all get what we need" sort of thing.

[Tweakster]

So many times I have raced him to the car, or up the stairs,  etc. which ends up with me doing the running and him off examining something lol  I look like a fool lol  Ah well, I do hope it does get a little easier when he's verbal.  At least he can say 'not hungry' or 'want to play Playdoh' or whatever.  Then I can tell him that he'll have to eat his dinner cold because I only heat food ONCE.

It kills me though because he's so independent yet he doesn't want to play by himself ever.  He needs an audience at all times lol  I'm just like 'if you want to be independent then go all the way buddy!'  But no.  Independent on his own terms it seems. 

[Mom to M&M]

Then I can tell him that he'll have to eat his dinner cold because I only heat food ONCE.
 

Really? You wouldn't reheat his dinner for him? TBH I'd be more than happy to re-heat food for my kiddos - better than then getting into the cook a special/separate meal route. DD almost always chooses to eat with us but sometimes she just isn't hungry at that time or doesn't eat much but then wants more later. My rule is just that she has to at least let me finish MY food before getting back up to reheat hers LOL.

OK so racing doesn't work. But maybe when the timer goes off it's "dinner time" in a sing-song voice and then you scoop him up and pretend you are a train or a horse or whatever on the way to the dinner table?

[~Sara~]

I feel for you, Wendy.  I really do.  The whole trying to give a verbal play-by-play, letting him know expectations well in advance, and then having to go pick him up and remove him from a situation or bring him someplace...ahh, the age of discovering autonomy.  It's lovely, eh?

Wish I had some great piece of advice that has helped, but I think it's a matter of staying the course and weathering the storm.  

Jess, can't wait until those kinds of conversations can take place and not just shrieking and crying

[Tweakster]

Well I don't know.  I am not a restaurant lol  I work all day and come home to make him a meal that he only eats a portion of and now won't even come to the table to eat.  It's my job and all and I don't begrudge that but I feel like dinner has a certain window of time to be eaten in.  When he's old enough he's certainly allowed to reheat his own food :-)

Right now things are just too tight between daycare, getting home, eating and wrestling this kid into bed.  Allowing him to choose when he eats may just be too much for me.  I'm a very delicate flower at the moment lol

[Shiv52]

{{{hugs Wendy}}}

Is there anything he is particuarly interested in that he can do in his chair?  So you could get him in there for 5 minutes or so before you serve dinner so thats half the battle done?  Maeve used to like cutting fruit or veg or whatever we were having for dinner or have a bash at buttering some bread.  Least that way the transition to the table is done and there might be more chance he'll be ready to eat dinner when you put it infront of him.  

Would F understand 'its time for dinner' (after all your countdowns etc) and if he doesn't come, if you said 'its time for dinner, you can come over yourself and climb in or mummy will have to help you' and if he doesn't come himself, just lift him.  Worked with M as she really preferred to do things herself and was devastated if I had to 'help' her.  Now even the mention of me 'helping' has her running to do whatever it was I asked.

The only other thing is to be aware of how many warnings you are giving.  From a busy toddlers point of view, if he's playing away and hears you saying 'i'm making dinner' then 'dinner is in 5 mins' then 'yum pasta for dinner' then '2 minutes to dinner' then 'ok dinner is ready, over you come' in his mind he may just have hear 'dinner' again and doesn't realise its the important instruction to listen to KWIM?  

I like the timer idea too.  So when you get home you could say 'mummy is making dinner while you play' then set the timer and say 'when it buzzes bring it to mummy and its time to eat' and thats as much chat as you need to have about dinner.  You may very well find he'll respond better to that.

I definately used to chat way too much and i definately think I became background noise.  Once I became more focussed on the instructions I wanted her to follow M actually starting tuning in much better.  

{{{hugs}}}

[Shiv52]

Loads of posts since i posted!

Coming to the table for dinner is one of my 'musts'.  Its ready, its hot, now is the time to eat it!  So I get that Wendy.  I do let her faff a bit more and do picnic style lunches etc but I just think its good to get into the habit of mealtimes being family time and not negotiable. 

I give maeve ALOT of leeway, as am sure you do Finn but there are some things are just 'rules' in our house.  Come to the table at mealtimes, hold hands crossing roads, keeping arms in carseat straps being 3 of the bery few we have.  Not so much to ask!