12MO standing in cot, unable to self-settle, will only fall asleep in arms

[aislingeb]

Hi, I'll prefix this by saying DD was never good at self soothing. DD is a spirited baby and we had a lot of difficulty settling her in the early months. We tried a number of things - swaddling, soother, comforter/lovey (soft cuddly toy, also a blanket), different rountines - it was shush/pat that finally worked and even that took a lot of time and effort. Around 7MOs DD finally learned to self soothe, that lasted for about 3 months until she was able to move around in her cot.  

DD is able to roll over, stand up and move along the bars in her cot.  We have tried PU/PD on a number of occasions (since DD was 6MO) and each time it has been disasterous.  As soon as you settle DD and put her back in her cot she screamed (in the early stages), now she screams and immediately stands up again.  As we repeat the process, she gets more upset each time and it takes longer to calm her down.  The only way we can calm her is to rock her in our arms and shush at the same time until she finally begins to nod off.  Then myself or my husband will put her into her cot and on a good day, DD will go off to sleep.  Most times it takes a couple of attempts at the above before she finally goes to sleep.

I have tried different routine 'times' and the one DD is on at the moment (S at 10 for 30mins and at 2.15 for 1-1.5 hrs) is the one that seems to work best as the EWs are getting better and most nights there are no NWs unless DD is teething.  DD's activity is approximately 3.5-4hrs.

I think it is a bad habit that we have let DD get into, yet I don't know how to break it.  Any advice would be really appreciated as DD is getting bigger and much stronger, and it has become even more challenging to get her settled particularly if she wakes in the evening after she has gone to bed.

[babybarr]

Can you also post her wake up and bed times?

Have you tried just sitting in her room and telling her to lay down?

[aislingeb]

Thanks for your response. DD's schedule is along the following:
6/6.30 wake
10 - 10.30 S
2.15 - 3.15 S or upto 4pm on a good day
7/7.15 S

I've tried standing beside the cot and telling her it's sleep time but DD pulls herself up and starts crying, each time the crying gets louder and she becomes more hysterical. It took over an hour to get her down tonight.

[babybarr]

Have you tried shortening that first nap to 20mins and bringing the 2nd nap forward to allow more time before bed to see if she's just a tad UT at bed and this isn't helping?  Or try a later bedtime for a few days.

[aislingeb]

I'll try shortening the first nap and bringing the 2nd one forward.  We did try a later bedtime but that didn't work.  It's not only going to bed when DD will stand up in the cot, it is also at each of her naps - everytime we put her down for a sleep she stands up, cries and wants to be in our arms.  I really think it's habit, that's why I would like to get DD out of it sooner rather than later.

[Shiv52]

Just an idea but my LO went through a really unsettled period when she learned to pull to standing and then she just thought it was great fun to stand up.  I actually posted on here about it!  Initially I just left her to it and resettled if she got upset.  I did this for about 2-3 weeks and it really didn't work for my DD.  She was never going to suddenly decide that she had had enough of standing up and just lie down and go to sleep and in the meantime was getting totally OS and OT which made it really hard to settle once I did have to intervene. She is spirited and just couldn't work out how to wind herself back down enough to go to sleep. 

In the end I used to put her down for naps and bed and tuck her in very tightly (I had rolled up towels between mattress/blanket and cot bars to help hold the blankets in place) and i sat beside the bed.  The second she started to try and get up I put my arm across her and said 'its time to sleep hun, sleepy time' and didn't let her get up.  When she stopped trying I moved my arm back but was ready to put it back if she tried to get up again and kept repeating my 'sleep time' phrase.   The first nap she was not a bit impressed and cried as I wouldn't let her stand up and it took about a half an hour of her trying to get up on and off before she went to sleep.  Next nap much quicker and after 3 days I started moving back out the door and that was that. 

Just thinking if you think your DD is in the habit of doing it (thats the way it was here too...was just something she did the minute she was in the cot) breaking the habit and reteaching 'sleep rules' may help. 

HTH x

[KirstenGrice]

My DS Just got out of this same habbit 2 weeks ago. For so long our schedule was very messed up, and of course like yours he wouldnt go to sleep unless i rocked him and sung to him, i had to be right there with him for him to be soothed, and it to took a long time to actually get him to sleep because once he was asleep in my arms, ide lay him down and he was right back up screaming. I dont do the WI/WO method, right now were into the gradual withdrawl.
From what your schedule looks like, she is probably UT, Thats alot of nap!! I understand that you may wanna do 2 naps a day, but try shortening them and letting her try and get more activity time in to maybe get herself more tired for bedtime.

Do you have a routine? Like with my son i do the EXACT same thing a night and he picked up on it very quickly, bathtime and then he knows right after that hell get his teeth brushed, and then massages and pjs and story time, keeping a routine like that lets him know its about to be night night time. If you have a certain routine then good!

Does she have any types of soothers besides you? Like bottle or blankey or a stuffed animal maybe?

[aislingeb]

Thanks a million to both of you for your advice and help.  I'm am so relieved that somebody elses LO is like mine, I was really beginning to feel like I had done something very wrong that DD can't settle herself.  Like that I can't see her just deciding to lie down and go to sleep - (last night she screamed the house down for 2hours in the middle of the night, she only stopped when we picked her up and held her in our arms). The idea of tucking DD in very tightly and not letting her get up makes a lot of sense.  I will try this tomorrow.

Rountine wise, I'd love her to be at the one nap stage. The problem I am faced with is I have to pick her brother up from school at 1.30, hence the reason for DD's nap at 10am and then late nap at 2pm.  I'll try shortening her naps to see if that helps, if not the next step will be to try one big nap probably around 11.30am.  We do have a bed-time routine that we stick to nightly, we also have soothers (blankey and cuddly toys) but DD doesn't have much interest in them.  I've a couple of new toys that I will give DD and hopefully she will take to one of them, I think it really would make a massive difference.  Hopefully soon DD will start self soothing, and things will get a little easier when it comes to settling her.

[KirstenGrice]

My DS does a one nap a day routine. He was waking up at 6, and then bedtime at 10-12:30!! And then awake untill bathtime at 6:30 and bed at 7:00!!!  That gives him 6.5 hours, of being awake and it makes him much more ready for bed!! Maybe you could try if other things dont work doing one nap around the same time ive been doing my sons and see if you can keep her awake during the rest of the day (if possible of course) So that she is nice and sleepy during your bedtime routines and Maybe instead of letting her cry or WI/WO, Give the gradual withdrawl a try. She may fall asleep faster with you just sitting in there with her then she will with the WI/WO. And i only say these things because My son just got out of this habbit and now bed time is sooo easy because of these exact things!! Maybe all she will need is to know your there!! Its worth a shot!!