Power struggle with 16mo old & mealtimes

[jeneldobko]

My little guy is 16 months old & mealtimes have turned into a fight.  But only for me.  Not for daycare or my husband (when I'm not around)

As soon as he sees a spoon coming to him or something that doesn't 'look right' he turns his head & shakes no.  He won't even put anything in his mouth if he doesn't recognize it or at least to give it a try.

At daycare (lunch) he eats EVERYTHING and she says he's a bottomless pit.  Daycare spoon feeds him pretty much all his food.  And she said that if he turns his head & does the 'no', she turns his head back, sticks the spoon in & from there on he eats like crazy for her.

Come supper time we can't get him to eat anything, one theory is that he just isn't hungry b/c his main meal is lunch.  But when we're home for weekends with him it doesn't make a difference.  He still won't try anything new.  I've always given him something else to eat b/c I just wanted him to eat SOMETHING and couldn't let him go with nothing.  When I was away for a weekend my husband got him to eat whatever he put in front of him with no tantrums/crying etc.  I tried the 'daycare method' of turning his head & putting food in but he freaks out & that doesn't work for me, yet it worked for my husband when I was away.

Should I stop "putting out the buffet" for my little guy? And what I give him is supper, no pre-bedtime snacks (aka his supper) until he realizes that I'm like daycare & dad? 

[Tweakster]

Hi there, kids at this age will test any limit to see what happens.  I think he maybe senses that this is something that bothers/upsets/concerns you so he will act on it.  I know how hard it is, we went through phases too, and still do go through them, but relaxing around food and eating is the best advice I can offer.  Power struggles do not work, and he has chosen to have one with you.

First off, can he eat finger foods with his hands?  Finger foods are great when they go through that 'don't like the spoon' phase.

If he's eating well at daycare with snacks and lunch and getting what he needs, I would not worry too much about dinner.  Are you giving him what you guys are having or making him separate meals?  Do you all eat together as a family?  When making meals I would aim to make 1 thing you know he will eat, doesn't matter which part of the meal it is really, and keep offering the things you aren't sure/or know he won't eat.  Eventually with enough modeling he may try them.

I'm not a fan of the force feed but my DH has done it and it has worked on occasion.  But not with me.  Probably because he can TELL that I don't subscribe to it and I'm not confident enforcing it.  Personally, I would never want food shoved into my mouth, but some kids are known to need that extra coaxing.  So DH and I agree to disagree on that one.

Also, if he knows that eventually you will serve him something else, then he will hold out for it.  They are soooo smart at 16 mths.  Maybe DH lets him know that it's this or nothing?  I am sure it's the same at daycare as they do not make special meals for the kids.  Everyone gets pretty much the same meal and he has learned to eat what is on offer.

When DS isn't too keen on eating I often do little snack bowls on his table so he can eat and play.  I don't want to force him to the table so I just choose my battles. Most meals he eats at the table but there are just some days, like everyone has, where he isn't too interested in eating.  And so I typically give him his bowls of protein and veg and fruit while I eat a bowl of cereal lol  I don't think there is anything wrong with being flexible even if you want to 'start as you mean to go on'.

If he doesn't eat dinner I would offer him a pre-bed snack though.  They are still growing so fast at this age and there are growth spurts.  We hit one at 18 mths.

[jeneldobko]

To answer your questions,
For the majority of the meals we feed him, its all finger foods or we'll put food on a fork/spoon and he'll eat off of it that way.  I really don't know how daycare does the spoon so much!

Depending on what we have, if it's something he COULD eat then we will try to give it to him.  Sometimes if he doesn't eat an 'eatable' supper we just put it in the fridge and try it again the next day or so. So sometimes we have a few different 'eatable' suppers in the fridge to try.

Yes we always eat as a family.  If we don't have any luck with giving him protein/veg from what we're eating, a no-fail is always fruit, recently cheerios & crackers.  But I worry about the iron so if I don't think he ate well I'll usually give him baby cereal (for the iron) mixed with yogurt. 

Thanks for the tips, I'll try to just relax & just keep at it.

[Miracle Baby]

I am no wiser than you love as am facing similar issues (see my thread - some of those asnwers might help you too) but I just wanted to say HUGS! and hang in there!  You have my empathy!!!!