Sleep is rubbish for the sitter

[hatshetsut]

Hi all,
Kate has never been a great sleeper. She sleeps lightly and doesn't always transition well. Basically, she is touchy when it comes to sleep. However, I have better results than my sitter does. On Monday K did a 1.5 hr nap in the am, then about 2 hrs total in the pm. That was after some PUPD to extend after a 30 min wake up. (We had a horrible NW that evening, but that is for another post...)

However, my sitter does not get good results. She had basically 2, 45 min naps today. To Julie's credit she put her down when I told her to, but she does not go off of her cues, only the clock. I give her times to be approximate, not exact. She has 3 kids of her own that she scheduled to a T and did CIO. She doesn't do CIO with my kids but finds my flexibility with the napping time (generally 15-30 min each way based on her sleepy cues) frustrating.

How can I help my sitter to get better nap results? Do I just have to live with it? Any ideas?

Thanks!

H

[kimmbba]

I'm not any help, but my sitter never gets my son to nap.  Fortunately, he's only there for a few hours, two mornings a week.  If I go back to work, I hate to see what happens. 
I'm interested to hear if anyone has any good advice.

[Colin Macs Mom]

Does the sitter maybe not understand a LO's cues? Have you told her what to look for? Not to sound dumb but some people just aren't in tune with that sort of thing at all.

[hatshetsut]

Oh yes, we have had a long discussion about it. Basically, she says she will try, but that she is watching 5 kids (her 3 and my 2) and doesn't have the time to dedicate just to Kate. Especially if she need PUPD. I understand this, but it doesn't lend to good baby sleep.

[Colin Macs Mom]

Have you considered trying to find a new sitter?

[Katet]

Have you considered trying to find a new sitter?

putting this question another way, if your sitter believes in CIO for her own children at what point is it likely that her frustration with your DD not napping & being tired will mean that she pretty much just does CIO without actually telling you... I actually think I would find it almost impossible to have a sitter whose methods for her own children were CIO, because I would worry about how that translated to other areas eg discipline & love... I do find the people I know IRL who are CIO people do put themselves before children... just throwing a point out there that your DD's lack of sleep may not be the only issue.

[hatshetsut]

To be honest I have thought about it. But here is the back story. This is my best friend. She has watched my DD1 since she was 3 months old. And while spirited, was an easier sleeper than Kate. Kate is touchy with sleep.

I do trust her to not CIO with my kids, she would not lie to me, and is nothing if not brutally honest. (If you want to know if you are fat, ask Julie, she would tell you.) I feel that besides me and my family, no one loves my children more. That is why this is frustrating for me. I angsted over my children's sleep because I wanted them to be good for Julie. Now I have my worst fear since Kate is tough at napping and sleeping. I just pray for a fast forward button so I can skip ahead a few years straight to when we've got this figured out :-/

[kimmbba]

H, I see where the ladies are coming from about the sitter.  However, my son doesn't sleep for my sitter because #1 he's just having too much fun, #2 it's not a great sleeping environment with several children playing in other rooms, #3 he's really only good at sleeping in his own crib, and the list goes on.  Again, not really an answer to your problem, but there are lots of factors.  I agree that CIO is a scary thought, but a lot of people don't truely understand how terrible it is.  She may be a very caring, loving person.  I've heard pediatricians talk about letting my son cry a little bit, like I'm too sensitive.  

and while I was typing you posted about your friend

[Colin Macs Mom]

It really is tough when it's a friend or family member that's providing childcare. It really is - my mom helped us out for Colin's first year. CIO issue aside, it just sounds to me like he's not getting what he needs there. Not that she doesn't have the best intentions, but she can't give the time to his sleep and isn't comfortable with anything except a schedule as opposed to routine. Just my two cents.

That said though sleep is always more challenging in a daycare situation, but usually a LO will adjust once they settle in. Do you think your LO can do that there? How long has this arrangement been going on?

[hatshetsut]

I've had Kate at Julie's 3 days a week since she was 4 months. To be honest I still struggle with her sleep, as I'm sure the Sleep board mods are sick of hearing. She isn't easy, and has been on EASY since birth! Her reflux did not help early and now we are struggling with getting past some of the AP we did because of the reflux.

I believe Kate's sleep problems are multifactorial and not all an issue with the sitter, it just gets amplified there.

[kimmbba]

I wanted to add...Ethan has never slept well for me either, every week it's a new set of issues.  That being said, it did start to turn around at about 8 months for a while (until he had 4 teeth come at once!) Maybe, just maybe, things will work themselves out as you move forward??

[hatshetsut]

That is what I am hoping for. I do remember having similar issues with DD1. And I remember thinking at the time that they were terrible. So much so that I thought about only having one kid! I remember Abby getting better in late Jan/Feb. That is what I am hoping happens with Kate too. At least that is what I am praying for :-)

[Katet]

My Ds1 didn't sleep well in daycare until he was able to tell them he wanted a nap... ie from when he could walk (about 14mo) he would sit by the door to the sleep room & point... from that point on we got pretty good sleep.  It was something I think at times you have to cope with as a con to the fact that incomes need to be earnt etc... some children just don't do so well... unfortunately for us it was around 14mo that things improved (after the winter, as colds etc made it worse)