every day is different - need advice with set times...

[Tweakster]

It's the long nights Becky...I think you will just need to stick to a set nap and 'rest time' even if he doesn't nap, continue to be firm that this is the time he needs to be in his bed - do it for at least a week before say it isn't working.  

Or follow his lead and move the nap based on his signs.  So if he's not tired until 2, put him down at 2 and then cap it.  Or something.  Not ideal because you don't know what you are doing every day and neither does he.

Or just cap that night and work with a shorter night and he'll likely give you a better nap.

[*Becky*]

he never shows tired signs ever ever so i could wait all day for him to be tired.

capping the night is a no. DH would never go for it and do I seriously want to be up at 6am every morning so that i may possibly get an hour off later - no. I just cannot do that option.

so first option it is then except he will now get more and more mad/upset until i give up and bring him downstairs. he has no idea about 'quiet time'
looks like a car nap today then - brilliant.

jeez...

[Tweakster]

Yes he will get mad and upset for a while...probably even a few days.  And he may not nap.  But if you keep at it, he will learn that this is how it is.  Set your timer for an hour or set the Gro-clock, or something that he knows this is the time in the house where everyone rests.  It's like at daycare...they just nap because that's what they are told to do - everyone gets on their cot and naps - it takes some longer than others to adapt but in the end they all do it!  At home they know they can push hard enough to get what they want.  So we just have to be more firm about it...I know it's easier said than done but it's what Tracy always said...and why she developed the methods.  These kids need to sleep and rest and if they have the tools to do it then we just have to enforce it. 

If you give up and bring him downstairs then yes, it will be random reinforcement and much harder to make set times work.  It takes quite a while (and even longer!) for some kids to adapt.  The older they get the more set in their ways they are about how they think things should be.

(((hugs))) I know we'll be going through the same thing in about 4 mths or so...maybe sooner.  Magic wand anyone? lol

[*Becky*]

ok - wow i am scared. I worked so hard to avoid loads of tears and this is just going to cause them but i know you are right. I can't bear the thought of having to listen to shouting and crying in the morning (if he is up a while before the clock) and then in the middle of the day too
I guess he was just not tired enough today and if he is not tired enough he will not sleep whereas if i get him in when he is tired then he will but that means every day is different and we are back to square one iykwim.
The only other thing is to set the nap for 1pm maybe - surely he will always be tired by then.
This afternoon was hard work. he slept in the car for 50 mins but was just demanding all afternoon which is how he is...it can't be right to spend ALL day with a spirited 2 year old. I really am tired now...

[babybarr]

Do you know what Becky - I wonder if you aim for a nap somewhere between 1pm and 2pm and cap it at an hour.  Perhaps base it on how active he has been in the morning and then make a decision

[*Becky*]

yes maybe you are right...feel so despondent today. Up at 6.15am so yes a good night but he looks absolutely shattered and I def am. I am going to aim for 12.30pm today and see but if we have more refusals than not then I will just push it to 1pm ish like you say.
I have just had to listen to him crying and whining for 20 mins before his light came on and it really sucks. He totally understands the clock but just will not accept that he is not getting up before the light and really...it is 6.30am on a sunday morning and i had no break at all yesterday and likely not today.

[KathrynK]

Becky, random question- what does he sleep in? Grobag, duvet, bed, cot, jammies, sleepsuit?

[~Emma~]

(((((hugs)))))) Becky. I do think with the set times you must stick to it for at least a week. Especially with these spiriteds! If after a week maybe even 10-12 days he's not getting it then rethink things.

 Brodie still refuses his nap some days over here and it makes for a tough afternoon but the way I see it is I give him every opportunity to sleep should he want to. We have been doing the same deal now his entire life. Into the nursery, story, nice and dim. He KNOWS its sleep time and if he chooses not to sleep well there's not alot I can do about it. I have now pushed it out to 12.30 after being set at 12 for a long time but he still sometimes refuses it. What more can I do? I leave him in his room for quiet time. Sometimes he whines for about 20 mins but I always leave him. ( UNless he properly cries).

[*Becky*]

ok...yes got to stick with it i guess.

he sleeps in vest, p-jams and s-bag Kathryn.

[*Becky*]

also - what kind of crying is ok? He is crying, it is not just a whine or a shout and tbh why did I follow BW all this time if now I am just going to leave him to cry. It is so tough as I know that I am doing it for his own good but listening to it is just so horrid. It is not a screaming, distressed cry but still enough to make me wonder what I should do. I can just about deal with it in the am but lunchtime too....bleugh.
It is really hard as I do have to think of myself more now as am pregnant and just have to have some rest in the day. Today I feel all sick and washed out and i know it is because i had no rest yesterday and was up stressing about him this am.

[~Emma~]

Well tbh honey thats your call. B's mantra has always been quite hard to hear but I know he's not really crying kwim. I also know whats going on when I try to do wi/wo. If I walk in and he's all smiles then I know he's just playing with me.


((((hugs))))) Becky. Its so hard when you are pg and dealing with a toddler and thinking about the impending birth. I completely understand where you are coming from, I was just there not too long ago and it was tiring to say the least.

 Like I said though you can only do what you can do when they are toddlers. You can offer it but if he doesn't want it he just wont. Thats just my opinion though. I spent so long stressing about this when I was pg thinking he was ready to drop the nap and freaking out about it as I still need that time in the day especially with a baby coming along! MOre (((((hugs))))))

[*Becky*]

yeh thanks...I will just keep trying I guess and stick with this set nap business for a while. I know I have to accept the toddler I have and all that and I do try but I am not prepared to give up on the nap yet, not when I know by his behaviour that he is tired.
Thanks for the hugs though - just talking to you guys helps. All my IRL friends just have v different kids and it is so hard day after day when I am just trying to get sleep into this kid.

[~Emma~]

 I understand completely. The thought of B giving up his nap scares me! When he doesn't nap the afternoons are so hard and by about 4.30pm he is usually losing the plot, thats what I use as a guide too as to whether or not he needs it.

[KathrynK]

Hugs Becky xx
Alex is not spirited, he is v textbook, but he has always been a monkey when it comes to sleep.
Just after his birthday we took some advice from others here, and made his sleeping arrangements a bit more grown up and less babyish. We got rid of the grobag and got the cotbed duvet out. We put him in a fleecy all in one over his jammies to stop him getting cold if he kicked the duvet off. Well, it's worked better than I could ever have imagined, he loves going to bed and is sleeping better too, I think the grobag was starting to get on his nerves, getting all tangled round his legs, and he is more cosy now.
Just a thought? xxx

[*Becky*]

yes that is interesting Kathryn. I have been wondering about when to make the switch to a BBB.
So it is 12.30pm and he is fighting it again even though he has been up for 6.15 and did 11.20 last night. It really is baffling me. Do I keep with this time even though it is clearly not working?