I don't know how to read this baby!!! PU/PD help needed... LONG

[vowelmummy]

I'm heading towards the end of a very feathered tether and desperately need some support and guidance. I'll try to make this as cohesive as I can... sleep deprived and baby brain.

I am a huge fan of TH after watching her shows here more than 6 years ago now, and read all her books before I even got pregnant with my first baby. She was a premmie spirited baby, but her cries were different and she was pretty easy to read. Got her onto a 3 hour routine, with the normal hiccups when transitioning to 4hr routine, growth spurts, illness etc. etc. From 3 months of age she would sleep 12 hours from 7pm til 7am.

5 years on and I have baby number 2 - DD turned 4 months on the 3rd December and wonderfully cute with a smile that would melt your heart but I suspect I have accidentally parented her... starting when I realised last week that her dummy had become a prop. She is/was a very sucky baby, and would suck furiously until she fell asleep but about 6 days ago during daytime naps she would wake up after 45 minutes and only fall asleep after you popped it back in.
Drove me insane as I have a small business and a now 5 year old who needed time without the baby - that and I needed her to be a good routine for her own sake! I know it works and
During the night she was, and is fine. Although harder to get to sleep in the past few days... anyway... once she is asleep after 7:30 (at the latest) we give her a dream feed at about 11 and she sleeps through until 5ish. Another full feed, then straight back down until 7 or 7:30. This is consistent.

It's the days that are a nightmare 
To make matters worse, her cries are pretty much all the same. Seriously. With DD1 her cries were so easy to distinguish I was able to have the grandparents at the door, and train them to listen and understand her needs instead of rushing in and "rescuing the poor baby" (cultural thing - you don't let a baby cry and the scandal I caused by BW her!!! LOL)
Hubby and I have tried to distinguish her cries, standing down the hall, making notes and trying to discipher tones/pitch/frequency/effort/escalation but they are all the same. Even on a routine it's hard to determine whether her waking duirng naps is because of wet nappy, hunger, habit, need to suck?!?!?!?!?
If she's upset, we can only determine if she is hungry by letting her suck on our finger and if she sucks hard and then gets upset we know she's hungry (our finger doesn't release milk apparently).

DD 2 has found her fingers udring the day, and is very happy to coo, gurgle and drool whilst awake. About 50% of the time she will happily suck her thumb to fall asleep. Sometimes it isn't enough, and she screams and screams.
Also she can tolerate a four hour routine pretty well. Yesterday she was able to do a 4 hr routine spot on, but the naps are a nightmare. 45 minutes to the dot.
And her eating complicates things futher!!! She is basically EASES... and I know thats not right.

Today has been a shocking day and this is what it looks like on paper.
7am - Awake
7:30 - Drank 100mls formula
8:45am - in bed, fussing (and drank 25mls) then fell sleep straight away afterwards (sucking thumb)
9am - Asleep
9:45 - Awake, 30mls fed, changed nappy and back to sleep.
11am - Woke her up.
11:15 - 100mls
12:15 - Wanted to sleep but unsettled. 40mls, then slept.
1:15 - Awake.
3pm - 30mls and asleep.
3:45 - Awake and tired but refused to setlle. 100mls
5pm - Slept after 30mls
6pm - Awake, bath, more than likely overstiumlated by grandparent visit. Drank 60mls.
7pm - Sleep signs, hard to settle. Drank 100mls. Happy sucking my finger to sleep, but wouldn't suck her thumb.

My questions are:
Should we go back to wrapping her - she has been in a sleeping sack for a couple of weeks and sleeps well in them. But maybe her arms are overstimulating her? By this stage we have jerky movements and back arching and a purple face. Only thing that calms her at this stage is sucking on my finger and will almost fall asleep EVERY time I let her. But I dont' want to be a prop either.
She is now not holding a dummy properly either, because out of desparation yesterday I tried to give it back to her (4 days without it) and I just confused her more. DH had to intervene cause we were both in tears.
How do I get her to feed properly during the day, so she doesn't snack or need a top up before her nap? She will have 160mls in her dream feed and between 120-160 for her first feed at 5am-ish.
How do I extend her naps?
How do I get her to resettle using PU/PD. She doesn't respond to shush pat at all... tried it for more than an hour for a whole day (3 naps).
She needs to suck but how do I give her something to satisfy this without it becoming a prop. Am I a prop because she loves sucking on my or DH finger?

How do I get her to sleep better during the day, self settle when she wakes and restore sanity to my house!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[vowelmummy]

She just woke up again, after sleeping for an hour!!! Drank 60mls, then DD1 called out and startled her awake again. I just went in and helped her suck her thumb, which she has done and is asleep. So thats it for the night, albeit 2 hours later than normal.

Also, just to complicate things further she had silent reflux when she was smaller - burning and curdled milk vomits and possits (is that what you call them, small burpy vommits). And still does the curdled milk possits so do we have untreated reflux too? (DD1 had to have Zantac to take away the burning). Cause we can't tell the difference with her pain cry when she is refluxing. Has gotten better in the past month or so and now able to sleep flat and not elevated. But should she go back to being on the bed wedge and strapped in with the Safety Sleep?

Myself and hubby are more than happy to put in the hard yards to get her on the right track, but don't know where to start! Otherwise I would love for someone to jump on a plane and hold my hand and decipher DD2 - who wants a holiday to Melbourne, Australia?

[Shiv52]

Waking at 45 minutes can be a sign that reflux is an issue as it starts to bother LO as they reach the light part of the sleep cycle so it could be her reflux is still bothering her.  If that is the case no amount of sleep training will help until the reflux is sorted.  I would go back to the wedge and see if that helps.  Has she even had meds? 

Has she always done EASES or just the last week since you've dropped the dummy?

TBH I'd prefer a dummy than sucking on your finger.  i think in the long term its an easier prop to breakor at least they can learn to replug!  It could be she still has a very strong need to suck?  But if you don't want a dummy then I would also stop the finger sucking too as you're just replacing on prop with another IYKWIM?   

Let me know what you think about the reflux?

{{{hugs}}}

[mamatolevi]

I agree with shiv, definitely need to rule out reflux before proceeding with sleep training. Once that's figured out, we'll be able to give you tons of help and support to get the naps on track
xoxo
Nikki

[vowelmummy]

OK, we will put the wedge back under the mattress and see if that helps/resolves the issue. Fingers crossed cause I am losing my mind...  (the smile of a mad woman).

[Shiv52]

Fingers crossed cause I am losing my mind...   (the smile of a mad woman).

LOL!!  But {{{hugs}}}

Let us know how it goes in the next few days xx