Bad SA, won't BT with Dh

[Little toes]

Hi everyone, my dd is now 13mo and tbh has always wanted me vs dh. He's tried on and off to do BT but she screams and cries so much like she's being murdered. I have a night out in feb, and by then I'm hoping he can put her to bed. Any ideas on how to get her to stop the scream fest and let him do BT? He's able to do the am nap while I'm at work, but she hates him near her at night time. It's also hard cuz with his job he's not always home in the evening for BT. This week he won't be able to try until saturday and sunday.

I'd appreciate any advice or words of encouragement from those who have been there and made it to the other side.

Thanks!!

[*Ali*]

Is she worse when you are in the room or out of sight? I find if I leave while Cadan is distracted he doesn't seem bothered I'm not around but as soon as he sees me he wants me and cries with his arms up which is impossible to resist.
Otherwise could you try being there but let DH DO everything? Then maybe stand back more and leave slowly over time. Like a kind of gradual withdrawal I guess...?

[~*Nicole*~]

Has he ever tried doing BT without you there? I found DH could do BT if I wasn't home....as in...completely unavailable. If DD knew I was in the house...then forget it. LOL

[LizzieN]

I was going to suggest the same thing, make BT a family event (low key of course) initially with DH just in the room and you doing the ritual, then start getting him to do a page of the story and you a page etc...really really slowly, but also encourage your LO a lot, "OH WOW it's Daddies turn to read, you're a lucky LO" etc.. Slowly increase his involvement and decrease yours

Good luck sweetie

[Little toes]

Hmmmm......I've tried being in the room and slowly moving out but she just screams her head off. The other night I gave her a bath then dh took over, and again she screamed her head off. And she's a stubborn one, just refuses to settle with him. I wonder what would happen if I was completely gone for the afternoon? Or left before BT. Tbh I'd rather do the gradual withdrawl just in case. But how do I deal with the screamfest? Stand there and say it's ok, daddy's got you? (screams, more screams!) At what point do I give in and take her?

[katie80]

We do what Nicole does, I leave.  If I'm in the house, she just won't go for it, but if I'm gone, it's no big deal at all, and in fact she usually does better for DH (doesn't do all the stalling games).  DH travels for work a bit, so she just got used to me putting her down at bedtime and I do all the naps during the week. 

I would rather be able to stay, but DD's been teething hard for about 6 mo straight and it just isn't worth it to mess with right now, because what we currently do gets the job done.  Eventually we'll get to the point of working toward a GW type of approach.

[LizzieN]

Initially I would just have your DH in the room, not necessarily doing much, just there talking to you while you are bathing her etc.  We do have to realise that for SO long the BT routine is mainly done by mummy because of feeding etc, they get really used to that routine, so changing it later will take time.

DS also copes when I am not here, he doesn't love it sometimes, but he is like that with me at times too!

Good luck sweetie
xx

[Little toes]

Thanks ladies!! Maybe on saturday just have him in the room with me while I'm winding dd down and doing her bt routine. See how it goes with him there, even if he's just sitting on the rug. I agree with pp, BT has been mommy time for so long, or as I used to call it 'boobs and bed'. I also thought of leaving around 6pm, so she sees I'm gone...but I'd rather try him being in the room and her understanding it's ok to have daddy there for BT, not the end of the world. Maybe then gradually have him hold her/rock her - hopefully without her screaming and reaching out for me. I feel more comfortable trying it that way instead of just leaving her cuz tbh it makes me nervous and uncomfortable, probably since I know what good lungs that child has!

She's also been teething terribly since 7mo, has most of the 16 teeth out. That's also caused her SA. Plus she now has a cold, runny nose, so she's extra clingy.

[LizzieN]

good luck sweetheart xx