Not sure where to post this! Question on temperament

[CurvyMummy]

Hi all,
When I did the questionnaire somewhere on this forum I got between Touchy/Spirited/Grumpy, but I'm not sure if that's just because of the reflux, and am confused! Please help??? My boy is 13 weeks old.

So when it comes to feeding, he's very difficult, he fusses a lot, he's impatient, gets frustrated easily, very picky with the type of teats (we've had to go through about 5 different bottles/teats to find one that he likes!) and you have to be quiet when you feed him otherwise he starts crying (although he's better with me as I'm the main one who feeds him).

When it comes to activities, he always seems fidgety, he prefers just to look and listen and doesn't really interact with his toys. He loves sitting in his walker (although he can't touch the floor) and watch the tv, and when there are any lights about he loves to look at them but seems to get bored and over stimulated very quickly! We have to constantly encourage him with his toys, but he just doesn't seem interested in them and sometimes he just cries at the sight of them!

Sleep: From birth he wouldn't sleep on his back and had to be put on his side (because of the reflux) but wouldn't sleep too long. Naps where non-existent! He seemed to refuse to sleep! Then I started co-sleeping and it seemed to get better for a while, but would only sleep when on my or my husbands chests or in our arms! But I wasn't getting much sleep at all, so tried him on his tummy and he seemed to sleep a lot better! Now on EASY he seems to be getting better and better at naps even though if he gets OT it takes so long to get him down. He refused his afternoon sleep or catnaps and NW are about 2-3 times (max) a night instead of every hour or two!

In general: When he was born all the midwives and nurses said he was very exaggerated, animated, vocal and impatient, he would scream and scream as if it was an inconvenience to be outside the womb! He wants things now, not in 20 seconds, 2 minutes etc, but NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! When he gets worked up, he gets really worked up and it's almost impossible to calm him down, he goes bright red and gets very very hot and then gets cranky about being cranky. Sometimes I have to hold him tight and shush/pat/rock him until he's calmed down. He hates car rides, his car seat, his pram, baths (we have to shower with him), nappy changes etc. Bright lights, loud noises, new people etc seem to really bother him. For eg. he finally fell asleep in his car seat, then daddy opened and closed the door and he screamed and screamed as if you just dropped him or something! But under all this, when he's needs are met and he's not over tired/stimulated he's a really happy baby. He loves to talk to you, babbles on, gives you big smiles and gives you the most adoring looks it melts your heart!

Hope someone can offer me some insight!
Thanks

[Lolly]

Are you wondering if the reflux is making him the personality type you have identified or if that is how he is? If/ when you get the reflux under control or he grows out of it he changes his behaviour and his reactions are less immediate then it could be the reflux playing a part but really it's just a wait and see.

My two were pretty textbook and DD was an angel baby even with reflux but they have changed a bit as the have grown. DD is definitly more spirited as a toddler .

Even if it is the reflux, you will need to develop strategies for the baby you have now to make life easier for you both.

Laura

[CurvyMummy]

Thanks Laura, yeah, I just want to know what type he is so that I can cater for him better. I guess I'll just have to wait and see, and continue to observe him.

If anyone can figure out what type he is from my decription above I would loooooooooove to know what you think and how I can help him more (eg. changing play, going out in the morning or afternoon etc)

[anna*]

I just wanted to add that at 13 weeks it's very normal for them not to really be interested in toys at all yet, and also to get overstimulated very easily. There's really no need to try to encourage 'toy playing' - at this age he will likely be most contented just watching and listening to you.

[CurvyMummy]

Thanks Anna, I didn't know that, it makes me feel a lot better. I guess we've been pushing him to try toys when he's not really interested in them and then he gets frustrated with us and the whole situation, he is usually happy just sitting on our laps and talking to us, or sitting in his walker and looking around.

Thanks for the comment, I'm so glad we have this forum, I'd be lost without it!

[deb]

In many ways you're describing my first-born. Looking back, and knowing now what I didn't know then (but probably still not having all the pieces to her "puzzle" , I think a lot of her issues were (and are, even at almost-9YO!) a VERY VERY Touchy nature, made worse by her reflux and her inability to sleep. I am convinced that a significant piece of her puzzle is her poor sleep as a baby, partly caused by the reflux - she began to nap better once she was medicated for her reflux, which was around 13-15 weeks and went from primarily Touchy to nearly-Textbook once she napped! - and most of it by a nervous system that lets in EVERYTHING (especially sound and light/motion) and overstimulates her.

There's no guarantee that your little one will remain super-sensitive like that, but there's a good bet he will retain at least some of those characteristics, so reading up on sensory processing can help you sort out activities he will tolerate better that can also help him cope better with all the sensory input. That's become an area I self-educate in (or maybe obsess over ) as it's been an issue with us for the past almost-9 years.

For the record, it is totally normal for babies to like looking at things like lights and ceiling fans; we used to go to home improvement stores for fun so Josie could look up at the lights and fans in those sections of the store. (Yeah, the things desperate mothers will do for some quiet and a baby who isn't crying all the time! ) And I don't think she even began to actively play with any toys till more like 4-5 months or older; the rest was more visual input while she was still developing the nervous system and motor skills to be able to reach for something in the first place, let alone manipulate it in any appreciable way. Some start a bit sooner, others later on, but 13 weeks would be early for any baby.

[CurvyMummy]

Thanks Deb for your comment. My boy is so much better when he's had adequate sleep and not in pain that he's almost textbook just like your first born. I will look into sensory processing to work out activities that he will tolerate a lot better. And I just love your comment about the home improvement store! Classic!!