Transition, regression and night wakings

[rayasunshine]

My 2.5 year old dd has been a wonderful sleeper until 2 weeks before Christmas.  She decided that she no longer wanted to sleep in her crib but has been unable to deal with going to bed in a big girl bed on her own.  She is now requiring us to stay in her room until she falls asleep, which can take quite a while. She has been an independent sleeper so she definitely has the skills.

So not only do we have issues going to bed she is also waking up at around 130-2am coming to our room requiring one of us to go sleep with her in her bed.  She'll go right back to bed and sleep until morning.  However, this is not working for us, especially me.  I was planning to sleep train her over the holidays and then she began teething again and got a bit of a cold so I left it alone. 

When I have sleep trained her in the past I have had to let her cry it out because w/i-w/o seemed to aggravate her immensely. I do recall that at around the same time last year she had some sleep issues as well. 

So I guess my question is how do I handle this:
- Do I deal with one thing at a time meaning do I get her going to bed down first before dealing with the night wakings?
- Do I deal with both at the same time?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[babybarr]

BW methods do not condone CIO so we'll have to find an alternative solution.

Perhaps you can post her usual routine for us?

[rayasunshine]

Hi babybar,

Monday to Friday
Up: 7-730am
Daycare: 830-430pm (nap usually 2 hours from 1-3pm)
Dinner: 530-6pm
Play/watch some tv: until 730pm
Bath: 730pm
Wind down: 8-830pm
Teeth and bed: 9pm

Weekends are little more lax and she does not seem so interested in taking a nap.  I think because we aren't as active as she is in daycare she doesn't get tired enough to nap more than an hour.  The routine pretty much stays the same on the weekend though.  I also wonder if she is attempting to drop her nap, although she needs it at daycare but home may be a different story.  Anyways I hope this helps. 

[babybarr]

I think that bedtime is very late.  Could you try a tad earlier bed say asleep by 8.15pm  Also if you think the nap is interferring perhaps daycare could cap it?  I know I have to cap my DS nap to an hour to preserve a suitable bedtime.

What time do you do bed on a no nap day - at the weekend?  Cos if she is having no nap then she'll likely do 12 hours at night.

HTH

[rayasunshine]

Hi babybarr,

I feel bedtime is a bit late too, I just haven't really tried to change it so I can definitely try that.  That said my dd is still going to want me to stay in her room until she falls asleep and that is my biggest issue.  Since cio is not an option, should I do wi/wo and put her back in her bed when she comes out of her room? I am not prepared to sit or lay in her bed because it takes usually almost up to an hour.  Maybe she has spoiled me because I've not really had to deal with many sleep issues but I'm losing sleep as well now on a daily basis and that makes for a less functioning mommy  .  Thanks for your help!

[babybarr]

should I do wi/wo and put her back in her bed when she comes out of her room?

Yes.  Go to her if she is upset otherwise leave her.  If she comes out of her room put her back.  When you leave you can always reassure her verbally through the door.

I'd try the earlier bed and see what happens, what did you think about capping the nap?

[rayasunshine]

Hi babybarr,

I will try wi/wo with her and see how it goes.  I feel I will be in there alot because she will cry until she falls asleep so I guess I will go into her room every couple of minutes or when I feel she has escalated.  I will continue to verbally reassure her and talk about it during the day.  Should I deal with her nw in the same manner or should I get her going to sleep independently before I start dealing with nw or deal with them both at the same time?  I am going to definitely try to get her to bed earlier, it's just so hard there's just not enough time in the day.  I have already started capping her nap at 2 hours and may ask to even wake her at 1 hour 45 mins and see how that works.  I do believe though the earlier bedtime may help.  Thanks so much for your feedback and suggestions!

[babybarr]

I think you have to be consistent in the night too other wise you'll give her mixed messages.

With regard to the wi/wo if she is just protesting or mantra crying leave her.  Ignore length of time but go in if she *needs* you i.e. is really upset, comfort her and leave.  Repeat as necessary even if it means you are going in every 10secs whilst she is really upset.

Hope that helps
Laura x

[rayasunshine]

Hi Laura,

Thanks so much.  I had a feeling you were going to say that.  I guess I will not be getting a lot of sleep over the next few days or even a week or so but it has to be done.  I appreciate your suggestions! My dh and I will start the wi/wo tonight and see how it goes and I will do the same when she wakes up at 2am.  Thanks again 

[babybarr]

Good luck!!  Keep me posted, be strong and stick with it.  I'm sure you'll be fine

[rayasunshine]

Hi Laura and others,

So we've shortened the nap at home and daycare to 1 hour and told her we are doing wi/wo and bedtime has gotten easier as she doesn't protest as much.  However, my smart little dd has now figured out that she can leave her room, open our door, then close it and climb into our bed and we are none the wiser until I feel an elbow in my back, lol.  She does this every night and I take her back to her room and then the protest begins.  One night I was up with her doing wi/wo with her for 2 hours until 6am and that really did not feel good to me and I really can't do that on a daily basis.  Anyways, I'm kind of at a loss for the night wakings.  I am not letting her sleep in our bed, I do take her back to her room and just end up sleeping with her.  I just don't know if I can do wi/wo in the middle of the night when I have to work the next day and she has daycare.  It just sucks for all of us.  Any other suggestions or is the wi/wo my only option?  Thanks for your help!

[babybarr]

Perhaps you can put a gate on her door so she can't leave her room in the first place?

[rayasunshine]

Hi Laura,

I considered that as I had read that in another post.  There are two sets of doors to her room so I would have to see if I could find gates that don't require any screws as I rent my place and I don't think my landlords would be very happy with holes in their door jams.  Anyways, will talk to dh and possibly borrow a gate from my mom's house which would fit the sliding door and then use the one that we have and see if it does anything.  Thanks, but other than that it's wi/wo or I just sleep with her.  Eventually she'll have to grow out of it but at the same time if I plan to get pregnant 4 months from now then I'll have to do something then anyways.  I guess I just have to suck it up and get it done.  Again thanks so much.

[babybarr]

I would do the wiwo as the sleeping with her long term will cause you more of a headache.

What is she doing routine wise?  You may need to cap her nap even more...

[rayasunshine]

Hi Laura,

Nothing more has really changed in terms of her routine, her nap has for the most part been capped at 1 hour but sometimes daycare lets her sleep longer (will really emphasize the 1 hour max though).  She isn't crying when going to sleep so we're very happy about that.  But I was thinking maybe she is really done with her nap.  At daycare though they really think that she needs some amount of a nap just because of how busy they are but at home she could almost do without.  Maybe I'll try to cut her nap down a little more at home on the weekend and see how it goes.  We are trying to get her to stay in her room and talk into the monitor if she wakes at night as a way to stop her from coming into our room.  So I think I will start to say that I will hold her for 2 minutes and then I will walk out for any of the nw's, which is what we say to her at bedtime and it works for her.  I do want to say thank you so much for your help, I really don't think I could have figured this one out on my own.  As always BW rocks!